


Up the Spout

by RemingtonSteele, tealpaperclip27



Category: Juno (2007), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Humor, Babyfic, But Mostly Humor, F/F, F/M, Female Dean Winchester, Het Relationship, Juno Universe, not mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemingtonSteele/pseuds/RemingtonSteele, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tealpaperclip27/pseuds/tealpaperclip27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a chair; one of those La-Z-Boy recliners that people who lived in big houses that she never would have in their dens. She wished she could say it was because she was bored. That’s what she’ll tell people when they ask why on Earth she’d actually have sex with him, but in reality it was because she wanted to. She’d wanted it for a while, even if she really couldn’t bring herself to believe it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> RemintonSteele notes: I am aware that the most common genderbend name for Dean is Deanna, but, oddly enough, both myself and my co-author are named Deanna, and writing a fic about a character named this was, we decided, quite weird for us both, so in this fic, Dean will be called Deane, (pronounced Deana), but she will most often be referred to by the nickname "De." I hope this isn't lame or anything. Anyways yeah, I did a genderbend of Dean because (cis)mpreg is a huge squick of mine, and also I think girl!Dean would be adorable. We have tried our best to stay true to his canon characteristics and traits, and I feel we have been successful so far in this endeavor. Thank you for reading and please leave comments letting us know what you think!
> 
> xxx
> 
> Tealpaperclip note: Writing this has been an amazing writing experience, I'm very thankful that RemintonSteele asked me to participate in this process. I hope that anyone reading it, enjoys what we've come up with.
> 
> xxx
> 
> Updates will be every Friday.
> 
> xxx
> 
> Rsteele: Also friendly reminder/disclaimer that this fic is based off the movie Juno, and will therefore have a lot of similar qualities to said movie. But we do not take credit for the original plot and have tried our best to make it unique with the Spn verse and characters (which we also do not take credit for).
> 
> Enjoy!

**Autumn**

  


It started with a chair; one of those La-Z-Boy recliners that people who lived in big houses that she never would have in their dens. She wished she could say it was because she was bored. That’s what she’ll tell people when they ask why on _Earth_ she’d actually have _sex_ with him, but in reality it was because she wanted to. She’d wanted it for a while, even if she really couldn’t bring herself to believe it.

She was three weeks late, three weeks later than she’d ever been since she started taking the pill when she was thirteen because the cramps sucked so bad that she’d lay curled up on the couch for four days, basically in tears, and her doctor said taking them would help. “Well so much for helping to not make a baby.” She muttered under her breath bitterly, still trying to hold onto the last ounces of hope that _maybe_ the pregnancy tests she had already taken were faulty.

  


_“It’s okay, I want this,” he’d whispered in her ear as she’d stripped off her Batman underwear, tossing it unceremoniously onto the floor and straddling him in that ugly green arm chair._

_“I know,” she’d whispered back. “Me too.” And then she’d kissed him, hard, before lowering herself down._

  


But that was two months ago and now she walked to the convenient store down town to pilfer _another_ pregnancy test, because there was no way the first two were right. They couldn’t have been.    

She would flat out buy it, but she bought one yesterday and peed on it right there in the nasty bathroom; with its graffiti of love dedications from couples who probably hadn’t been together since the late eighties.  She didn’t like the look the guy behind the counter gave her; the way he laughed when she made her way out into the store ten minutes later with a two liter of coke and a look on her face that must have told everyone in the store she’d peed positive. But she couldn’t be; Uncle Bobby would kill her. She had gone back later that evening after drinking her bladder full with about a third of the soda and bought another test, which, to her humiliation, had also been a raging positive. So, unable to risk being seen buying a _third_ one, she walked around the store, discretely shoved a generic pregnancy test from the shelf into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, grabbed herself a one-pound candy bar from the shelves near the back and threw her buck fifty on the counter with one of her sarcastic smirks to the clerk as she walked out the door.

Back at home, alone, because her little brother had track practice and Jody and Bobby were working, she locked herself in bathroom and took a deep breath.

“Third time’s a charm, right De?” she whispered trying to psych herself up.

She bit a chunk out of the chocolate bar and sucked down the last of her coke, bladder uncomfortably full as she opened the package, trying not to pee herself because that would defeat the whole point of this mission. She read the instructions quickly, not too different from the one before: pee on stick, wait seven minutes, don’t shake it or you’ll screw it up. She did her thing and placed that piece of plastic on the back of the sink while she tore the box into tiny pieces so that no one, not her nosey little brother or step mom, would be able to figure out what it was. She’d figure out how to get rid of the test itself later. Throw it in their neighbor’s trash tomorrow morning or something.

She looked at it when it was ripe, tiny plus sign of shame looking back up at her.

“Son of a bitch!” she screamed, kicking over the trash can. This was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to her. The absolute worst. How the hell was she supposed to have a baby at sixteen?

“I don’t have to,” she thought to herself. There were clinics in Topeka, she could just get rid of it. No one would ever know. “I wouldn’t have to tell anyone,” she continued to think to herself trying to find out the easiest way to get this over with. “I’ll tell Charlie, have to tell Charlie.”

She hit her head against the door and slid down until she was sitting on the floor, stupid pee stick still in her hand. Fucking… fucking Cas. Well, if she didn’t she wouldn’t be in this mess, but she did and now the results of it was growing in her uterus. What if she told him and he wanted to freaking keep it? What if they could find a way to be a family and raise a baby and be that big happy family that neither of them really had growing up?   

She couldn’t tell him, but Charlie she could trust to never whisper a word about it. Her best girlfriend in the world was also the best secret keeper she knew. Charlie knew more about everyone than most of their diaries and never breathed a word. But Cas… Cas would get that stupid dopey look on his face and tell her it would be okay when it isn’t; it couldn’t be.

“Fuckin’ hell,” she breathed as she heard a car door slam outside. Her mind slipped by itself to that night, just over two months ago as she closed her eyes, Bobby and her little brother making noise down stairs.

  


_“We should make out,” she joked as he’d flipped through the channels absent mindedly._

_“W-what?” he’d stuttered, meeting her gaze with baby blue eyes. Eyes she’d never tell anyone she dreamed about._

_“You’ve never kissed a girl have you?” she teased. “It’ll be fun. Make out with me, Cas.”_

_“Yeah,” he nodded slowly, shifting to make room for her in the ugly green recliner. “Okay we should… make out...it’ll… it’ll be fun.”_

  


“Son of a bitch,” she repeated under her breath as she heard Sam running up the stairs. She stood and righted the trash can again, made sure the remnants of the test box were out of sight and shoved the test itself into the front pocket of her jeans just as her brother started to bang on the door.

“Open up!” Sam whined, slamming his fist against the door. “I gotta go, De.”

“Calm down,” De sighed opening the door, letting the twelve year old push passed her. “Sweet Jesus.”

De stomped down the hall to her bedroom and locked herself in, nerves causing her to feel hot and shaky all over. When Bobby shouted at her later to come down for dinner, she shouted back that she wasn’t feeling well and glanced over at the bottle of gummi vitamins sitting on her dresser, wondering just how many she could take to successfully overdose. After a minute she gave up on this contemplation and proceeded to sulk in bed while watching reruns of Dr. Sexy.

She decided to wait until Sam had gone to bed before calling Charlie, given his annoying habit of eavesdropping. After creeping downstairs to find Bobby passed out in front of the television and Jody still not home for the night shift at the police station, she hurried back up to her room, dialed Charlie’s number, and confessed everything.

“I’m a walking suicide risk,” De blurted the moment Charlie answered the phone.

“De?” Charlie asked, confused.

De sighed, who the fuck else would answer the phone like that. “No it's Patrick Swayze, wanna take a pottery class together?”

“Oh baby, you really know how to get a girl going.”

“Charlie, I’m pregnant.” Better to just go ahead and dump the news rather than pussyfoot any longer.

There was a silent pause before Charlie finally responded. “...Wait for serious?”

De sighed. “Yeah...”

“Are you sure you don’t just have like... gas or something? I mean those tacos we had the other night were pretty intense.”

“No, god! No, I took a pregnancy test and everything. I actually took like three. All positive. Drank a fucking two liter of coke so I could generate the piss. Shit.”

“Holy plot twist, Batman.” Charlie breathed.

De let out another sigh. “I know.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Who’d you go double backsies with to make this baby?”

“Uh... it was Cas...”

“ _Castiel_?!”

De huffed in annoyance. “What other Cas do we know?”

“Point taken. But I mean Cas is such a... good little virgin though.”

“Not anymore.” De retorted.

Charlie chuckled in response. “So wait are you two.... you know?”

“What... you mean... oh no! We’re not like,” De laughed nervously. “We’re not _dating_ I mean... we’re not a couple. It was just a one-time thing.”

“Did you decide that before or after you guys succeeded in making a tiny little person inside your uterus?” Charlie asked, mischievous tone practically leaking through the phone line.

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying!” Charlie paused for a second. “Have you told him yet?”

De let out a bark of mirthless laughter. “Are you kidding me? Of course not. Can you imagine how he would react to something like that?”

“Well you can’t just not tell him. It’s gonna become pretty obvious when you start actually looking... you know... pregnant.”

“Yeah that’s the thing.” De paused momentarily, rubbing a hand over her forehead. “I’m not sure I wanna... _stay_ pregnant just yet actually..."

"Right.” Charlie said sympathetically. “But you should probably still think about telling him all the same.”

“What if he wants to keep it?” De whispered.

“Tell him that when he gets a uterus and vagina he can push one out himself,” Charlie replied. “It’s half his, but right now it’s inside you. You get to make the choices.”

“Right,” De nodded. “Right. Good. I’ll do that in the morning. But can I ask you one more favor tonight?”

“Anything,” Charlie answered.

“Meet me in front of my house in ten?” De asked. “I’m going to need your van.”

  


xxx

The neighbor on the corner between her house and Cas’ was selling, or getting rid of an old living room collection. De had decided to take it and set up a nice fake living room on Cas’ front lawn. The perfect set for the drama that was sure to play out when she confessed about their little miracle growing inside her.

“Can I ask you a question?” Charlie asked as the two of them loaded a heavy recliner into the van. “When did you decide to bone Castiel?”

“Like a year ago in Spanish class?” De answered, shrugging. “He just seemed so… I don’t know… corruptible.”

Charlie let out a laugh as she shoved the chair as far back as she could. “You totally love him.”

De laughed. “No. I do not.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “You can’t fool me Deane Winchester. You _love_ him.”

“No,” De shook her head. “No I don’t. We’re just best friends, I was bored.”

“That’s a _fantastic_ reason to have sex, De,” Charlie rolled her eyes. “I thought I raised you better than that. Aren’t you on the pill?”

“I’m bad at remembering to take it,” De shrugged. “It’s never been a problem.”

“You haven’t heard of condoms?” Charlie pressed.

“Yeah, of course,” De defended. “But Cas didn’t have them laying around what with him being all virginal and everything and it was pretty heat of the moment, because I only suggested that we make out but then all of a sudden we weren’t wearing pants and it just happened.”

“This is why I’m glad I’m not into guys,” Charlie sighed shoving a throw rug on top of the chair. “Can’t get preggers if there’s no disco stick involved.”

“Shut up,” De whined. “Let’s just do this before sunrise.”

Charlie smirked and stepped a little closer to De. “So what was it like?” She asked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Humping that skinny little runner’s body?”

De let out a puff of air, raising an eyebrow at her friend. “Pretty fantastic actually.”

xxx

  


She rolled out of bed the next morning and promptly threw up the taco bell the girls had indulged in for their efforts in making Cas’ front yard a living room. She grabbed her rainbow slinky off the bedside table, shouldered her book bag and headed west toward Cas’.

On the way she passed the track team, in their tiny black shorts that she couldn’t help but imagine dicks when they ran by. They had to be just flopping around in there, swinging between each runner’s legs as they reached top speed. Cas’ dick did that when he ran. De had thought about it far more than she’d be willing to admit.

She sat in the moth eaten recliner fiddling with her slinky when Cas finally made an appearance, a stupid health bar clutched in one hand.

“Oh hey, De,” Cas said, staring at her as he stretched his thighs. “What brings you to the new living room in my front yard?”

“Courtesy of Mr. Turner,” De smiled, turning the slinky over in her hand without looking up at Cas. “They were just going to throw this stuff away. Imagine that.”

“Well, I gotta go run, so… yeah,” Cas gestured towards the sidewalk.

“Wait,” De said quickly, finally looking up. “I gotta tell you something.”

“Alright,” Cas nodded, clearly eager to get the hell out of there. De tried not to take it personally.

“So umm,” De started. “Remember that night a couple months ago?”

Cas nodded.

“Well uhh...I’m pregnant,” De blurted. “But I’m making an appointment in Topeka over the weekend to take care of it. I just thought you should know. You know?”

“You’re getting rid of it?” Cas asked. “No discussion or anything.”

“Well, I mean, it wasn’t really your idea to start with,” De smirked as she stood up and gathered her stuff, slipping the slinky around her arm like a giant bracelet. “So I figured you wouldn’t want to be involved. I’ll, umm, see you at school Cas.”

“Whose idea was it?” Cas called after her.

But she was already gone.

xxx

Lawrence High School, luckily, was walking distance from Castiel’s house, so De didn’t have far to go in order to make it on time. She strolled up to her locker, flinging it open with a sigh and began sorting her books for the day. As she pulled her biology notebook out from the very bottom of the haphazard book pile, the front of it opened up and the papers fell, scattering across the floor.

De crouched down and began gathering them up, already feeling a slight twinge of irritability building towards the back of her mind. This irritation increased as the voice of Alastair Felcher cut through the incoherent chatter of the hallway. “Your book’s falling apart, Winchester.” He sneered, strutting by with his small gang of equally smarmy cronies flanking his sides. De sat back on her heels, notes from last week’s lab clutched in her hand.

“Yeah great work, Magnum P.I.” She replied with an exaggerated nod before turning to gather the rest of the wayward papers while simultaneously hoping he would continue on. The last thing she needed today was shit from this neanderthal. As she reached for the last sheet on the floor, Alastair’s foot landed on top of it, and he half-kicked, half-slid it further down the hallway. The sound of laughter followed, and De rolled her eyes, standing and moving to where the paper had landed. She glanced up, slightly relieved to see that the ape-gang had moved on.

The funny thing, De thought, as she watched Alastair glance back at her briefly before rounding the hallway corner, was that she _knew_ the only reason he gave her shit was because he wanted to fuck her. She’d figured it out a while ago actually, when she caught him staring at her ass one day during lunch, and he’d pointedly smirked when he saw that she had noticed. _Disgusting pig,_ she thought bitterly as she stuffed her notebook and papers into her backpack.

What was it about douchebag jockey type dudebros and their secret pinings for the freaky girls in plaid who were considered nobodys by pretty much everyone around them? In fact, De was fairly certain the majority of the school thought she was a lesbian, which, again she was sure, was helped by the fact that her best friend actually _is_ into chicks. Though, to be fair, the assumptions that she and Charlie are dating can easily be debunked due to the fact that Charlie is already dating Jo Harvelle pretty openly.

De spotted the pair out of the corner of her eye, standing by Jo’s locker talking to each other. She smiled fondly at the redhead and blonde, but continued on to biology, hoping to make it early enough to where she could pick her own section for the lab assignment.

She managed to get a table with Cas, along with Chuck and Becky, this tiny couple who always argued about _everything_. And today was apparently no different, seeing as right after the teacher announced that the students would be working in groups of four, rather than in pairs, Becky let out a dramatic sigh and said, “I am having really bad menstrual cramps, so I won’t be able to do much work, just so you guys know.”

Chuck huffed in response and muttered, “I told you to go to the nurse’s office and lie down, Becky. You never listen.”

“No, Chuck, I don’t because you can’t tell me what to do. I don’t take orders from men.” Becky shot back with a glare in his direction. Chuck let out a sigh and pulled open his notebook, flipping through the pages.

“I don’t understand. You’ve been like this ever since we got back from summer vacation.” He replied.

Becky crossed her arms and turned to look at De and Cas, who were watching the exchange with raised eyebrows. “Well _that’s_ because _somebody_ went to Comic Con over the summer and didn’t invite _me_ to come along with him!” She practically snarled at Chuck, who seemed to shrink in size.

“I told you, my dad didn’t buy enough tickets for you to go. If he had you know I would have taken you with me.”

"Oh right, I’m so _sure_ you would have taken me with you. I am so sure that wouldn’t have interrupted your sexual escapades with a Wonder Woman cosplayer while you were there.” Becky replied, turning to Chuck again.

“For the last time, Becky, I did _not_ cheat on you while I was at Comic Con!”

De heard Cas stifle a laugh beside her, and she glanced over to meet his eyes, biting on her lower lip to keep from laughing herself as the couple continued to bicker.

“Right, sure, that’s _exactly_ something a cheater would say to his heartbroken girlfriend!” Becky said dramatically, throwing a hand over her chest. Chuck rolled his eyes.

“You need to stop being so paranoid; you know I would never do that to you.” He replied in an exasperated voice.

“Well you need to learn how to love someone the right way instead of running off to San Diego over the summer to hook up with busty girls in spangled tube tops and headbands.” Becky said, turning to pick up her backpack. “I’m going to the nurses office.”

Chuck sighed and watched as she stomped out of the classroom, leaving an awkward silence in her wake.

De looked around for a moment before clasping her hands together. “Well.” She started, trying to break the tension. “Who’s ready to look at some leaf pigments?”

“I did the pre-lab assignment sheet the other night, so you can just copy mine.” Cas said, reaching into his notebook to pull out the completed paper as Chuck grabbed one of the leaves off the table and began to shred it into tiny pieces with a little more force than was perhaps necessary.

“Oh no, come on, Cas, I couldn’t copy your work.” De replied, waving a hand dismissively.

“You copy my work all the time.” Cas said, brow furrowed.

“Right.” De nodded awkwardly, turning to fiddle with her pencil. “Guess I’m not the best lab partner in the world, what with all the mooching I do.”

“No I... I don’t mind...” Cas stammered slightly. “You definitely have your, uh, benefits.”

De smirked, trying to hide the stupid blush creeping onto her face.

“Thanks, Cas.”

xxx

  


She decided it was best to keep what was going on to herself, not to let her family know something was up, ever, if she could pull it off. She would be calling the clinic after dinner, ending this whole thing before it really had a chance to begin. It wasn’t like Bobby and Jody were her parents anyway, they couldn’t really tell her what to do. But she had a sneaking suspicion that Bobby knew how to hide bodies, plus Jody was the sheriff, she could help cover her disappearance up.

Bobby was a friend of the family her dad had dumped her with before taking off to Minnesota and starting a new life. From the postcards she occasionally gets, her dad has a new wife and kid up there. Every now and then he’ll send a halfhearted plea to have her and Sam come up and live with him, the new wife, Kate, and his replacement kid, Adam. Those letters found their way to the trash pile relatively quickly; she didn’t need to relive the abandonment over again. She knew John would send her right back to Kansas after a few months at most. Uncle Bobby was pretty great to her and Sammy though, taking them in after De and Sam’s mom died; putting up with John’s random drunken soliloquies about how he was going to “Get the thing that took Mary from him.” Even after marrying the town sheriff, Bobby still didn’t send the Winchester children packing.

The four of them sat around the dining room table, eating a roast and baked potatoes that Jody had put together because it was her day off. De felt like everyone was staring at her, like they could tell she was hiding something, even if everyone was admiring their dinner.

“How’d that maneuver go last night, De?” Bobby asked between mouthfuls.

“Which one?” De smirked. “The one where I downed an entire extra-large blue raspberry slush in under thirty minutes or moving an entire living room across town in the dead of night?”

“Deane,” Jody interjected. “Did you throw up in my flower pot, the one on the front porch?  I was out there watering this morning and there was a bunch of blue shit…” she looked over to Sam who didn’t seem to be following the conversation at all. “I mean gunk, all over my flowers.”

Dean tried not to smile as she remembered the brain freeze followed immediately by the urge to empty everything in her stomach as soon as possible. It was either puke on the porch, which she would have to clean, or puke in the flowers, which she wouldn’t, so flowers it was.

“I would… I would never puke on your flowers, Jody,” De said as sweetly as she could. She could tell Jody didn’t believe her, but she wasn’t about to start an argument at the table.

Bobby cleared his throat. “How was your day, Sam?”

Sam shrugged. “Fine. I think I’m going to learn to be a magician.”

“Why?” De asked, because that sounded like the stupidest thing she’d ever heard.

“Because,” Sam huffed. “Today at recess Brady was showing off this new magic trick he learned and everyone really liked it, and then Jess said that it was really cool. And I want her to think I’m really cool. So I’m going to become a magician.”

“Sound logic,” Jody smiled.

De rolled her eyes. Her little brother was twelve and already changing himself for girls.

xxx

She had looked up the various clinics in the phone book earlier that day, finally deciding to settle on Mary’s Choice because she didn’t need to have a parent’s approval. De was somewhat amused by the name, however, assuming that the clinic had been named after the world’s most famous virgin. She locked her bedroom door, just to be safe, and dialed the number on her phone, trying to force her hand to quit shaking so she could actually function like a normal human being.

After the third ring, a woman’s voice answered. “Thank you for calling Mary’s Choice what can I help you with?” she chirped.

“Uh yeah hey I need to procure a rather hasty abortion.” De answered, twisting the phone cord through her fingers.

“All right can you give me your name and age?”

“I’m sixteen; my name is Deane Winchester. ‘Deane’ being spelled with an ‘e’ not an ‘a'.” She then spelled out her last name at the woman’s request.

“Okay, Deane, do you know how far along you are in your pregnancy?”

“Well not exactly, but I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s been about two months and four days since the actual sex so...mind you that’s a rough guess.”

“I see. And how long have you been sexually active?”

“Sorry what?” Ugh _sexually active._ De hated when adults used that term. She doesn’t even know what it means. Is it like, she’s gonna deactivate from sex someday like a robot with dead batteries or is the active part a permanent condition once fully charged? Well, she supposed if it _was_ possible, then Cas must have went active full blast the night they did it in that ugly chair. Maybe that’s why he had a look of such pure awe on his face pretty much the entire time.

Realizing she had started to zone, De quickly answered the rest of the woman’s questions and got the actual appointment scheduled. By the end of the weekend, she thought as she hung up the phone, she will successfully be fetus free.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Charlie dropped her off in front of Mary’s Choice bright and early Saturday morning. De couldn’t bring herself to ask Charlie to sit next to her and hold her hand for the appointment, even though Charlie offered. This was De’s mess, she had to clean it up herself. She was expecting there to be all sorts of protesters out front, but there was only Leah Gideon from art class with a glittery sign that read “Babies Are Miracles.”

“Hey, Leah...” De smiled awkwardly as she tried to walk past.

“Oh hi, Deane. You know that your child is a precious gift, right?” Leah said, holding up her sign as if the emphasize her words.

“Uh, okay,” De nodded, eyes glued to the ground awkwardly. “Hey did you... um... ever finish that oil pastel assignment we started last week?”

Leah shook her head, still holding that stupid sign up beside her. “No, I got about halfway through it though. It’s just kind of difficult to concentrate on when I have so much calculus homework.”

“Yeah... well hey if you need some Adderall or something I’m sure I got some left over from when I had to take it freshman year.” De replied, gingerly kicking a pebble with the toe of her shoe.

“Uhhh, no thanks I’m good.” Leah answered, furrowing her brow.

“Mmm… probably for the best.” De nodded. “Those things can be brutal sometimes. Did you hear about that one girl who took too many last year and ended up like stripping down to her underwear and running through the food court of the mall screaming about hellhounds chasing her?”

“I heard that was you...” Leah replied, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, I’ll see ya at school I guess,” De diverted. “I’ve uh... got a thing...” she gestured to the building and moved to walk around Leah with her hands in her pockets.

“Wait!” Leah called after her. “Your baby probably has a beating heart.” De continued walking, trying to tune out the other girl’s voice. “And... and it probably has eyes too. And fingernails!”

De stopped walking and turned around. “Really? Fingernails?” She hadn’t done much research on what the actual process of creating an infant entailed. She honestly thought it was better if she didn’t think of it as a little person inside her, just a mistake, something that had to be taken care of.  
Leah nodded.

“Huh. Well, alright then,” De nodded awkwardly and turned around, heading toward the clinic doors again.

 

The clinic had the horrible hospital smell that always gave De the jeebs. The girl behind the pane of bulletproof glass wasn’t much older than she was, flipping through Cosmo and smacking away on brightly colored gum.

“Welcome to Mary’s Choice where women are our friends,” she deadpanned not looking up from the magazine. “Please keep your hands where I can see them and surrender any weapons.”

De raised her hands up to her shoulders.

“Hey, I’m here for the big show.”

“Name please,” the girl finally looked up, clearly annoyed the De had interrupted her reading about the best ways to please her partner.

“Deane,” De answered. “Deane Winchester.”

“Right then,” the receptionist checked something off on the chart in front of her then looked around for a clipboard. “You need to fill this out; both sides. No skipping anything. We need to know everything, don’t skimp on the dirty details.”

She could have sworn the receptionist _winked_ at her as she passed the clipboard through a small hole in the glass.

“Okay then,” De nodded turning to try to walk away.

“Would you like a free condom?” the receptionist offered pulling one out of the cookie jar next to her. “They’re boysenberry.”

“No, I’m good,” De said flicking the stupid purple thing back. “Taking a break from the whole ‘sex thing’ for a while.”

“My boyfriend uses them every time we do it,” the receptionist overshared. It was like she was trying to keep De from walking away. “It makes his junk smell like pie.”

De considered taking one for about half a second. Pie was one of her weaknesses. She began to imagine herself straddling Cas in that chair while he smelled of pie. She quickly brought herself back to reality, when she realized she’d let a dopey grin slide across her face.

“No, I’m good, thanks,” she said, clearing her throat.

She found an empty chair in the waiting room filled with pregnant women and families with small children. She looked over the paperwork she’d been given. This place wanted to know all about her period and sexual experience. Easy enough questions considering there was only that one other time, last year when she was a camp counselor at a sleep away camp that Bobby and Jody would only allow Sam to go to if De was a counselor. His name was Michael, and it was _kind of_ a relationship, but nothing really exciting; mostly a holding hands, he’d let her wear his sweatshirt on chilly nights type of thing. They only had sex once the day before camp ended. Everyone else was doing it might as well follow the crowd. The two of them had exchanged phone numbers but ended up never talking to each other again. With Cas it had been more planned out, well, in her head anyway. The act itself wasn’t exactly premeditated that night, but she’d thought about it before; had gotten used to the idea before she acted on it.

De’s eyes wandered around the room for second. There was a pregnant woman sitting two seats to the left scratching her expanded belly with long blue painted fingernails. Across the waiting room there was a mom and a girl about Sam’s age, the mom drumming her short fingernails on the clipboard as she filled out her own paperwork. To her right was a woman in her thirties who, De guessed, was the mother of the two young kids running around, and she was casually sliding a nail file over the nail on her index finger, then admiring her work.

“Mom!” the younger girl, probably about five or six, screeched. “She scratched me! Look!”

The girl thrust her arm at her mother, showing a long thin scratch down her forearm, easily caused from her sister’s fingernails.

Fingernails, everywhere De looked.

Her baby had fingernails; tiny little fingernails on the tiny little fingers it probably had.

She let out a deep breath. _I can't do this_ she thought as the scratching and drumming and nail filing got louder in her head. _I can't do this_. She stood up, placed the clipboard down on the chair that she’d been sitting in and ran. She booked it out of there, running past Leah and down the sloped parking lot.

“Your baby thanks you!” Leah called after her, but De wasn’t listening.

She didn’t stop running until she saw a payphone. She fished in her pocket for a quarter and dropped it in, dialing the familiar digits of Charlie’s cell number.

“Come get me,” De blurted before Charlie could say hello.

“I was going to come get you at four,” Charlie answered confused.

“Well, change of plans, come get me _now_ ,” De said. She knew she sounded incredibly freaked out, but right now she couldn’t help it. Freaked out was exactly how she felt. “I’m down the street from the place, just get here okay. I’ll explain later.”

“Alright,” Charlie said calmly. “Alright just calm down. I’m at the mall, it’s gonna take a few minutes. Just stay where you are okay.”

“Okay,” De nodded. “I’ll be right here. Just please, get here.”

“I’m on my way.”

xxx

“Spill,” Charlie demanded as they hit the highway on the way back to Lawrence. “What the hell was that all about?”

“I couldn’t do it,” De sighed. “I just... when I walked up, Leah Gideon was there with this giant sign that had friggin' glitter on it.”

“Leah Gideon?” Charlie questioned.

“I know, right,” De continued. “She was like literally the only protester there, and she was all ‘oh hi your baby has fingernails.’ And then I got in there and the receptionist tried to give me these pie flavored condoms...”

“How many did you take?”

“Shut up, Charlie I’m being serious,” De sighed. “The magazines in the waiting room were all parenting mags and they were, like, twenty years old and water stained and dog eared. And I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can,” Charlie soothed. “We’ll go together. I’ll set you up another appointment, tell them you just got freaked out and I’ll go with you next time.”

De sighed. “I think...I think I'm staying pregnant.”

“You sure?” Charlie asked. “You’re gonna become all Leave it to Beaver with Cas?”

“No, God no,” De shook her head. “I was thinking while I was waiting for you, I could give it over to a couple that doesn’t have a kid, right. Maybe a nice lesbian couple or someone with junk ovaries or something.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Charlie nodded staring out the windshield. “But you know eventually you’re going to, like, look pregnant. And you're going to have to tell people. You’re going to get huge and your boobs are going to lactate and all that stuff.”

“I know,” De sighed. “But I’m being selfless though, right? Maybe they’ll build a statue to me in the hospital or something. I can be a role model for other pregnant teens.”

“Or,” Charlie reasoned. “They’ll totally crap themselves, and demonize you, and not let you graduate. And Bobby and Jody will keep you from going with me to Atlanta over spring break.”

“I was gonna go to St. Louis with Cas, actually,” De mumbled.

Charlie let out a very exasperated sigh. “Maybe we can check out the adoption ads in the classifieds.”

“They have ads for babies?” De asked skeptically.

“Yeah,” a smile grew across Charlie’s face. “Desperately seeking spawn.”

“That sounds like the sketchiest thing of all time, Charlie.”

“Well whatever, let’s just get some newspapers and look through them. See if we can’t find anybody who has some appeal.”

xxx

The two of them sat on a park bench later, various newspapers scattered over their laps as they searched through the classified sections, voicing any potential contenders they came across.

“Ooh how about this?” Charlie piped after a while of silence. De leaned over and stared down at where Charlie’s finger was pointing on the page.

“Family of six seeking to adopt? Will provide wholesome environment for precious little-one?” De read skeptically. “Yeah but they already have four kids. Sound a lot like baby hoarders to me...”

Charlie shrugged, crossing out the ad with her purple gel pen, and went back to her search. De picked up one of the papers stacked in her lap, eyes straying over to the exotic bird ads right next to the adoption ones. “I want a parrot.” she said absentmindedly.

“Dude, focus.” Charlie responded, snapping her fingers in De’s face.

“Sorry, it’s just... none of these people are really standing out to me. Well, in a good way at least. I’m not counting that one couple whose ad seemed suspiciously more like a request for cult members than an actual adoption ad.” She shook her head. “Maybe I’m just picky. I want this kid to have a good home, you know?”

Charlie nodded in understanding. “I’m sure we’ll find someone eventually.” She folded the paper currently in her hands and tossed it down on the empty side of the bench before picking up another one.

“It’s not like I’m looking for the Brady’s or the Keaton’s or whatever,” De explained. “I’m just looking for, you know, like, a guy in his thirties who’s really into cars and maybe owns his own body shop and has like a quirky little brunette girlfriend who’s into yoga or botany or something.”

“Nothing too specific,” Charlie rolled her eyes, unfolding another paper and spreading it out over her lap.

De was about to go back to her own paper when one of the ads on Charlie’s caught her eye. She leaned over, nearly snatching it out of her friend's hand as she got a closer look at the neat, black and white picture with the words typed beneath it. And just like that, she knew she’d found her couple.

Their names were Gabriel and Anna Milton, and they were beautiful, even in black and white.

xxx

Castiel lay sprawled out on his bed, yearbook open as he stared down at the messy scribble of De’s handwriting next to her picture. _Hey, Cas make sure when you jack off to this smokin hot pic of me that you use scented lotion! Your (sorta) best friend, De._

A knock on his bedroom door interrupted certain thoughts of a reclining chair and the warm weight moving on top of him, breath heavy in his ear. He looked up to find his mom standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face.

“Hey, Castiel. Supper’s ready. You gonna come down and eat?”

Cas shook his head. “Nah, not really feeling hungry tonight.”

“You sure?” she pressed lightly. “You ran eight miles today, Angel. And I made hamburgers. I know they’re your favorite.”

“Thanks, Mom, but maybe later.”

His mom stood in the doorway for another few seconds.

“Deane Winchester stopped by today while you were out running.” she said. Cas tried his best not to look eager at this news, schooling his face into a nonchalant expression.

“Oh really?”

She nodded. “You know how I feel about her. She’s just... a little odd.”

“I know.” Cas replied softly, looking back down at his yearbook. When he glanced up again his mom had left, closing the door behind her. He resumed daydreaming, thoughts overlaid with the same basic mantra. _De was pregnant._ He had slept with Deane Winchester on the greatest night of his life, and she was now pregnant. With _his_ child. And she wasn’t gonna keep it. Though by this point, he reasoned, she's probably not even pregnant anymore. He stared up at the spinning ceiling fan, still attempting to process his emotions over this particular turn of events. It wasn’t like he regretted the sex, of course he didn’t. _Maybe it’s for the best._ He thought to himself, remembering how De had quite plainly told him she didn’t want him to feel obligated to be involved in any of it.  
He closed his eyes and sighed, stretching out his free arm across the empty space on the bed, a pair of Batman bikini briefs clutched in his hand.

xxx

Family meetings were things that actual families had, not patchwork whatever the hell the people that lived in the same house as De were. She knew it was best if she just got it over with, told everyone in one swoop. Sam wasn’t there, obviously, he didn’t need to know, not yet. Maybe she could skirt around the whole situation with him for a while. She didn’t want him to think she was some damaged goods or something. She like how he looked up to her, almost in a hero worship kind of way. She’d do everything in her power to never let that change. But if she was going to start slowly becoming the size of a small house, she should probably tell Bobby and Jody. She just hoped they wouldn’t kick her out.  
Pacing back and forth across living room with Charlie sitting on Bobby’s desk behind her for moral support, De tried to figure out how she was going to word this.

“What’s going on, Deane,” Jody asked. “Did you get expelled from school?”

“No, I’m pretty sure the school would call you if I got expelled.”

“Did you hit someone with one of the cars?” Bobby asked, half serious.

“God no,” De shook her head. “I’d just bail in a hit and run.”

“Then what is it,” Jody pressed.

“Do you need money? Legal counsel?” Bobby asked. “I got a lawyer I can call.”

“No, I’m not asking for anything,” De sighed. She rolled her head back and forth as she paced. “Well, maybe mercy? It would be _awesome_ if no one hit me.”

“Dude,” Charlie whispered. “Just do it. Rip it off like a band aid.”

“De,” Bobby asked, a little more concerned this time.

“I’m pregnant,” De nodded.

“Oh my God,” Jody let her head fall into her hands, which were balanced on her knees.

“Yeah,” De sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. “But I’ve already looked into adoption. I found this nice couple. They’ve been trying to have a baby for, like, five years, but they can’t. They have a legit lawyer. They said they’d pay all my medical expenses and everything. I’m meeting them next weekend.”

“I didn’t...” Jody shook her head then turned to Bobby. “Did you know she was sexually active?”

“Can we not,” De asked quietly. “Kind of a moot point now, right?”

“Who’s the kid?” Bobby demanded.

De looked at him, confused. It was the size of a pin; she didn’t know anything about it.

“Well umm, I don’t know much yet,” De said placing her hands on her belly. “It’s got fingernails.”

“Really, fingernails?” Jody piped in curiously.

“No, Deane,” Bobby sighed. “Who did this to you?”

“Oh,” De nodded feeling like an idiot. “Yeah, right of course. Umm… Castiel Novak?"

“Castiel?” Bobby asked with a look of shock on his face. “Really?" He huffed out a brief chuckle. "Didn’t think he’d have it in him.”

“I know right?” Charlie laughed. “Little nerd boy like that.”

“Charlie, not helping,” De hissed. “And just so you know, Cas is _very_ good in...”

“De, don’t,” Bobby shook his head.

“In chair,” De finished softly.

“How?” Jody said, staring at her. “I mean, why?”

De shrugged, chewing on her lip.

“Does he know?” Bobby asked seriously.

“Yeah,” De answered. “I told him right after I found out. If it makes you feel better I haven’t been able to eat _anything_ for two weeks without projectile vomiting across the bathroom, and I have heartburn that radiates past my knee caps.”

“So you're looking into adoption?” Jody asked, interrupting De’s monologue.

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “We were looking in the classifieds the other day. They had ads for wannabe parents right next to the exotic birds.”

“Still not helping,” De sighed. “Yeah, Uncle Bobby, I already talked to them and stuff. They seem really nice, nothing you know, serial killer about them. I... I’m not ready to be a mom.”

“Damn right,” Bobby sighed. “Can’t even remember to feed Sammy when we’re workin’ late.”

“I was twelve,” De spat. “It was one time, seriously, let it go. He didn’t die or anything.”

“Yeah well, I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to stop,” Bobby shook his head.

“Honestly,” De shrugged. “I have no idea who I am.”

“Deane,” Jody said seriously. “Have you thought about the other options?”

“Yeah,” De nodded. “I have, but I... I can’t do it. And I can’t keep it. But I don’t want to be one of those girls on the news that pops one out at prom and throws it in a trash can.”

“This is way above your maturity level, kiddo,” Jody rubbed her hand down her face. “Lots of women a lot older than you can’t make this kind of decision.”

“I just...” De tried to think of the best way to word this. “I... I think I want something good to come out of it. I mean, if I can make someone else happy, I think it’ll be alright, maybe. I mean me and Cas can’t raise a baby. That would be horrible. And I’ve got plans; he has _big_ plans after we graduate, you know, and a baby would mess all that up. So I mean if I can’t keep it, I want to give it to someone who can love it, give it a good life.”

“Well,” Jody said talking a very deep breath. “I think you’re being very brave, Deane. Now first thing we gotta do is get you a doctor’s appointment, get you healthy. You’ll need prenatal vitamins and all that. I’ll make some phone calls.”

“I’m going with you to meet this couple,” Bobby said. “You’re just a kid; I don’t want you being taken advantage of by some baby crazy yuppies.”

“Alright,” De nodded. “That’s it? No yelling?”

“Maybe when the shock wears off,” Bobby half smiled. “Go upstairs for now.”

“Can I just ask one thing?” De said quick as Charlie jumped down from the table. “I know I’m not really in a position to ask for favors, but...”

“What is it?” Bobby sighed. De could feel the disappointment radiating off of him, and the sting of it hurt almost worse than anything she'd experienced so far.

“Let me tell Sammy,” De pleaded. “I mean, he’s going to find out. I just want to be the one to tell him.”

“Alright,” Jody said rubbing Bobby’s arm.

“And please don’t tell my dad,” De blurted. “I don’t know if you talk to him or anything, but like, please, don’t. I don’t want him to know.”

Bobby nodded solemnly. “Go upstairs.”

De turned on her heels and ran up the stairs, Charlie right behind her.

“Is this my fault?” Bobby asked Jody when he thought De was out of earshot. “Did I make her lash out like this?”

“Course not,” Jody consoled. “You do everything you can for two kids and they aren’t even yours. Might have everything to do with her Daddy and how he left ‘em, but it ain’t your fault, Bobby. She’s been through a lot. And honestly, Bobby, teenagers, they get bored and have sex. You can’t stop it, you just have to hope it doesn’t end up like this.”

“Did you see that coming?”

“Kind of,” Jody admitted. “But I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs.”

“A DUI, anything, but this,” Bobby sighed and shook his head. “That girl.”

Jody smiled softly and reached over to run a hand over his arm.

“I’m not old enough to be anyone’s grandpa.”

“You’re not going to be,” Jody comforted. “And Deane’s not going to be anyone’s mother. Some family is gonna get a miracle out of this giant mess.”

“I tell ya one thing, though,” Bobby said gruffly, “Next time I see that Novak kid I’m gonna kick him in the damn balls.”

"Ah come on, Bobby," Jody chuckled. "He’s a really nice kid. And you know it wasn't his idea."


	3. Chapter 3

Grace Valley Estates, as it turns out, was one of those subdivisions De felt had come straight out of the friggin’ Home Living magazines that Jody liked to hoard in a basket beside the living room TV. As Bobby turned into the area with his old rusty pickup truck, De realized she had quite possibly never felt more out of place in her life. Hell, even the cobblestone sign just outside the subdivision announcing where they were was fancier than anything she had in her own house.

She stared out the window at each house they passed, feeling more and more like she had ventured into some alternate universe of stereotypically perfect American dream living. Each house had brick mailboxes, sleek and shiny cars in the driveways, immaculate gardening, and even those fancy sprinklers that spray the water in fancy circles like they are putting on some kind of performance.

De shifted in the car seat a little, chewing on her lip nervously. What if these Miltons were some kind of uppity rich couple, and once they had seen De and Bobby, they would automatically assume that De was nothing more than a poor white trash girl not worth giving them a child with her poor white trash genes?

Reaching down to pick at a smudge of chocolate on the knee of her jeans, she suddenly found herself wishing that she had invested more time that morning into freshening up her appearance. De subtly leaned her head slightly to the side to sniff at her armpit, double checking to make sure she had at _least_ remembered to put on deodorant. Well, she thought, as she looked back up through the windshield just as Bobby pulled into the fancy paved driveway of a two story tan brick house, at least she would smell nice for her first impression.

She felt her heart rate increase with each step towards the pristine front porch, with its double doors that had giant oval stained glass windows. For one second, De almost had the urge to reach out and take Uncle Bobby’s hand for comfort, before she remembered that she was a pregnant, sixteen year old girl and quite well beyond the age group where that was socially acceptable.

Before her courage could completely desert her, De leaned over and rang the embossed doorbell. Christ, she thought as the sound of a deep, booming melody echoed through the house; even the doorbell sound is intimidating.

De glanced over at Bobby, who was busy meticulously wiping his boots on the welcome mat, and she realized that she might not be the only one who was nervous about making a good impression.

As the sound of footsteps gradually drew closer to the front door, De forced her expression into one of aloof casualness. She even managed to put on a convincing smile as the door opened and a pretty redheaded lady in a pearl necklace, a nice cardigan and button-down with silver cufflinks answered the door.

“Hi, I’m Anna, and you must be Deane.” she said with a warm expression before turning to greet Bobby. “Mr. Singer, hi, Anna Milton.” she continued smiling.

“Oh yeah hi, Anna, right?” De half-joked in an attempt to lessen the nerves that were currently making her want to puke out her heart. De noticed, though, that Anna surprisingly seemed almost as nervous as she felt, and this realization allowed De to relax, if only slightly.

“Well, thanks for having me and my idjit child over to your house.” Bobby said with a brief but firm glance in De’s direction. De felt a half smile curve her lips.

“Oh no, please, thank you. Thank you so much for coming; please come in.” Anna replied, opening the door wider and moving out of the way in a welcoming gesture. De looked around the interior of the house, which smelled of lemon pine-sol and fabric softener. If she thought the subdivision itself looked like a Home Living mag poster-child, it was nothing compared to the inside of this house. Everything seemed to have its proper place, the hardwood floors were polished and shining, each picture frame straight, and every surface free from a single speck of dust.

“Can I take your jackets?” Anna interrupted De's train of thought, hands out in an opening gesture, smile still on her face. De and Bobby shouldered out of their coats and handed them to Anna, who folded them neatly over one arm.

“Oh nice picture in the classifieds, by the way,” De chirped as Anna placed the jackets on a table by the door. “Super swanky, and not in the, uh, douchebag kind of way.”

“Ah,” Anna replied, nodding her head with raised eyebrows, “Well... well thank you.” She smiled again, flashing white teeth just as a man with longish hair came down the steps.

“Hey there, Gabriel Milton, I’m the husband.” He said extending a hand to De and Bobby. He shook their hands and gestured into the living room, where a brunette woman in a pantsuit stood by the fireplace.

“This is Naomi Henderson, our attorney.” Anna continued as she led them towards the couches.

“Naaaomii.” De said in a slightly sing song voice.

“Hi.” Naomi replied with a perplexed expression. “Nice to meet you.” she extended a hand, which De then reached out and folded into a fist, pounding it with her own knuckles before flopping down on the neatly cushioned couch. In the back of her mind she knew she was teetering on the edge of ‘acting out’ mode, but her nerves couldn’t seem to stop her actions.

“And this, of course, is Deane.” Bobby said in a nearly exasperated voice as he sat down beside De, shooting her another firm look, which she pretended to ignore.

“Can I get some drinks for you guys? Lemonade? Vitamin water? Tea?” Anna pressed, still standing beside the couches as everyone else took a seat.

“Uh yeah, I’ll have a whiskey with lime, hold the ice.” De deadpanned.

An awkward silence followed before Bobby spoke up. “She’s jokin’ of course. Just one of her many, uh, genetic gifts, that sense of humor.” He said with a somewhat forced chuckle, elbowing De in the ribs where nobody else could see.

Anna smiled with a nod and sat down beside Gabriel, folding her hands in her lap neatly.

“So, Deane,” Naomi began, “How far along are you in your pregnancy?”

“Well actually I just went to the doctor yesterday and they said I was twelve weeks.” De replied with a nod.

“Oh that’s great. That’s wonderful.” Anna said eagerly, shifting on the couch a little. “So you’re into your second trimester then.”

De stared at her for a second, trying to figure out what the hell a trimester was. She nodded enthusiastically all the same, assuming it was some kind of pregnancy lingo that she had yet taken the time to learn.

“I’m supposed to be due around the beginning of May.” De continued.

“Oh marvelous. A spring baby.” Anna responded with a wide smile. “All my girlfriends tell me that the first couple of months are the most difficult.”

“Uhh I haven’t really noticed much,” De said, “I mean, apart from the whole projectile puking thing, and, of course, the emotional trauma of first finding out, it’s actually been pretty smooth sailing so far. I’m more concerned with when I actually start looking, you know, like a friggin’ planet, and have to buy new stretchy clothes to fit on my body.”

Anna chuckled warmly, placing a hand over her collarbone. “I just think pregnancy is such a beautiful thing.”

De nodded. “Well you’re lucky it’s not you.” She said, instantly regretting it when Anna’s face fell a little, and another awkward silence descended on the group.

“Uhh okay then!” Gabriel said in an attempt to recover the conversation. “So why don’t we discuss the actual process now.”

“Wait what do you mean?” De asked. “Don’t I just, yenno, shoot the kid out of my body in like nine months and just kinda hand it over?”

Naomi shifted in her chair. “Gabriel and Anna,” she gestured to the couple. “Are more than willing to have this be an open adoption.”

“Now hold on, what’s that mean?” Bobby asked, scratching absentmindedly at his beard.

“Basically, Mr. Singer, Deane, it means that the couple will send you updates on the child’s progress, photos mostly,” Naomi explained. “Just to let Deane know how the baby is doing as he or she grows up.”

“Oh no, no hold on a second.” De said, brow furrowed. “I don’t uh, I don’t want any photos or any kind of notifications on the kid. I mean, can’t I just do this thing old school like they did back in the day, just pop it on out and hand it over, case closed? You know, like Moses in the basket floating down a river towards his new mom?”

Gabriel chuckled. “I think that would be doing it ‘old testament,’ actually.” He joked. Anna turned to stare at him, her lips pursed and her eyebrow raised.

“Yeah right exactly.” De replied. “Just quick and dirty. You guys take the kid after it’s done baking, and we both continue on with our lives like normal.”

Naomi glanced from De and Bobby to Gabriel and Anna, her mouth slightly open. “Well then,” She began. “I’m assuming we are all agreeing to settle on a traditional closed adoption?”

“Shit yes.” De piped in. “Just close it on up like the Mines of Moria, ya know?”

Gabriel stifled a chuckle at her reference, which earned him another firm glance from Anna.

“And of course,” Anna said, looking back at De and Bobby, “We would compensate you for any and all medical expenses. Are you, uh, looking for any other kind of compensation?”

De furrowed her brow and stared at Anna for a minute. “No, of course not. I don’t wanna sell you the kid like a black market deal or something. You know, I just...” she paused for a minute, suddenly feeling an annoying twinge of emotion in her throat. “I just want the baby to be with people who are gonna love it and take care of it. A happy home and all that. I’m not... I’m not interested in anything much beyond that. I mean... I’m sixteen; I’m ill equipped to raise a kid. But you guys, you guys can give it the apple pie life it deserves.”

Anna nodded with a warm smile, shifting closer to Gabriel as he placed an arm over her shoulders. “Well you are doing a beautiful, selfless thing for us, and we are so, so grateful.”

“Anna’s wanted a baby ever since we got married.” Gabriel commented with a soft grin at his wife. “Always wanted to be a mom.”

“Yes, you know, have you ever felt like you were just... born to do something?” Anna asked, gesturing with one hand.

“Yep.” Bobby answered. “Automobile mechanic services.”

Anna nodded enthusiastically. “Great! Well, I feel as though I was born to be a mom.”

“How about you, Gabe, you lookin’ forward to being a pop?” De asked.

Gabriel nodded. “Oh yeah, you bet.” He replied. “Every guy wants to be a dad, you know? Drive the minivan, throw a football around, sneak his kids candy, all that stuff. Definitely.”

“Perhaps Naomi could take us through some of the official documentation real quick, if that’s okay?” Anna asked, gesturing to Naomi, who pulled open her briefcase.

“Awesome!” De said, clasping her hands together. “Hey, you guys mind if I use the facilities real quick? This baby makes me pee more than a drunken racehorse.”

“Sure, of course. The downstairs bathroom is being painted at the moment but if you go just up the stairs and down the hall...” Anna answered as De hopped up and practically pranced towards the stairs.

“Right yeah the room with the toilet, I got ya!” De called as she thundered up the steps.

Anna turned back to Bobby with a slightly astonished expression. “Is she okay or...?”

Bobby barely restrained the eye roll as he nodded. “Oh yeah this is normal for her, don’t worry.” He muttered.

 

De wandered down the upstairs hallway, staring at the framed photographs that lined the wall. They were all these fancy, bright photos of Anna and Gabriel with matching colored tops, hugging each other, smiling and laughing and being all cute and married and stuff. De grinned to herself, imagining for a moment that the faces in the photos were the faces of her and Castiel, before she realized what her mind was doing and snapped it back to reality.

The bathroom was, to no surprise, just as pristine as the rest of the house, with shiny gold faucets and crystal handles. She did her pee business and went back to the sink to wash her hands, gazing down at all the various lotions and makeup sitting neatly on the marble countertop. Staring in the mirror, De adjusted her ponytail, smoothing down the few stray hairs that were sticking up on the top of her head.

Smiling to herself, she reached down and picked up a container of purple eyeshadow, opening it and smearing a small amount on her finger. Looking back up at the mirror, she smudged the makeup in a line under each eye, thinking of all those grunty football players who walked around the school like they were the toughest shit. She flexed her biceps and growled into the mirror before laughing quietly and washing the makeup off her face.

De was about to leave when a bottle of fancy schmancy perfume caught her eye, the kind with one of those little ball things that you squeeze and the stuff comes out the top of the bottle. She squirted a bit on her wrists and rubbed it in, smelling herself afterwards with satisfaction.

She strolled back out of the bathroom, still sniffing her wrist occasionally and ran into Gabriel just as she was rounding the corner.

“Oh hey,” she said. “Didn’t expect to see you up here.”

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah just came up to get something for Anna.”

De paused, narrowing her eyes with a small grin. “Did your wife make you come up here to check on me? Make sure I wasn’t snoopin’ around?” she asked playfully.

“No, what? Do we come off as those kinds of people?” he replied, smiling as well.

De laughed a little and nodded. “I stole a squirt of your wife’s perfume while I was in the can.” she admitted.

“Oh really now?” Gabriel said, furrowing his brow in mock seriousness.

“Yeah but hey, listen, shit smells amazing get a whiff of this.” De said, shoving her wrist in his face.

“Ahhh I see.” He responded. “Is that supposed to make me feel extra good or something?”

De let out a puff of air as she moved to walk past him. “You should be feeling pretty good, bro. I’m giving you and Anna a friggin’ miracle. A sweet, screaming, pooping miracle. And ‘sides, you don’t even have to be there when it squeezes its way out of me all covered in, like, viscera and shit.”

She started to make her way down the stairs again before an open door to the right caught her eye. She paused, staring through the doorway at a photograph on the desk. “Woah, hold on a spiffy second there.” she said to Gabriel, who had already walked on ahead of her. He stopped and turned around, eyebrows raised.

“Is that a ‘67 Chevy in that picture?” De asked in an awed voice.

Gabriel grinned. “Hells yeah it is.” he said, moving ahead of De and into the room. She followed him, eyes still glued on the beautiful, cherry red car in the photograph.

“This right here,” Gabriel continued, gesturing to the picture, “Is my pride and joy.”

“Woah now, that’s _your_ car?” De let out a breath, impressed.

“Damn straight it’s mine. Got this baby parked out in the garage. Anna lets me take it out for a ride occasionally.”

“Wow, looks like somebody’s on a pretty tight leash.” De joked, looking around at the rest of the items in the room, which she could now see was a sort of office.

“My dad had a ‘67 once, black one. But he ended up taking it with him when he pissed off to Minnesota.” De said absently.

“Wait Bobby’s not your dad?” Gabriel asked, curious.

“Pft hell no. But he might as well be. Man’s raised me and my brother since my brother was still in diapers.” she nodded, staring at the picture of the Impala again. “Damn I loved that car. Wish my dad would just give it to me instead of the friggin’ postcards he sends every year.”

Gabriel nodded as De looked around the room some more, noticing the old records hanging on the wall. “Pretty sweet taste in music you got here, I see.” She said, moving to get a closer look at a vinyl copy of Zeppelin’s _Houses of Holy_.

“Yeah, that’s a legit edition too. Used to be my dad’s before he gave it to me. I listened to that puppy nonstop when I was a teenager.” Gabriel explained.

“No shit.” De said in awe. “You got a record player in here, wanna give it a spin?”

 

Back downstairs, Bobby, Anna and Naomi were still sat in the living room as Bobby looked around curiously.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to some sort of metal, black mechanism sitting in the corner.

“Oh, that’s a pilates machine.” Anna answered.

Bobby nodded. “Well what do ya make with it?”

“You, uh, you don’t make things with it,” Anna said, suppressing a grin. “You use it for exercising.”

“Ahh.” Bobby nodded again. “My wife, Jody, ordered one of those, uh, those shake weight things, you know, from the TV? Said it’s supposed to help her arms get toned or something or ‘nother. Things make a lot of racket though. Annoys the hell out of me."

Anna smiled, raising her eyebrows as muffled rock music suddenly filtered in from the second floor. The three of them looked up towards the ceiling.

“Uhm, can you just... can you excuse me for one second?” Anna said in a nervous voice, standing and brushing down her pants before walking up the stairs.

She came to stand in front of the office door, her head tilted to the side in slight annoyance as Gabriel and De sat across from each other at the desk, Gabriel flipping through a photo album and De looking on curiously.

When they didn’t notice her, Anna strolled into the room and pulled the needle off of the record, successfully silencing the music as she cleared her throat.

“Hi.” She said, forcing a smile. “What’s going on here?”

“Hi.” Gabriel responded. “I was just showing Deane here some photos of old Rocky Road.”

“Your car’s name is Rocky Road?” De asked, wrinkling her nose.

“Yep. After the best flavor of ice cream.” Gabriel said with a smirk.

“Huh. I used to call my dad’s car Baby. I guess that’s kinda funny now that I’m pregnant and all.” De laughed awkwardly as Anna crossed her arms.

“Yeah, well hey, Naomi’s still downstairs, we kinda have a lot more paperwork to cover so, you know...” Anna said, narrowing her eyes at Gabriel. He nodded and closed the photo album, slipping it back into the desk drawer as he and De stood up.

“Not to interrupt the jam session or anything.” Anna muttered as the three of them made their way back downstairs.

 

The group finished up the paperwork, Naomi pointing to sections on each sheet that she needed everyone to sign. Anna stood and grabbed De and Bobby’s jackets as Naomi placed the last of the papers inside her briefcase. Everyone else stood as well, Anna bringing the jackets over and handing Bobby his before helping De slide into her own.

“Thank you all so much for coming.” She said with a smile as De shrugged her jacket on the rest of the way. “And, if you can, keep us updated on any doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds, all that. If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Oh totally yeah. You guys deserve to know what’s going on with your kid; it's completely understandable.” De replied as Anna and Gabriel walked them to the door, pausing just before opening it.

“So you think you’re really gonna do this for us, then? All of this?” Anna asked, her voice shaking slightly. De glanced between Anna and Gabriel, nodding.

“Of course, yeah. I really like you guys.”

Anna hesitated. “How sure are you exactly, like, maybe eighty percent sure or ninety percent sure or...”

“I’m gonna go ahead and say I’m like a hundred and four percent sure, actually.” De replied, grinning.

“Oh wow,” Anna broke out into another wide smile. “Wow that’s really good then. Thank you.”

“No like, for real, if I could just have it right now and hand it on over I would.” De explained. “But I’m guessing it kinda looks like a wrinkly tadpole right now so you know, maybe we should let it cook a little longer. Let it get a little cuter, yeah?”

“I think that’s a great idea.” Bobby said, reaching for the door handle. Gabriel waved as Bobby and De started to move back out onto the porch.

“Nice meeting you both.” He said with a smile, Anna nodding in agreement. “Take care, drive safe, hopefully we’ll hear from you soon.”

De grinned back at the couple, feeling a warmth in her chest as Anna stepped forward and brushed a hand briefly over her shoulder with a “you're so beautiful," before she and Bobby closed the door behind them and made their way back to Bobby’s old truck.

 

Inside, Gabriel turned to Anna with a grin. “Well?” He asked, opening his arms as his wife slipped into them and wrapped her own around his back. “We’re finally gonna be parents,” she whispered tearfully into his collar.

 

xxx

 

Later that evening, De called Cas to get him caught up on everything that had happened since she told him she was knocked up. The phone only rang twice before he answered with that deep voice of his, the one she would never admit made her more than a little bit turned on, especially when it was hoarse with arousal.

“Hello?” De smiled, somewhat relieved that he had answered the phone instead of his mom. She had a strange feeling that Amy Novak didn’t like her because every time De came over to hang out with Cas, his mom would always rigorously question De about her life, often wrinkling her nose with contempt at De’s answers.

“Hey there, baby daddy.” De said playfully, wiggling her toes through her socks as she sprawled out on her bed.

“Oh, hi, De. Did you uh... take care of everything?” he asked cautiously.

“Well, there’s been a slight change of plans actually. Did you know our baby has fingernails right now?” she asked.

“Wait, fingernails... what? You’re... uh... still pregnant?” The last word hissed in a whisper.

“Yeah... turns out I couldn’t bring myself to nip it in the bud.” she admitted.

“Oh...” Cas said softly. His reply was followed by an awkward silence before he spoke again. “So are you uh... I mean... are we gonna keep it and like... be parents?” He would never admit it, but speaking the words suddenly made the situation a whole lot scarier than he had previously thought.

“Pft no of course not. Could you imagine us trying to be parents?” De scoffed with a chuckle.

Cas laughed awkwardly in response. “Yeah... yeah that would be pretty crazy. So then, what are we gonna do?”

“Well, you don’t have to do anything, really. I’m putting it up for adoption. Already found this nice couple, Gabriel and Anna Milton, yeah? And they are so awesome.” De gushed, finally feeling the excitement at just how perfect she found the Miltons. “Anna is super nice and _really_ pretty and Gabe, wow, he’s friggin’ great. Has all these old classic rock vinyls hanging in his office and he also has a bright red ‘67 Impala, you know like the one my dad had?”

Cas nodded before he realized she couldn’t see him over the phone. “Uh yeah, yeah. You, uhm..” He coughed awkwardly. “You call him Gabe?”

“I guess I mean, it’s kinda like how I call you _Cas_ , you know? Less of a mouthful than _Castiel_ or _Gabriel_. Just habit.”

“I see...” Cas replied, biting his lip.

“Well anyways, I was just calling to fill you in ‘cause it’s been awhile since our last discussion on this stuff.” De continued, sensing a shift in the conversation that she tried to maneuver around. “Did you ever finish that paper for Adler’s class? The one on the Industrial Revolution or whatever?”

“Oh yeah, finished it last night actually.” Cas responded. “I guess you um... probably wanna copy mine?”

De furrowed her brow. Something in his tone was off. “No thanks I pretty much almost got it. And plus Jody always aced history when she was in school, so I can just get her to help me if need be.” She paused for a minute. “You okay, Cas?”

Cas let out a breath. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It was good hearing from you. I should probably go, got an early run in the morning.”

“All right, man. We still on for the Roadhouse tomorrow night?” Jo Harvelle’s mom owned a roadhouse in town, and it was considered a regular hangout for the kids at Lawrence High. Plus, De mused, the place served literally the best burgers out of anywhere, and she and Cas often enjoyed indulging in them a few nights a week.

“Yeah of course. I’ll see you then. Goodnight, De.”

“Night, Cas.”

 

xxx

 

De and Sam sat on Bobby’s couch after school watching Hell Raisers II on demand when De decided it was probably as good a time as any to let her brother know about her predicament. She scooted closer, making it look like she was moving for the popcorn bowl in Sam’s lap.

“Hey, Sammy,” De said softly, popping a couple kernels in her mouth. “I gotta tell you something, and I want you to promise you won’t get mad at me alright?”

“Are you moving in with Dad?” Sam asked. “I know he’s been sending you a lot of letters lately.”

“No, I’m not moving in with Dad,” De shook her head. “And I threw those away in my room. You need to learn to stop being such a nosey little snot all the time.”

“Whatever,” Sam shrugged. “What am I not get mad at you about this time?”

“I just want you to know before you hear rumors at school about it,” De sighed.

“Do you have herpes?”

“No,” De shook her head. “You’re twelve, do you even know what herpes are?”

“Are you dropping out?”

“No, dude stop guessing,” De smirked. “You’re really horrible at it.”

“Then just tell me,” Sam said trying to look his big sister in the eye, but De just stared straight ahead.

“I got pregnant,” De said quickly. “I’m pregnant.”

“Are you going to get married?” Sam asked.

“Fuck no,” De chuckled. “Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s what you do when you get pregnant,” Sam nodded. “That’s what Zach’s sister did last year.”

“Zach’s sister is a lot older than me,” De said. “And she was engaged anyway.”

“Oh,” Sam shrugged. “So you’re just going to be a mom by yourself? Do you know who the dad is?”

“I’m not a whore, Sammy,” De replied, she knew Sam didn’t really know what he was talking about but it still hurt. She knew that kids at school would be thinking the same thing when she started to show. “My friend Cas is the dad.”

“But you guys aren’t dating or anything?” Sam asked. “I thought that’s how stuff like that worked.”

“Not always,” De answered.

“So how are you guys gonna do it? Like how are gonna raise it and stuff if you’re not dating?”

“That’s the thing, kiddo,” De smile ruffling her brother’s hair. “I’m not, we’re not. I’m going to give it to this really nice couple, the Miltons. Bobby and I went to meet them last weekend. They’re going to raise it as their own and stuff. All I have to do it cook the thing until it’s ready and pop it out.”

“What does Cas think about that?” Sam asked.

Honestly, De hadn’t really thought about it. She didn’t think he had an opinion, it wasn’t his body, nobody had to know that it was his kid growing inside her. Charlie told her that it was her choice what to do with the thing. She didn’t think consulting Cas was necessary.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. “We haven’t really talked about it. I just decided.”

“You don't think he should have a say?” Sam asked. “I mean, like, get to meet the other parents or whatever?”

“It’s not really any of his business what I do,” De shrugged.

They both turned back to the movie and fell into silence.

“In health class,” Sam said softly. “We learned how it was as much a guy’s responsibly as a girl’s.”

“Well,” De answered. “When Cas is the one that’s going to look like he’s shoplifting a watermelon and has to push a bowling ball out of his body, he can decide what to do with it. Until then, he can just accept that I _can’t_ have a baby. I can’t be... I don’t know how to be a mom. I’m sixteen, we did something stupid and now I have to live with the consequences growing inside me for the next six months. He can pretend it never happened and go on with his life with absolutely no physical evidence that it happened.”

“I guess you have a point,” Sam nodded. “I just think you should include him.”

“I’ll think about it,” De replied. “But you’re not... you’re not mad at me or anything?”

“No,” Sam shook his head. “Maybe if you murdered someone I’d be mad, or decided to run off or something. But you’re not hurt or killing anyone so I can’t be.”

“Just, when you’re old enough to give a shit about what girls think about you,” De said. “Think with your upstairs brain.” She tapped her brother on the temple before grabbing another handful of popcorn.

“Don’t be gross,” Sam sighed.

“I mean it, Sammy,” De said. “Use me as the cautionary soon to be whale. Don’t do stupid things because everyone else is doing it or it seems like fun. Think it through.”

“I will, Deane,” Sam smiled up at her. “I promise.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Winter**

 

The track team at Lawrence High tended to practice in any and all weather. This is why Cas found himself on a Wednesday morning, running on the snow-covered track surrounding the football field in a hoodie and sweatpants. He didn’t mind though, really. Running was the best way for him to clear his head, which, lately, was full to the brim of thoughts that wouldn’t just _stop_.

“Hey man.” the voice of Samandriel Edison brought him back to reality as the younger kid pulled up and began running beside him.

“Oh hey, Alfie.” Most people in the school called Samandriel this because, even though it wasn’t a middle name or anything else, it was much easier to say than his actual name, so  
it just kind of stuck. “How’s it going?”

“Did you hear?” Alfie said conversationally. “Deane Winchester’s pregnant.”

“Yeah. I heard that.”

“LIke our moms and teachers and stuff.” Alfie continued.

“Yeah.” Cas replied.

“You hear it’s yours?”

Cas hesitated for a second. Well, he thought, guess all the news is out then.

“Yep.” he responded. Alfie kept running beside him, even though Cas now wished nothing more than for him to _go away_.

“Crazy huh?” the younger boy sighed.

“I, uh, don’t really know too much about it, actually.” Cas attempted in the hopes that Alfie would leave him alone.

“You should grow a mustache or something.” Alfie mused. Cas almost laughed at that.

“I can’t,” he admitted after a second.

“Yeah me neither.” Alfie agreed. “But I’m gonna start going commando. I heard it’s supposed to raise your sperm count. See ya.” He sped up then, running ahead of Castiel. Cas slowed to a walk until there was a reasonable distance between them, and he was left alone with his thoughts once again.

xxx

De waddled her way to the main office for an early dismissal. She wasn’t huge yet, but at five months it was completely obvious she was with child. She hated the way that teachers and students stared at her, like they’d never seen a pregnant person before. It took more than her normal amount of self-control to resist the urge to just start stabbing people with makeshift weapons like in prison movies. She could only imagine how much worse it was going to get the bigger she got. The receptionist scratched out a note dismissing De and handed it to her, eyes glued to the bump under her AC/DC t-shirt. She snatched it and turned quickly, getting the hell out of the office as fast as she could.

Jody had set up most of her ultrasound appointments right in the middle of the school day. De appreciated the effort Jody was making to be accommodating to De’s hatred of the school system and thousands of eyes that never seemed to leave her belly now that most of the school knew what was going on under her shirt. She wouldn’t say she was _excited_ about the ultrasound, but she kind of was. She wanted to see the little thing squirming inside of her. She was walking, distracted by her own thought when she had a near head on collision with Castiel.

“Oh hey, De,” Cas smiled, adjusting the box containing what appeared to be several cartons of eggs he was carrying. “A bunch of us are going to movie theater downtown after school if you want to tag along?”

“To make omelets?” De smirked.

“Uhh no,” Cas smiled back. “One of the guys on the team wants to egg up some of the movie posters in front of the theater, so… I guess we’re doing that.”

“Sounds fun,” De shook her head. This was one of the shenanigans she used to get into, harmless teenage fun that didn’t hurt anyone. “But I got an ultrasound. Make sure everything’s going alright in there. I got an early dismissal note and everything.”

“Oh,” Cas nodded. “Should I go with you? I mean is that the kind of thing that I’d go with you for?”

“No,” De shook her head. “No, Jody and Charlie are coming with me. I told you, you don’t gotta be really involved in any of it. I know it’s not really something you’d wanna do. You got other plans right? You’re egging things.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Cas nodded.

“Okay, Cas,” De smirked. “I guess I’ll see ya later then.”

“Later,” Cas agreed as he watched her walk away.

Part of her felt a little guilty of dismissing Cas like that. She hadn’t really considered his feeling on the matter. Maybe he wanted to look at the alien looking thing on the screen with her, but she figured that would make them a step closer to being a couple, and that was something she _didn’t_ want. Right? As she walked through the parking lot looking for Jody’s car she contemplated what it would be like if Cas came along with her, if he was involved in this whole process. The dad’s usually were. She vaguely remembered her dad excitedly showing her Sammy’s ultrasound when she was four and explaining that she was going to be a big sister. But that was different, right? Her parents were married back then, she and Sam were planned. This kid, _their_ kid was an accident. She pushed the thoughts back and tried to smile as she popped the door to Jody’s car and climbed in.

xxx

The table was cold, like laying on a sheet of ice in the dark room, add the cool sticky gel the ultrasound tech was now spreading all over her belly, this ultrasound thing was turning into a unpleasant experience. Charlie and Jody seemed to be enjoying themselves though, looking starry eyed at the black and white image of her insides. She looked over at her best friend and step mom; she really wanted to punch both of them. There was no sense in getting attached to this thing. Once she popped it out they were never going to see it again.

“There’s the feet,” the tech said pointing at a blob the left side of the screen. “And one hand.”

“That’s freakin’ awesome, De,” Charlie smiled. “But look at its giant head. Have fun pushing that thing out of your lady bits.”

“Shut up,” De shook her head. “I’m the sacred vessel. All you have in your stomach is subway.”

“Point taken,” Charlie smirked. De felt her best friend’s hand fall into her hair, like she was being petted. At first she thought about calling Charlie out on it, but after a few moments, it made De feel good, feel loved. 

“It is really weird looking though,” De smirked turning back to the monitor. “Can you believe there are chicks that _actually_ cry over these things?” 

She looked over to Jody who was apparently one of those chicks that cried at ultrasound pictures and grabbed her hand.

“I’m not a robot, Deane,” she joked. “Just look at that.”

“Do you want to know the sex?” the tech asked.

“Please, De,” Charlie asked. “So we can stop calling it ‘it’ all the time.”

“I call it ‘the kid,’” De corrected. “But no, I don’t want to know.”

“Keeping it a surprise for the delivery room?” the tech questioned.

“No, I mean, yeah, but I want to surprise Anna and Gabriel, and I know if I know I’ll just word vomit all over them so... yeah... don’t want to know.”

“Anna and Gabriel are friends at school?” the tech asked in an extremely condescending voice that no one in the room missed.

“No,” De replied. “They’re the parents, the ones adopting the baby.”

“Oh, well, thank God for that,” the tech sighed, handing De a towel to clean herself off.

“Excuse me,” De asked. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I just see a lot of teen moms,” the tech explained. “It’s not the greatest way to raise a child. Not all teen moms know what they’re doing and it can end up being a very poisonous environment.”

“How do you know _I’m_ poisonous?” De scoffed. “These people I’m handing it over to could be, like, Mr. and Mrs. Hannibal Lecter or something. They could be horrible monsters.”

“Or stage parents,” Charlie added.

“They could be negligent,” Jody continued. “Just because they’re looking for a kid doesn’t mean they know anything more about raising a kid than my idiot of a step daughter does. Age has nothing to do with what kind of parent you are. Deane’s already shown that she’s a better parent than half the ones out there by considering giving it to someone who wants a baby. Have you ever thought about that?”

“No,” the tech shook her head; clearly she hadn’t been expecting the group of women before her to talk back.

“What is your job title exactly?” Jody asked.

“What?” the tech leaned back in her chair.

“What. Is. Your. Job. Title,” Jody repeated nice and slow.

“I’m an ultrasound technician.”

“Well, I’m the sheriff,” Jody replied. “And I think we both should just stick to what we know.”

“Excuse me?” the tech asked, eyebrows pressed together in confusion. 

“You play with you’re pretty pictures up there,” Jody pointed to the now blank monitor. “I’ve arrested drunks who can do the same thing, and let me tell you, I’ve arrested some pretty idiot drunks. Why don’t you go back to night school in Wichita and learn a real trade?”

The tech stood up from her rolling chair with a huff, sending the chair flying backward as she stormed out of the room.

“Jody,” De laughed. “You’re an asshole, I like it.”

“Well,” Jody shook her head. “It’s one thing for me and your uncle to call you an idiot, but it’s a very different thing coming from a complete stranger who knows nothing about you.”

xxx

De laid in her bed staring at the ultrasound picture. What was she supposed to do with this thing anyway? She tried to remember when her mom was pregnant with Sam: The huge smile on her face the whole time as she got bigger and bigger. De knew this part was likely a fabrication of her mind, but she liked to remember her mom that way, happy. She tried to remember that time, back when her life wasn’t complete shit. She thought she could remember pushing a dining room chair up against the refrigerator and looking at the little black and white of fetus-Sam, being confused but fascinated by the soon to be sibling baking inside her mother. 

 

_“Whatcha doing there De?” her father asked in her memory. All big muscles and soft hands._

_“I’m looking at the baby,” little De had nodded. “I has to tell it about being a little kid so it’s ready.”_

_“Alright,” John smiled picking her up off the chair and carrying her into the other room where her mother was. “Why don’t you talk right to the baby? If you put your mouth really close to mommy’s belly the baby can hear you.”_

_“Really?” De remembered being really excited about that._

 

She let herself come back to reality. That wasn’t her life now. It was barely her life then. She figured Bobby and Jody wouldn’t mind if she stuck the picture on their fridge in the kitchen, but she could think of a much better kitchen to put it in.

xxx

The next afternoon, she picked one of the junkers from the yard that she knew Bobby wouldn’t care if she drove and headed over to Grace Valley Estates. She tucked the little black and white photo into the front of her hooded sweatshirt as she sat in the Milton’s driveway after killing the engine. She hopped down out of the cab and walked up the front door. As she got closer she started to worry that this was a horrible idea. What if they didn’t want to see her? Was she supposed to mail the picture? She stuffed her indecisiveness aside, she was already here, they probably saw her walking up the walk way, so she rang the doorbell.

Gabriel answered the door, confused look all over his face.

“Deane?” he frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah,” De nodded. “I’m freezing my balls off out here, mind if I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Gabriel stepped aside and let the teenager in. She dropped her bag on the table next to the door and shrugged out of her coat, making herself at home.

“So is Anna around?” De asked as she followed Gabriel into the kitchen. He got them both a glass of water from the dispenser in the fridge.

“No she’s still at work,” Gabriel said placing De’s glass in front of her. “Getting in as much over time in as possible before, you know.” He pointed to De’s belly with his glass, leaning back against the counter.

“Right,” De nodded. “I heard they can be _quite_ a time suck.”

“Yeah,” Gabriel sighed, eyes glued to De’s belly. 

“So, umm, why aren’t _you_ at work?” De asked. She didn’t want to straight up tell him to stop staring, but she really wanted him to break eye contact.

“I work from home.” Gabriel answered finally looking at her face. “I’m a composer.”

“Oh, like Beethoven?” De asked. She played air piano to Beethoven's 5th symphony. “Dun dun dun dun.” 

“No, more commercial,” Gabriel answered. “Like Barry Manilow.”

“What?” De asked, because that didn’t make any sense.

“He wrote the Band Aid jingle,” Gabriel explained. “And the State Farm jingle.”

“Really?” De looked at him skeptically.

“Honest to God,” Gabriel nodded. 

“Huh,” Dean laughed. “That’s kinda cool.”

“That was my goal going into jingle writing,” Gabriel added. “Be as cool as Barry Manilow.”

“He _does_ have quite a following of really old ladies from what I understand,” De couldn’t help but like this guy. She’d made the right choice with the couple; they were perfect.

“What brings you out here, De?” Gabriel asked seriously. "It’s a long drive to ask what I do for a living."

“Well, I got something to show you; you’re _probably_ going to want to sit down.” 

De followed Gabriel into the living room and sat on the big puffy looking sofa. She pulled the sonogram out of her pocket and handed it to Gabriel.

“Behold!” De smirked. “The first photo of your yet to be named child.”

“Oh, wow,” Gabriel took it from her, staring at the black and white photo, an unreadable look on his face. “That’s... this is...”

“It felt weird to mail it, you know,” De interrupted. “Plus I didn’t want it to get bent or anything.” 

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Gabriel asked trying to hand the picture back and De shook her head indicating he should keep it.

“The doctor does,” she answered. “But I kind of want it to be a surprise. I mean unless you and Anna want to know, then I’ll go right back and find out. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to know.”

“Umm, yeah, no, that’s fine,” Gabriel stammered. “Anna and I haven’t really talked about it, but I’m sure she’d be fine not knowing. I mean it can really only go two ways,” Gabriel joked.

“You’d think,” De said flopping down on couch beside him. “But I drink like a sailor, so you might get one of those deformed neuter babies born without junk.”

“Junk,” Gabriel smirked. 

“You know,” De made a motion toward her crotch. “It’s parts.”

“I know what junk is,” Gabriel nodded. “We want it to have junk.”

“Don’t worry,” De answered. “My step mom, Bobby’s wife, Jody, she makes me eat real healthy. Won’t let me go to taco bell anymore, won’t let me in the kitchen if the microwave is going, makes me take all these nasty tasting vitamins and shit. I’m probably healthier now than when I was born.”

“That’s good,” Gabriel nodded, an awkward silence settling between them. Gabriel leaned forward and placed the picture on the coffee table. 

De started to fidget. She sort of wanted to wait for Anna to get home to show her the sonogram but she didn’t want to be awkward. She started to lean forward. Standing up had become a bit of a chore with the baby, when Gabriel grabbed her arm.

“I wanna show you something,” he stood up and walked through the living room to a side door that De figured lead out to the attached garage.

“Okay,” De smirked. “Just give me a sec, the kid greatly affects my ability to do pretty much everything.”

She followed him out into the garage where, under a cover, was _the car_.

“Holy schizophrenia Batman,” De looked on in awe at the mint cherry red second most beautiful piece of machinery she’d ever seen. 

“I know right,” Gabriel smiled. 

“Is she road legal?” De asked running her hand down the side. “I mean, I think you said that you get to drive it sometimes, but like, this is fantastic.”

“It’s not currently running,” Gabriel confessed. “I haven’t driven it in about two years. It doesn’t turn over, but I’m not sure what’s wrong. Between work and various baby activities the last few years I haven’t really been able to work on it.”

“I can help!” De said wide eyed. “I mean, I used to help my dad with his when I was a kid. And I work around Bobby’s salvage yard quite a bit. I haven’t had my hands on a ‘67 Chevy since I was... thirteen... I think, but it’s like riding a bike right?”

“You were thirteen the last time you saw your dad?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah,” De answered like it was completely normal. “When Bobby and Jody got married, me and my kid brother, Sammy, we spent a week up there. I think Bobby was hoping that maybe this time our dad would, you know, keep us, but hell freezing over has a greater chance of happening than our dad taking me and Sammy back.”

“That... sucks,” Gabriel sighed.

“Well… he’s got a new family,” De shrugged. “So what would he need us for?” 

De knew she had overshared. No one really cared about the broken home she’d come from; certainly not the guy who would be adopting her kid. He was probably going to think she was damaged goods now. He’d probably sit down with his pretty perfect wife in their pretty perfect home, and tell her how much of a screw up the mother of their child was. De knew that she’d be getting a phone call in a couple days telling her that they were going to pass on taking her baby, because if it’s mom was that screwed up, there’s no way she’d be able to produce a perfect child to make their life even more perfect. 

“I’m sorry,” De said quickly. “You don’t care about my personal life.”

“It’s alright,” Gabriel walked to the front of the car and popped the hood. “Wanna take a look?”

 

Time seems to slow as De and Gabriel looked the car over, De could tell there wasn’t anything majorly wrong with the thing. If it wasn’t starting it probably just needed new spark plugs.

“Hey, umm, have you and Anna thought about what you’re going to call this bundle of joy when it comes out?” De asked. “My friend, Charlie, she doesn’t like when I refer to it as ‘baby’ or ‘the kid’.”

“Not really,” Gabriel answered. “But Anna likes Sophia for a girl.”

“ _Sophia_?” De curled her lip. “That’s umm, lame, like super lame.”

“Judgmental coming from a Deane with an ‘e.’” Gabriel laughed.

“I’m named after my grandmother,” De explained, then added under her breath. “And my dad kinda wanted a boy.”

“It fits you though,” Gabriel replied. “Just abnormal enough.”

“Exactly,” De smirked. “This is why I forbid you from giving a baby that I’m going to push out of my body a name that at least three other people in their class are going to have. You said you’d be willing to compensate me? Well, all I want is for the kid to have a cool name, like Axel or Raven or something.”

“I’ll talk to Anna.”

A comfortable silence fell over them before Gabriel spoke again. “You’re a very brave young girl,” he smiled. “Not many girls your age could go through with something like this.”

“Believe me,” De sighed. “It wasn’t easy. I weighed every possible option. But in the end, I’m really glad I didn’t get rid of it. I’m happy I can make your guys happy.”

“You’re really something else.”

In the main house, they heard a door close and the sound of high heels across the hardwood. 

“Fuck,” Gabriel sighed. “We gotta get you outta here.”

“Why?” De asked. “My car’s in the driveway, I’m pretty sure anyone could figure out you have a visitor.”

“Anna doesn’t like it when I spend all day with Rocky Road and not ‘contributing’.”

“It’s okay,” De said running around Gabriel to the door between the main house and the garage. “If I have one talent it’s defusing mother-like rage.”

Anna was dressed in a business suit with a skirt, carrying a briefcase and several overflowing shopping bags into the living room. 

“Gabe! Whose car is --” Anna called but was met by the smiling face of a De.

“Hi,” De said.

“Oh,” Anna let out a startled breath. “I guess that’s your car in our driveway.”

“Yeah,” De answered. “I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to park on the street or not, I hope it’s not in the way.”

“Oh, no,” Anna replied dropping her bags on the floor. “It’s fine, why... why are you here?”

“I went to the doctor yesterday!” 

“Oh,” Anna’s face went from confusion to worry. “Is everything okay? Is the baby alright? Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s good,” De smirked. “I just want...” she grabbed the sonogram off the coffee table where Gabriel had deposited it before they went to the garage. “I got this.”

“Oh my,” Anna smiled, and slowly lowered herself onto the sofa. “This is... that’s the...”

“Your baby,” De smiled she leaned over and point out the baby’s hand and feet. “Kinda looks like it's waving right? Like all ‘Hey Anna please be my mommy.’”

“De didn’t want it to get bent in the mail, so she drove all the way over here to give it to us,” Gabriel commented.

“Yeah I drove over as soon as I got all that disgusting ultrasound shit off my belly,” De explained. “My step mom verbally assaulted the tech so we had to be escorted from the offices. It was pretty awesome.”

“That’s great,” Anna said as if she didn’t hear a word De had just said. She just stared at the picture in her hand.

“I think it looks like my friend Cas.”

“Is he also tiny and bald?” Gabriel joked. 

“No,” De shook her head. “He’s the dad.”

“Come with me,” Anna said. “Gabe, grab those bags and bring them up.” 

She grabbed De’s hand and dragging her up the stairs to a room that De assumed would become the baby’s room. It was filled with pretty much everything a baby could need: a fancy looking white crib with a matching changing table, bags and bags of clothes and toys on the floor. 

“Nice,” De nodded looking at Anna who was staring back, as if she was waiting for De’s approval. “Scored some really awesome stuff here.”

“Mall Madness,” Gabriel said rolling his eyes.

“Most of it was on sale,” Anna said. “Babies need a lot of things, and I just want everything to be perfect. Do you like it?”

“Don’t you usually get this kind of stuff at baby showers?” De asked. “I mean when my dad’s wife had my step brother, Bobby made me go up for the shower. She got a boat load of crap.” 

“Well, this is a weird situation,” Anna said softly. “Our friends aren’t really sure what to make of it. We’ve gotten this far before and....”

“You think I’m going to change my mind don’t you?” De said shaking her head. 

“It’s not that,” Anna backtracked. “It’s just that, we’ve been through this before, and it didn’t work out.”

“What happened?” De asked.

“Cold feet,” Gabriel answered, he placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder in such a way that made De wonder if it was the birth mother’s feet that got cold or theirs.

“You know, in China,” De said trying to lighten the mood. “They basically shoot babies out of t-shirt guns. You could have gone there; you’d have a whole little liter of Chinese babies crawling all over this place.”

“Right,” Anna said nodding as she led De back downstairs. “Well, your parents must be worried about you.”

“Probably not,” De shrugged. “I mean I'm already pregnant, what other shenanigans can I get into?”

She waved after putting on her jacket and headed toward the door.

“Don’t forget your bag,” Gabriel called picking it up off the floor and sliding it over her arm. “Right, thanks," De replied. "I’ll talk to you guys soon. Keep you updated.”

“I’d like that,” Anna nodded, but for some reason it seemed like Anna was trying to rush her out of the house.

“Peace out,” De saluted and closed the door behind her.

xxx

Snow had covered the ground again by the time De stopped to buy a giant blue raspberry slush before arriving back home later that night, but to her dismay as she opened the front door, Jody was sitting at the desk in the living room, cutting out stupid pictures of cats that she printed off the internet and made scrapbooks from because she was totally obsessed with stupid cats.

“Hey, Dean-o, where the hell you been?” Jody asked looking up from her work. Deane paused, debating on whether to tell the truth or not before deciding to just spit it out.

“I uh, took one of the cars from Bobby’s lot and drove over to Grace Valley to show Gabe—uh Gabriel—and Anna the photos from the ultrasound. I ended up staying for a couple hours.” She said, secretly hoping Jody would just let it go.

“A couple hours? Why did you go all the way over there in the first place, couldn’t you have just mailed the pictures? Saved yourself a trip out to East Jesus Nowhere?” Jody asked, brow furrowed.

De bit her lip. “Well I mean I didn’t want the pictures to get bent up in the mail, so yeah. And they had asked me to keep them updated so, that’s what I was doing.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal. And while Gabe and I were waiting for Anna, he took me out into their garage and let me look at his car. He’s got a ‘67 Impala like the one dad has up in Minnesota except its red. So, it was cool. He’s kinda cool.”

Jody sighed, putting the cutout of a Calico she had in her hand back down on the desk. “Deane, you can’t just drop in on them unannounced like that.”

De tilted her head to the side, feeling a small twinge of frustration. “No, it was not a big deal. He was completely fine with it.”

“Listen, you don’t understand. Gabriel Milton is a married man. There are boundaries that you _have_ to respect if you are gonna do something like this.”

De scoffed. “Listen, _Jody_ , why are you acting like you’re the one that’s gotta go through this? Like you’re the one who has to get huge and then shove a friggin’ baby out of your vag for someone else.” She shook her head. “And besides what does it even matter if he’s married? I can have friends that are married. You’re making it sound like I’m a two dollar whore or something, _god_.”

“Oh don't be so dramatic," Jody retorted gesturing towards De with her scissors. "Listen, kiddo, life doesn’t work that way; you don’t know jack squat about the dynamics of marriage.”

“Well you don’t know anything about me!” De shot back, feeling stupid tears in the corners of her eyes that she willed with her entire being to stay where they were.

“I know enough; I can tell ya that right now.” Jody replied, turning back to her scrapbook cuttings.

De scoffed, gesturing towards the desk. “We don’t even _have_ a cat!” She practically shouted.

“Yeah, you’re right. We don’t have a cat because you’re allergic to their fur.” Jody said, turning around to face De again. “I have sacrificed a lot for you, Deane, and in a couple years when you move out, I’m gonna get Maine Coons!”

“Woah, dream big!” De yelled, stomping past Jody and into the kitchen.

“Oh go fly a kite!” Jody snapped back as De left through the back door, slamming it behind her. She walked around the side of the house until she was in the front, and then she dumped what was left of her blue slush all over Jody’s stupid flowers before getting in the car again and pulling out of the driveway, heading towards Castiel’s house.

xxx

Cas’ mom always made De feel uneasy. De was sure at one point in her life she was pretty, but it's almost as though years of judgmental frowning has left her with a permanently pinched and sour expression. Amy Novak seemed to look down at her whenever she’d appear at the front door. Even when they were little kids, before her dad took off and she was just a sad little girl with no mom. De couldn’t quite wrap her head around how someone could actually be _that_ judgmental of a six year old, but if there was someone, it was Mrs. Novak.

“Oh, hi Deane,” Amy said, sounding very disappointed when she opened the door. Like most people these days, she didn’t look at De’s face, but at her ever growing baby bump.

“Cas home?” De asked, knowing the answer because she could see the light on in his room. “I borrowed his biology lab notes, and I’m pretty sure he needs them back or, you know, his grade will plummet to, like, an A minus.”

“Yeah, I’ll go get him,” Amy turned to head up the stairs, but De pushed herself by. 

“I know where it is,” De called behind her. “Thanks Mrs. Novak.”

“Ten minutes,” Amy called after her.

De knocked on Cas’ door, and greeted him with a giant cheesy smile when he answered, clearly surprised to see her.

“Hey,” Cas nodded, letting her in. 

“Your mom only gave us ten minutes,” De nodded. “I’m not exactly sure what she thinks is going to happen. I mean.” She gestured at her belly. “Can’t really get any worse.”

“Right,” Cas let out a sigh and turned back to the door, like he was expecting his mom to be standing right there. “What brings you around? I feel like I haven’t seen you outside of school in months.”

“You know,” De coughed. “I just missed you. Hanging out with you... on school nights.”

“Yeah,” Cas nodded grabbing a container of ice breakers off his bedside table. “I’ve missed you too.”

Cas’ only vice was spearmint ice breakers. The night De got pregnant, Cas’ breath had that chill minty taste to it that De knew she could get used to if they spent a little bit more time kissing.

“So, um,” Cas said trying to fill the awkward silence. “You’re looking really pregnant these days.”

“Yeah,” De laughed. “That’s what happens I guess. I brought my sonogram picture up to the adoption couple this afternoon."

“What are they like?” Cas asked tentatively. “You told me a little bit, but I kind of want to know about them.”

“They guy is _really_ great,” De answered. “We actually hung out for a couple hours today; it was cool.”

Cas tilted his head to the side. “Is that... is that normal?”

De shrugged. “Nah probably not. But he let me check out his Chevy while I was over there. God, I miss my dad’s car. It’s almost worth telling him I’m knocked up to get to see that baby again.”

“What about the mom?” Cas asked, pulling De out of her daydream. 

“She’s... she’s nice,” De nodded. “She’s going to be a real awesome mom. I can tell. She brought home all this cool baby supplies today while I was there. She’s perfect.”

“That’s great,” Cas smiled.

“Oh and I got Bobby and Jody to swear not to nark you out,” De continued. “So you don’t have to worry about your mom finding out you did this.”

“Okay, cool,” Cas nodded. De could see that nervous look come across his face again.

“I’ve been looking up pictures of pregnant ladies,” De said. “You know, so that I can get prepared for what’s coming up, and I’m going to look really ridiculous pretty soon. Are you still gonna think I’m cute when I’m the size of Pluto?”

“I’ll always think you’re cute; I think you’re beautiful,” Cas replied. From the look on his face, De could tell he immediately regretted it.

“Geez, Cas,” De shook her head with an awkward laugh. “You can’t say shit like that.”

“It’s true,” Cas shrugged. 

The two stared at each other for a short while, awkward creeping back up over them. De missed how easy it used to be, back before there was a giant elephant in the room and that elephant was her. For all the thought she’d put into the sex with Cas, it was very quickly becoming the worst idea she’d ever had. It had fucked up everything.

“Hey, umm I was thinking,” Cas said tentatively. "Maybe when this is all over we could start hanging out again, maybe get the band back together.”

“It’s really lame that you still call our group of friends ‘the band,’ Cas.”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Cas smirked. 

“True, but it’s still stupid,” De stated. 

“And maybe...maybe you and I could get back together, too?” Cas whispered. 

“Were we _actually_ together?” De asked, wrinkling her brow in confusion as she played with the zipper on her hoodie. 

“Yeah, you know, we were...that one time,” Cas nodded. De expected his eyes to flash down to her belly, but they didn’t. He kept looking right into her eyes in a stare that made her a little bit uncomfortable. 

“What about Meg?” De asked turning away from him. “You could go out with Meg Masters?”

“I don’t like Meg,” Cas shook his head. 

“I totally heard you did.”

“She’s mean,” Cas scoffed. “I’m not going to go out with someone who has literally put someone else’s head in a toilet for revenge.”

“I think you like her,” De teased. "I think you have a thing for bad girls." She didn't emphasize on the fact that she _herself_ was pretty much considered a 'bad girl' by mostly everyone, especially given the current circumstance, but when Cas simply gave a half-hearted attempt at denial, De felt a grin tug on her lips.


	5. Chapter 5

Anna stared carefully at the wall of the now empty nursery, having moved all the baby stuff out the day before so she could prep for painting. She held a paintbrush in her hand, the bottom of Gabriel’s old Dead Kennedys t-shirt she usually wore when painting tucked into the waistband of her shorts. She lifted her hand up and painted a stripe down the wall from one of the two buckets sitting at her feet. Satisfied, she then dabbed the brush on a newspaper she had laid down, cleaning the bristles, and dipped it into the second bucket before smearing a stripe on the wall beside the one she had just painted.

She stepped back to admire her work before nodding and setting the brush down, leaving the room to go find her husband. The telltale signs of rock music and a sputtering engine told her that Gabriel was, once again, hiding out in the garage playing with his car. Sighing, she headed towards the door leading into the garage and opened it, leaning on the doorframe for a minute with her arms crossed as she watched him fiddle with something under the hood.

After a moment, Anna stepped across the threshold and turned the volume down on the stereo, causing Gabriel to straighten up and look back at her with a sucker hanging from his mouth and a slightly annoyed expression on his face, which Anna chose to ignore. She raised her eyebrows slightly.

“Could you come here for a minute, please?” She asked, gesturing back inside the house. “I’m, uh, painting the nursery now and I’d like your input...”  
Gabriel nodded after a moment and removed his gloves, placing them on the bench beside the car and following Anna back into the house, chomping off the last of the sucker and tossing the stick into a nearby bin.

 

“Okay,” She sighed, leading her husband into the nursery and standing beside him in front of the wall, placing one hand on her hip and gesturing with the other one to the two stripes she had painted on there minutes ago. “So we have,” she explained, “custard... and cheesecake.” She pointed to each consecutive color, looking over at Gabriel for feedback.

“They’re yellow.” He replied, crossing his arms.

Anna tilted her head to the side, staring harder at the paint on the wall and feeling suddenly insecure. “Right, well I wanted to get something light colored and more gender neutral until we actually get the baby and then we can just,” she made a sweeping motion with her hand, “paint over it with a more decisive pallet or something.”

Gabriel hummed in thought. “Not really sure that yellow is a gender neutral color, though; I’ve never met a dude who had a yellow bedroom.”

“Well, maybe...” Anna started, only to pause again as she narrowed her eyes at the paint colors. “I’m thinking more custard... just with this light; it looks better. I don’t know. Maybe I should paint a larger splotch or just...” she looked over at Gabriel, who had his head down, obviously bored. “I don’t know...” she finished softly.

“Or we can wait a few more months...” Gabriel offered, looking over at her with raised eyebrows. “Not like baby Milton is gonna come barging in here within the next couple minutes demanding dessert colored walls. As much as I like the idea of dessert walls,” he muttered.

Anna chuckled and bumped her shoulder gingerly against his.

“You know, some of the books I’ve been reading have said that preparing the baby’s room is supposed to be a really important process for the woman,” she explained. “Especially for adoptive mothers; it’s called ‘nesting’.”

“Nesting?” Gabriel inquired.

Anna nodded in response.

“What, you gonna build a crib out of twigs and chewing gum and hair or something?” Gabriel joked. Anna gave a half chuckle and looked down at the floor, rubbing at the back of her neck.

“Well... I mean, you should probably read these books, too...” she offered. “I even marked all the daddy chapters for you.”

Gabriel grunted. “I think it’s too early to paint. That’s my input.”

“Hmm.” Anna replied. “Well I disagree.” She turned around to face the opposite wall, scratching her shoulder as she studied the wall for ideas. “This side’s pretty bare too.” She said finally after Gabriel turned around to look at it too.

An idea suddenly came to her that made Anna smile softly. “We could put our first family photo right up there, you know?” she said, turning to look at her husband, who didn’t respond. “Can you see it?” she asked in a hopeful voice. Gabriel just squinted his eyes without a word.

xxx

Charlie kept telling De that she was getting down, that she wasn’t being her usual, gung-ho self. Jody and Bobby weren’t usually the type that kept De under their thumbs but Bobby had gotten pretty pissed about De going to the Miltons by herself unannounced and for the first time in her life she had a curfew and had to check in when she went anywhere. 

“Come with me to the mall in Topeka,” Charlie whined as the girls laid on De’s bed staring at the glow and the dark stars she’s stuck up there in middle school. De absentmindedly rubbing her belly.

“I don’t really feel like it,” De shrugged.

“Well,” Charlie sighed rolling onto her stomach. “You’re being the single most boring human ever, and if you don’t start doing something, soon, I’m going to leave you to soak in your own prepartum depression by yourself.”

“I don’t think prepartum depression is a thing,” De replied. 

“You’re the poster child of it,” Charlie said. “You’ve been a giant mope for a month and a half, and we’re going to the damn mall because I’m sick of it.”

“I don’t have anything to wear,” De said, something that never in her life though she would ever say. “None of my clothes fit anymore.”

“We can go to the mall and buy you some cute maternity stuff.”

“No,” De rolled her eyes. “Cute and maternity aren’t words that go together. And I can’t exactly go _naked_ to the mall to buy clothes.”

“You’re not currently naked,” Charlie pleaded. “What’s wrong with what you have on?”

“It’s my dad’s football jersey from 1975, and Jody’s yoga pants.” De answered. “I can’t wear this in public.”

“I’m pretty sure you can,” Charlie said rolling off the bed. “And you’re going to, because I love you and I want you to go outside and breathe fresh air and not be a pregnant hermit. I’ll tell Bobby and Jody where you’re going. I want you down stairs in five minutes.”

Charlie bounced out of the room with a lightness that De missed. She felt like a whale and knew she looked like one too. She let out a big sigh and pulled herself up off the bed. She wanted to just roll, but the baby wouldn’t let her. She lumbered down the stairs in her socks, glaring at Charlie as she buttered up Bobby.

“Come on, Momma,” Charlie smiled when she spotted De. “Let’s get your coat and boots on, we’re heading to Topeka!”

“I want you home by eight,” Bobby said in his most authoritative voice.

“Yes sir,” Charlie nodded. “Not a minute later. I swear on my life.”

“Behave,” Bobby said nodding to De. “And have fun, be a kid.”

“Yeah,” De shook her head. “That’s totally going to happen.”

 

The mall wasn’t too crowded, which relieved De quite a bit, less eyes staring at her while they walked around.

“I’m going to get a pretzel,” Charlie announced as they walked toward the food court. “You want a big pretzel?”

“I don’t think I’m supposed to have them,” De shrugged. “Jody has me on a pretty strict diet.”

“No one’s gonna know, grumpy pants,” Charlie smiled. “It’s not like Jody’s gonna breathalyze you. Come on I’ll buy you a buttery garlic pretzel.”

De let Charlie drag her around the mall, one giant pretzel in hand. They wandered around, finding a couple things that Charlie _needed_ from the comic book store. De also stood by while Charlie bought a pair of earrings for Jo, and she rolled her eyes with an amused grin at the gooey expression on Charlie's face as her friend elaborated on how much Jo was gonna love them.

“We should check stuff out at Motherhood,” Charlie suggested after a while. “Get you, like, two shirts, and a bra maybe. It’s your birthday next week, I’ll buy it for you.”

“No,” Dean shook her head. “Absolutely not. I don’t want to go around wearing something that a thirty year old soccer mom wears. And I’m _not_ letting you buy me underwear. There is a friendship line, and buying each other’s undergarments is the line, Charlie.”

“Calm down,” Charlie said smiling. “You can buy your own bra, but, and I’m not trying to be an asshole, Deane, I’m really not, but you need bigger shirts.”

“Maybe we can get some stretchy extra-large ones?” De suggested. “It’s cheaper, and I might be able to wear them again later.”

“Okay, yeah,” Charlie nodded. “I know this isn’t the easiest situation of all time and I don’t want you to have an even worse time than you have to. Don’t gotta be sent to the office for indecent exposure for too much baby bump showing.”

“Okay,” De half smiled. “Yeah alright, gotta suck it up and put on my big girl undies.”

“Yeah,” Charlie grinned. “We can have a little fashion show in the dressing rooms. Like when we were little remember?” 

“Yeah,” De let a whole smile finally cross her face. “Yeah let’s do that.” 

 

The girls shopped for a while, collecting quite a few men’s shirts that stretched over De’s every expanding midsection. 

“I think we did good,” De nodded as they walked toward the elevators. “I don’t really think Jody would approve of my wardrobe, but they’re _my_ clothes right?”

“Absolutely!” Charlie laughed. “Let’s blow, so I can get you back before you turn into a pumpkin.”

“Okay,” De smiled as Charlie pressed the button to call the elevator. De looked over the side of the railing. Below her in the little kid’s play area was Anna, unmistakable with her bright red hair, and a few of her friends. “Hold up, come here.”

“What?” Charlie asked following De’s gaze. 

“That’s her,” De pointed. “The redhead on the side there, talking to the little girl.”

“Her who?” Charlie asked.

“Anna,” De smiled. “The mom.”

“Oh,” Charlie replied, watching the scene before them. “She’s really pretty!”

“You sound shocked,” De laughed. “She looks exactly like the picture in the classifieds.”

“I don’t know, I was expecting her to be all old or something,” Charlie shrugged. “That’s just not how I pictured her.”

De watched as one of the children started to pull on Anna’s sleeve. She stood and let the little girl lead her to the train where Anna chased her around. The little girl was laughing, the smile on Anna’s face unmistakable. De sighed, Anna was going to be a great mom. The best mom. Watching her right there proved it.

“Not to interrupt the spying, but this is really boring,” Charlie said. “And we gotta get you back.”

“Yeah, whatever,” De coughed. “Let’s go. We should stop back at the food court though; the kid wants a cookie and maybe some Sarko Japan.”

“No one believes you when you say your fetus is craving things,” Charlie smirked. “You can just say you want a cookie.”

“Baby does want a cookie,” De replied seriously. “And I want some Sarko Japan.”

Charlie let out a full body laugh as the elevator doors opened, and the women from the play area below, including Anna, stepped out. De stopped short when she saw her, not really sure how to react. 

Anna’s eyes widened when they met De’s.

“Deane?” she said, clearly surprised to find the teenage girl at the mall. 

De smile softly. “Hi, Anna. What brings you to the mall today? More crazy sales on baby stuff?” she turned to her friend. “You should see the baby’s room, Charlie, they have everything you’d ever want for a baby.”

“I’m just shopping with some girlfriends,” Anna said awkwardly looking between the girls.

“Like _girlfriends_?” Charlie asked.

“She’s married,” Dean scoffed. “Ignore her, please.”

“Okay...” Anna placed a clearly forced smile on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“Happy,” De nodded before she could stop herself. “You mean health-wise don’t you?”

Anna let out a short laugh.

“Good, me and the kid are doing real good,” De nodded. “You got the sonograms I sent you right?”

“Yes, thank you so much,” Anna replied.

The baby started kicking De’s ribs, causing De to groan loudly.

“Mosh pit?” Charlie questioned, De nodded. 

“What?” Anna asked.

“It’s kicking,” De answered. “It’s seems to be very excitable these days.”

“Oh... um...” Anna looked around nervously. “Would it...be okay if I felt it?”

“Are you kidding,” De laughed. Anna tried not to look offended. “Of course, you can. Everyone at school is constantly thrusting themselves at my stomach. It’s totally cool.”

“Really?” Anna asked. 

“Yeah, come over here.”

Anna took a step closer to De, not really sure what De would be comfortable with. De grabbed her hands when Anna started to hold them out and placed them over the places she felt the baby kicking.

Anna slid her hands around De’s swollen belly. “I can’t feel anything.” Anna looked at De with a completely defeated look on her face.

“Talk to it,” De suggested. “Babies can hear you. I used to talk to my brother all the time when he was a fetus. He would always kick for me then.”

Anna nodded and knelt down in front of De, leaning in close.

“Hi... hi baby,” Anna looked up at De to make sure it was still okay. De nodded, encouragingly. “It’s me, my name is Anna, and I... I can’t wait to meet you. Can you hear me sweet angel?”

Anna shook her head, looking up at De like she’d given up, when suddenly her face lit up. 

“Oh my God!” Anna laughed. “Was that it?”

“I think that’s an elbow,” De nodded.

“That’s just magical,” Anna said standing back up. “Thank you so much.”

“Any time,” De nodded. “Well, not really; you know what I mean.”

Anna laughed. “I’d better get going, catch up with my friends.”

“Yeah of course,” De replied. “I think I have another sonogram next week, I’ll be mailing you the picture.”

“Thank you,” Anna pulled De into a tight unexpected hug. “Thank you so much.”

xxx

“How was the mall, sweetheart?” Jody called when the screen door slammed behind De. “There’s some dinner in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

“It was fine, you know, loud and mall-like,” De walked over to the fridge, even though she had scarfed down more than her fair share of Japanese and two large cookies before they left the mall, the half hour drive had left her ravenous. “What did you guys… Bobby’s meatloaf, score!” She pulled the plate out place it on the table and walked over to the couch where Jody sat watching some reality show where the winner got to marry an unrealistically attractive guy. “Can you microwave that for me?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jody answered.

De flopped down on the couch next to where Jody had been sitting and flipped through the channels.

“Put that back De,” Jody yelled. “It’s two episodes until the finale.”

De rolled her eyes as the microwave beeped. Jody can back into the kitchen with De’s plate, napkins and silverware.

“Oh, food service,” De smiled pushing herself up into a more suitable position for eating. “If this is how it is I might just stay pregnant forever.”

“If you get pregnant again before you graduate college,” Jody warned. “I will kill you. Bobby knows how to hide a body so no one will ever find it. And I can mess with the paperwork enough to keep you on the bottom of the missing persons pile.”

“Yes ma’am,” De nodded, mouth full of potato. “I was kidding.” 

“I sure as hell hope so.” 

De wasn’t exactly sure what her and Jody’s relationship was, she wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be motherly or like, a favorite aunt or something. She knew that she had to do what Jody told her to do, because Bobby said so, but she wasn’t really sure if she could go to Jody with her concerns or weird questions about her pregnancy. De remembered something about Jody having a first husband and a little boy at one point, but she’s lost them before De met her. She didn’t know if it was a safe subject to bring up, just like no one ever talked about De and Sammy’s mother.

They fell into silence on the sofa, Jody enthralled in the clearly fake love lives of the people on TV and De stuffing her face with the best meatloaf she’d ever eaten.

“How are things going with you?” Jody asked softly, noticing De rubbing her hand over her bump when she stopped shoveling food into her mouth.

De shrugged. “Fine, nothing weird. It’s having a rave in there though, which is really annoying.”

“Yeah,” Jody smiled, but there was sadness behind her eyes. “They don’t really stop the last trimester.”

“And then when they’re born they just lay there and do nothing,” De chuckled. “That’s what Sam did, anyway. He might have just been lazy or something.”

“No,” Jody agreed. “That’s pretty much it for the first month or so.”

“Hopefully Anna and Gabe know what the signed up for,” De said. She wanted to keep the conversation going, but she was running out of topics. “I remember how disappointed I was when Sam first came home. I was expecting a little kid, you know.”

“I’m sure the Miltons have done more than their fair share of homework about what to expect. You were four years old when Sam came home right?”

De nodded.

“Well, they’ve got a little bit more life experience under their belts than you did.”

“True,” De conceded.

They fell back into the silence as the show returned from commercial.

“How can you watch this?” De sighed.

“You can always go upstairs,” Jody chuckled. “I was here first.”

“No, it’s cool,” De shook her head. “But seriously, this show is ridiculous. How are you supposed to fall in love with someone when you live in a house with a bunch of bratty bitches that also want this one guy to love them? Can’t they just find a guy that _isn’t_ screwing around with, literally, all of your roommates? I mean, if this was real life, I’m pretty sure those girls with, like, gang up and murder the cheater. I saw a Dateline special on it once. Women with cheating spouses can be nuts.” 

“You’re right there,” Jody answered. “It’s just mindless television, but it’s addicting. I got invested. One of the operators at the station asked me if I watched it, so I started so we’d have something to talk about at lunch, and I got reeled in. It’s just that guy is so hot. Wait ‘til you see his buns, De. He’s just...” Jody sighed.

“I thought you were into bearded guys with beer bellies and axle grease covered clothes?”

“Bobby’s great,” Jody answered. “But this guy is like that fantasy that’s never going to happen, you know? The dream guy?”

De pouted and shook her head. She didn’t think she had a dream guy.

“There isn’t, like, an actor or musician that you _love_?” Jody laughed. “That famous guy you’d trade your life for if he ever asked, but you know he’s never gonna ask?”

“No,” De shook her head.

“I’d never leave your uncle,” Jody clarified. “But it’s fun to fantasize. Maybe you’re too young to understand.”

“Maybe,” De agreed. 

She thought about this dream guy scenario. All she could see in her mind’s eye was a pair of light blue eyes and dark hair, a voice almost too deep for someone their age. She shook her head, trying to get those thoughts out. That was never going to happen again. 

“Hey, umm, do you...” De started, then licked her lips trying to figure out how to word this without sounding like an idiot. “Do you think that some people are born to be parents?”

“Maybe,” Jody answered, turning toward De. “Why?”

“Don’t yell at me,” De sighed. “But I saw Anna at the mall. I didn’t seek her out or nothing. I actually tried to avoid her, but she just appeared and asked to touch my belly and stuff.”

“Okay?” 

“Well, last time I saw them you yelled at me,” Dean shrugged. 

“Last time you went to their house with no warning,” Jody clarified. “Running into someone in a public place is completely different.”

“Okay, yeah,” De nodded, then continued. “Well, she was there with her friends, and one of them had, like, a four year old. And Anna was running around with her and laughing and stuff. And I don’t really know.”

“She looked like a mom?” Jody asked. 

“I guess,” De shrugged. 

“You felt this twinge in your belly, maybe your heart?” Jody joked. 

De nodded, staring straight ahead at the ads on the television. 

“I think Anna will be a fine mom,” Jody said. “And I think you do too. It’s just that seeing her with the other kid proved it. You made a good choice with the Miltons.”

“Do you think that maybe one day,” De whispered so softly that Jody had to lean closer to hear her. “Maybe one day I can be a good mom?”

“Yes,” Jody said, placing and hand on the back of De’s head and running her fingers through her hair. “You’re already a good mom. You’re doing what’s best for that little sea monkey in there. That’s what a good mom would do.”

“But, like, I don’t remember her,” De mumbled. “I don’t remember what I’m supposed to do.”

“Sweetheart,” Jody pulled De close to her side.

De tried to even out her breathing. She didn’t know where these tears come from but she didn’t like it, they really needed to stop.

“It’s just, when I go to the doctor, and stuff,” De said softly. “There’s all these ladies talking about what they’re mom’s tell them about having a baby and how they’re going to do things like their moms. And I don’t... I don’t remember. What if when I have a real kid, one that I keep and stuff, I like, screw it all up?”

“It’s okay, Deane,” Jody soothed. “You don’t have to hold it in; just let it out.”

De pressed her face into Jody’s shoulder and just cried.

“It’s okay to miss her,” Jody whispered into her hair. “I know that everyone around here has made your mom a topic that doesn’t get discussed, but if you brought her up, I’m sure Bobby would talk to you about her. I didn’t really know her, but that shouldn’t stop you from asking.”

“No one here knew her,” De sobbed. “I mean, Bobby kinda did, but he just worked with my dad, he didn’t, like, _know_ us before the fire.”

“Times like this,” Jody pulled away and placed a hand on either side of De’s face, using her thumbs to wipe her tears. “A little girl needs her mom, and I’m sorry that you don’t have her. I know I’m a poor replacement, but I’ll try, De. If you let me in, I’ll try.”

“You won’t like me if you got to know me,” De insisted. “Nobody does.”

“That’s not true,” Jody laughed softly.

De nodded. “Yes, they do. Everyone leaves. My dad, we lived with him for six months when I was ten and he sent me back because he hates me.”

“That’s not true,” Jody said.

“Yes, it is,” De argued. “I had to beg to get Sam back. I made Bobby tell him that either my dad send Sam back here, or I was going back to live with him. So he sent Sam back here, because he couldn’t deal with me. Because he hates me.”

“No,” Jody said seriously. “That’s not what happened.”

“You weren’t even there,” De shook her head. “You don’t know.”

“Yes, Deane,” Jody replied, staring right into De’s eyes. “I was there, I was dating Bobby, I was living here when that happened. It had nothing to do with your dad. He’d still have you up there if he could.”

“No,” De fought because she was right about this. “He doesn’t want me up there. He has a new life with a new wife and replacement kid that’s probably a thousand times better than I ever was and he doesn’t even care about me anymore.”

“Yes he does,” Jody soothed.”

“No! He doesn’t _want_ me,” De said. “I’m not _wantable_.”

“Yes you are,” Jody told her. “Sam needs you, and Bobby wants you here. I sort of like you most of the time.”

De half chuckled and sniffed. “Thanks.”

“Seriously though, De,” Jody said, making De look at her. “We love you. You’re not unwanted. And someday when you’re ready, when you’re old enough, you’ll be a wonderful mom. You know how I know that?”

De shook her head. 

“Because you know what it’s like to not have one,” Jody replied. “So you’re going to let little Deane the happiest little kid in the world, because it has a mother that would do anything for them. You’ll probably be one of those overprotective ones that makes their kids wear helmets on the playground.”

“No way,” De laughed. “I don’t need a little dork child. I got Sammy, that’s good enough.”

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Jody promise. “We’ll get through these next few months, and everything might not go back to normal, but we’ll do everything we can to right the ship, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” De nodded. “Thanks, Jody.”

“Anytime sweetheart,” Jody smiled. “Don’t be afraid to come to me. I’m always here.” 

“I will, just don’t tell anyone I cried,” De said seriously.

“I won’t let anyone know you’re human,” Jody smirked.


	6. Chapter 6

**Spring**

 

By the time the snow started to melt for good, De’s belly had almost doubled in size, which meant that, despite her insistent protesting, Jody pulled out the sewing machine and began to sew elastic bands onto the front of De’s jeans.

“You are not going to wear sweatpants every single day, Deane Winchester. Your uncle and I didn’t raise a bum,” she said cheerily as she sewed away, successfully destroying De’s pants...and ego.

“Oh come on, Jody, if you had a friggin’ ten pound pumpkin attached to your stomach you’d wanna wear sweats all the time too!” De protested, arms crossed in a pout.

She heard Sam snicker from the living room and reminded herself to pound on him later for it.

“Please, your baby isn’t anywhere near ten pounds don’t be dramatic.” Jody replied, continuing her work.

“I kind of hate you right now,” De sighed.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jody turned to her and smiled as her sewing machine continued whirring.

xxx

The atmosphere towards her at school had changed drastically too, De noticed. When she walked down the hallway, students seemed to give her a wide berth, parting before her like water over a rock as she passed by. She found it slightly creepy, but at the same time relieving, considering she didn’t have to worry about trying to shove her large, pregnant body through a mass of writhing, smelly teenagers just to get to class.

The looks, though, were another thing. She managed to convince herself that she was used to it by now, but all the same, De still felt her cheeks flush slightly when she saw the curious, sympathetic, and even disgusted looks on students’ faces when they saw her. Sighing, she made her way over to one of the school payphones, slipping her quarter in and dialing the Milton’s home number.

“Hellooo?” Gabriel answered after a few rings.

“Hey, Gabe.” De said, grinning widely.

“Oh hey, Deane, what’s going on?” He replied enthusiastically.

“Ahh nothin’ much, still at school, which sucks. But I was thinking about your car last night and I just might have a solution to your problem.” She said smugly, twirling the phone cord around her finger.

“Really, now? All right then, Miss Mechanic, spill.”

“Well, have you tried getting new spark plugs for it? It’s a pretty simple problem and solution, but a lot of people tend to overlook it, and that might be your issue.”

“Huh.” Gabriel said in a slightly skeptical voice.

“ _Huh_ what? You know I’m right.” De shot back, biting her lip.

“Oh, really? Because that seems like a _pretty_ simple solution for a car that I haven’t been able to get up and running in years.”

“Well, have you checked the spark plugs or did you think that was too remedial a task for your great big brain?” De replied.

“Pfft shut up and get to class.” Gabe said in a joking tone.

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” she retorted. “Stop surfing porn and get back to work.”

Gabriel laughed softly in reply.

“Was just calling to say hi,” De continued.

“All right,” he said. “Now go learn shit.”

 

De had almost considered eating lunch in the bathrooms a few times over the past few months. As much as she hated being stared at in class and in the hallways, it was exponentially worse in the cafeteria, she had discovered. On top of the lunch lady giving her the most judgmental stare of all stares whenever De went to pay for the mountain of food she had piled on her tray, it seemed that the snickering and the avoidance increased tenfold as well when De sat down at a table with Charlie and Jo, only to have the students who had been sitting on the other side pick up their trays and move two tables away.

“Jesus Christ, you’d think I had an infectious zombie disease or something, what with the way people run when they see me.” De said loud enough to where the retreating students could no doubt hear her.

“Ahh don’t take it too hard.” Jo said with a half-smile. “It’ll be over and done with soon.”

“Yeah speaking of which,” Charlie piped in, reaching over to steal a French fry off Jo’s plate. “You’re getting pretty big now. How much longer do you have until go-time?”

De took a bite of salad, scrunching her nose up in disgust at the rabbit food she was being forced to ingest.

“We’re honing in on eight months, roughly.” De replied. “You should see how weird I look naked.”

“Thanks for the image.” Charlie said sarcastically, biting into her pizza. “Although, your tits are looking pretty ripe. I wish mine would get bigger.” she continued, elbowing Jo suggestively.

De rolled her eyes. “Can you guys not?” she said. “And trust me, no you don’t. I actually have to wear bras now, which totally sucks. _And_ I have to rub all this nasty moisturizing cocoa butter shit on myself so my skin doesn’t, like, explode or something.”

“That’s hot.” Charlie deadpanned.

“Dude,” Jo said, changing the subject. “Did you hear that Cas is going to prom with Meg Masters?”

De looked up from her food, forcing out a laugh. “ _Meg_? No way, Cas doesn’t even like her. Must be a pity date or something.”

“Actually I heard he asked her.” Charlie piped in. “And that they’re going to Marisco’s, and then prom, and then Benny Lafitte’s parents' lake house.”

De took a sip of her juice. “No, what the hell are you talking about? Cas told me he didn’t even _like_ Meg. He said he didn’t wanna go out with her because she’s mean or something.”

“Oh my god she totally is, though,” Jo responded. “Remember when she shoved Anton Crowley's head into a toilet because he called her a whore? I mean, I personally thought he deserved it, but it was still, like, total freak out of the century.”

"Well Cas must've thought it was pretty hot," Charlie joked.

“Please,” De scoffed. “I highly doubt _Cas_ and _Meg_ are going to have sex. They probably won’t even hold hands, I mean, he’s so shy around girls it’s almost sad.”  
Charlie hummed skeptically. “Well I dunno, I mean, you guys did it.”

“Yeah ‘cause he trusts me; we’re like, best friends and stuff.” De said, shoving a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

“Wait, are you jealous, Deane?” Charlie asked with a mischievous smirk. “I thought you said you didn’t care what he did?”

“Listen, I am _not_ jealous,” De scoffed. “Deane Winchester doesn’t get jealous. And I don’t care what he does. I just know for a fact he doesn’t like Meg. That’s all.”  
Charlie nodded, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“You know, prom is for douchewads anyways, it’s not even cool anymore.” De defended.

xxx

She was not angry, she thought as she made her way down the hallway, eventually spotting Castiel standing by his locker getting books and throwing back spearmint ice breakers like a pill addict. She’s not angry. She just wanted to clarify this new information she’s received. That’s all. As soon as he turned and saw her, though, giving a casual grin, she realized that she quite possibly _might_ be a little bit angry.

“Cas, are you _seriously_ going to prom with Meg Masters?” she asked, dropping her book bag on the floor beside her feet.

“Um, hi to you too...” Cas said, furrowing his brow.

“I was just at lunch with Jo and Charlie, and they were saying that you were gonna go with her...” De continued.

Cas nodded. “Yeah... I did ask her if she wanted to go. A bunch of us from the team are going to Marisco’s, and then we’re going to the prom, and then to Benny’s parents’ lake house.” He scratched at the side of his head awkwardly. “We were... uh... getting a stretched limo.”

De’s eyes widened in mock-excitement. “Wow, Cas. I bet your mom is stoked that you’re not taking me. Now her son can have the picture-perfect little prom she always dreamed of.”

Castiel stared at her in silence for a moment. “You’re mad. Why are you mad?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. De let out a forced laugh, shaking her head.

“What? I’m not mad. I’m fine; great actually!” she replied, gesticulating in a nearly manic fashion. “I mean, you know, despite the fact that I’m in a permanent fat suit, and despite the fact that I know basically everyone is talking shit about me behind my back, and despite the fact that your little girlfriend stole my friggin’ pen in history class yesterday, yeah, Cas, I am just peachy.”

“Meg’s not my girlfriend,” Cas said, rolling his eyes. “And I honestly doubt she stole your pen. I mean, you’re always losing your pens. You lose, like, at least five pens a day.”

“Well whatever,” De shook her head. “Go ahead and take Miss Biker Jacket to prom; I can think of like a million more awesome things to do that night. Like I might rub some nasty smelling anti-inflammatory cream on my feet, or I could tag along with Jody to one of her soccer mom baking club meetings, you know, or maybe get run over by a garbage truck full of cat shit. Because all of those things would be so _unbelievably_ cooler than going to prom with you.”

Cas stared down at his feet, chewing on his bottom lip. “You’re being really immature.” He muttered. De scoffed in response as he continued. “You don’t have any reason to be mad at me; I mean, you broke _my_ heart. I should be super pissed at you, you know? I should be, like, completely mad; I shouldn’t want to talk to you ever again.”

“What,” De smirked bitterly. “Because I got bored and fucked you? And, like, didn’t wanna marry you afterwards?”

“Oh yeah, like I’d ever marry you; you would be the meanest wife ever.” Cas shot back. “Besides, I know you weren’t bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and _Star Trek: Wrath of Kahn_ was coming on, and you were like ‘wow I haven’t seen this in years; we should watch it, but oh wait never mind we should just make out and have sex instead tralala’...”

De rolled her eyes. “Okay, Cas, fine. You go ahead and take Hell’s Angel Meggy to prom. I’m sure you two will have a real bitchin’ time.”

Cas scratched at the back of his head, feeling spiteful. “Well...I still have your underwear. Which, by the way, having Batman briefs when you are anything but an eight year old boy is super juvenile.”

“Ha, that’s cute, coming from the guy whose innocent little virginity I stole.” De replied.

“God, would you just _stop_?” Cas huffed, glancing around for a brief second.

“Oh, what, you embarrassed, Cas? Ashamed that you were the one who had sex with the freak and knocked her up?”

“No, of course not, I...”

“Yeah whatever at least you can hide all you want and pretend it never happened. You don’t have the evidence sticking out from underneath your t-shirt every single day.” She snapped, voice shaking with emotion that she was trying her best to keep under control when all she wanted to do was scream and cry and punch him in the mouth.  
Cas looked down at his shoes again, not saying anything.

“I’m a fucking _whale_.” De continued, biting her lip to force herself to keep from crying. She shook her head, realizing she’d had enough of this conversation and leaned over to pick up her book bag.

“No, wait, let me get that, you don’t need to be lifting things...” Cas started to reach forward to help her.

“Oh what do you care, it’s just another ten pounds.” De snarled, shouldering her bag and shoving her way past him. “See you around, Cas.” she muttered before continuing on down the hallway. 

Cas turned back to his locker, closing it slowly and resting his forehead against the cool metal with a heavy sigh.

xxx

De didn’t know where she was driving when she climbed into the junker after the fight with Cas, she just pointed her car and drove. When she stopped in front of the Milton’s house, she figured it was as good a place as any and dropped the car into park before waddling over to the front door.   
Gabriel smiled at her when he opened the door.

“Wow, that shirt’s working extra hard,” he joked.

“You have no idea,” De shook her head. “Any luck with the car yet?”

“Haven’t really had the time,” Gabriel replied, stepping aside to let her into the house. 

“Is Anna here?” De asked stepping across the threshold.

“Nope,” Gabriel shook his head, clicking his tongue. “We’re safe. For a couple hours anyway.”

“ _Awesome_ ,” De smiled. 

“Do you like comics?” Gabriel asked as De followed him into the house. 

“Do I look like a nerd?” De chuckled. 

Gabriel looked back at her over his shoulder and smiled. The very stretched out Wonder Woman t-shirt gave her away. 

“I’m really not...” De sighed. Her brother was the nerd; De was a cool kid, in her own mind anyway. “Why?”

“Follow me.”

De followed Gabriel down into the basement, where there was a large stereo setup with bookshelves full of CD’s on one wall and books on the other.

“Is this the baby’s room?” De asked in awe, smirk on her face.

“No,” Gabriel chuckled. “This is where we used to have parties, back when we first moved in right after we got married. I keep my old comic books down here now.”

“So _you’re_ one of those giant dorks,” De smiled. 

In the back of her mind she wondered if it was weird, how easy her friendship with Gabriel was. Jody didn’t approve, Bobby would probably be pissed if he knew she was here again, but she liked it. There was something that made De feel like she was _wanted_ here. 

“I think there’s some Batman in the corner,” Gabriel said. “Feel free to check it out.”

De did as much climbing as her physical state allowed while Gabriel played with the stereo, finding a classic rock station and letting the sound fill the room.

“This is really freakin’ awesome, Gabe,” De called flipping through the boxes' contents. “I used to have a couple of these when I was a kid. Read them to my brother when he was a baby.”

“His first word must have been ‘Ka-Pow,’” Gabriel joked. 

“No,” De dismissed, shaking her head. “It was ‘De.’ Then ‘up.’ My dad was kind of pissed, but if my dad was around more... well, yeah.”

“You and your brother are close?” It was phrased like a question, but it really wasn’t, just a statement of facts.

“Yeah,” De nodded. “Basically raised him. He’s a good kid. Good head on his shoulders. Thankfully, nothing like his big sister.” De sighed. “If he’s _anything_ like me when he’s seventeen I don’t know what I’m gonna do, probably lock him in the tornado panic room my uncle built in the basement ‘til he’s thirty.”

“You’re a good, kid,” Gabriel told her. “He if does turn out like you, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I’m eight months pregnant,” De chuckled. “Sam’s not allowed to make anyone eight months pregnant until he’s forty... at the _earliest_.”

“He’ll figure it out,” Gabriel replied. “If he looks up to you, he’ll know when to _not_ do what you do.”

“He’s already changing himself,” De confessed. “He’s became a magician a few months ago, just to get this girl to like him.”

“Did it work?” Gabriel chuckled. 

“They’re twelve,” De laughed. “Of course it worked, for like a week and half. Now he’s trying to learn to skateboard. It never ends.”

De sat down on the recliner in the corner by the Batman comics, while Gabriel took a seat across the room by the stereo. 

De flipped through a couple of issues, mind slipping back to her, no more than five, with Sammy on her lap telling him what was happening on each page. She doubted Sam understood, but he seemed to like the pictures, and since De couldn’t really read at the time either, that was all that mattered. She could feel Gabriel’s eyes on her, so she slowly looked up, making eye contact with the man across the room and smiled.

“What?”

“You have your whole life ahead of you,” he said softly.

The song changed to a cheesy ballad by REO Speedwagon about lovers running around on each other, which De couldn’t help but chuckle at.

“We danced to this at my senior prom,” Gabriel grinned.

“This is a _horrible_ song to dance to at prom,” De laughed.

“Yeah, well, the eighties were weird,” Gabriel replied.

“Remember who you danced with?” De asked.

“Kali Mahadeo,” Gabriel leaned back as he remembered. “A Goddess if I ever saw one. That woman was a fire cracker.”

“Seriously?” De scoffed. 

“Hells yeah,” Gabriel continued. “Thought that was going to be the best night of my life; was at the time. You’re not going to your prom?”

De rolled her eyes and pointed at her straining shirt. “No.”

“There’s always next year,” Gabriel said. “Hopefully, you won’t be pregnant for senior prom.”

“I’ll kill myself if I get pregnant again,” De said, half serious. “But I probably won’t go next year either. I mean, only dorks and losers go to dances.”

“What are you then?” Gabriel asked seriously.

“I don’t know,” De sighed as the second verse started, she began to sing horribly off key while playing air guitar. “ _You’re thinking up you’re white lies, you’re putting on your bedroom eyes. Your say you're coming home but you won’t say when_.”

“Yeah,” Gabriel shook his head. “You’re not a dork at all.”

“Shut up,” De rolled her eyes.

Gabriel took in a deep breath and locked eyes with her.

“I’m leaving Anna.”

De stared at him in shocked horror for a minute before she managed to get any words out. 

“Shut up,” She dropped the comic in her lap onto the floor as she stood up as quickly as she could manage. “Shut the fuck up.”

This couldn’t be true. Her baby was supposed to be raised by a perfect family. A mom who loved it and took care of it and read it bedtime stories and a dad that taught it how to fix cars and snuck it candy before dinner even though its mom said no. Gabriel was supposed to teach her baby how to ride a bike and Anna was supposed to teach it to write and share and this baby was supposed to have everything that she never had. This baby was supposed to grow up with two parents that loved it, and now, roughly a month before go time, those dreams were laying broken all around. 

“You,” she shook her head, and not crying, she definitely wasn’t crying. “You, shut the fuck up. Don’t do this to me.”

“I got it all worked out,” Gabriel explained walked over to De, trying to grab her shoulders to ground her. “I’ve got a place lined up in the city, right downtown. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”

“No,” De shook her head. “No. You can’t do this to me. What about this?” She grabbed his wrist and placed it against her stomach, hoping her baby would know that now was a good time to kick, but Gabriel pulled away too quickly.

“Deane,” Gabriel soothed the best he could.

“No,” she yelled. “A big steaming pile of fuck this. You, you’re supposed to be the parents of my baby. You’re supposed to take care of it.”

“I thought you’d be cool with this,” Gabriel shook his head confused.

“I picked you guys,” De growled. “I want you guys to raise this child. It’s supposed to be _perfect_ , not shitty and broken and fucked up like everyone else’s life, like my life. Just listen, this baby is going to come, and Anna’s going to be so happy. And you’ll be happy and everything will be great, you’ll see.”

“Babies don’t fix things, De,” Gabriel said softly. “I don’t think I’m ready to be a dad anyway.”

“But you’re old!”

“That’s how you see me?” Gabriel stared into her eyes. “Why are you here, Deane?”

“I don’t know,” De wiped her face with the back of her hand, because she was _not_ crying, not about this, not in front of him. “I like seeing what an apple pie life looks like. I like being a fly on the wall. I like being your friend.”

Gabriel pointed to the stuff around them. “This is what my life is now. All my stuff in boxes hidden away and a car that I never get to drive. What’s so appealing about that?”

“Is this my fault?” De reasoned. Everything else in her shitty life was her fault. He dad had told her as much before he sent her back to Bobby’s when she was ten. “Is Anna mad at you because of me? Did I screw this up?”

“No,” Gabriel said. “No, De, we’re just not in love anymore.”

“But you loved her when you got married right?” De said, grasping at anything she could. “If you love someone that much, you can love them again. My friend Charlie has broken up with her girlfriend, like, four times, and they always get back together because they love each other. You can fix it. You’re not trying.”  
Something in Gabriel’s eyes changed as she spoke. He turned away from her and started to pace, eventually stopping and kicking the wall hard enough to make De jump.

“Please don’t get a divorce,” De pleaded. “Please, you can give the baby a stupid common name if you don’t leave her. That can be my compensation.”

“It’s not that easy, De,” Gabriel sighed. “God, you’re so young.”

“I’m seventeen,” De replied, finding it in her to stand up straight like Bobby always told her to. “I know a lot. I can tell when people are being total assholes.”

She ran up the stairs, moving around Gabriel when he tried to grab her.

“Oh and by the way,” De spat. “Any moron could have figured out that when a car doesn’t start, to change the spark plugs; you clearly love that car as much as you love Anna.”  
She flew up the stairs as fast as she could, which wasn’t very fast, but she figured she was making her point all the same; at the top of the stairs she booked it, waddling in full on penguin mode to the front door, wiping her stupid tears away. She kept going until she ran head on into Anna, just coming home from work.

“What’s wrong,” Anna dropped the bags she was carrying onto the floor and pulled the crying teenager close to her. De surprised herself by letting her.

“What did you do?” Anna’s tone changed from sweet to angry, telling De that Gabriel had followed her upstairs. “Why is she crying?”

“I’m not crying I’m allergic to fine home furnishings,” De said, muffled by Anna’s jacket.

“She’s just hormonal,” Gabriel said, the tone of his voice giving away the lie. “It’s just part of the process, you read about that, right? In those parenting books.”  
De pressed her nose farther into Anna’s shoulder as she shook her head.

“What did you do Gabriel?” Anna demanded. “If you ruined this for us...”

“I didn’t _do_ anything,” Gabriel replied. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?” Anna let go of De so she stepped back, leaning against the wall. Anna’s face was filled with scary rage.

“If we’re ready,” Gabriel said softly. 

“Of course we’re ready,” Anna said, looking back and forth between De and her husband as if she did it enough times the situation would change. “We’ve read the books, painted the nursery, we’ve taken parenting classes.”

“We might be prepared,” Gabriel said solemnly. “But we’re... I’m not ready.”

De felt those stupid hot tears beginning to fall again.

“Don’t worry, Deane,” Anna comforted. “He just has cold feet. All the books say the same thing, a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant a man becomes a dad when he sees his child. He’ll get there. I promise.”

De shook her head. “No he won’t. This is supposed to be _perfect_.”

“Why don’t we let De go home and we’ll talk this out,” Anna said sweetly. “We’ll call you in the morning, okay, tell you how it all worked out.”

“It just happened so fast,” Gabriel said as if he hadn’t heard Anna at all. “We put that ad in the paper, and two weeks later there’s a teenager in our living room offering up her kid. I thought it would take months.”

“It was meant to be,” Anna pushed. “We were meant to have this baby.”

“Ever since that day,” Gabriel continued. “It’s just been a ticking clock.”

Anna stared at her husband for what felt like hours.

“What are you saying?”

“It doesn’t feel like the right time,” Gabriel confessed.

“When would be a good time for you, Gabriel?” Anna shook her head. De could see the tears started to form at the edges of Anna’s eyes. More than anything she wanted to wipe them away, but part of her figured that the couple had forgot she was still standing pressed up against the wall.

“I don’t know,” Gabriel shrugged. “There’s still things I want to do.”

“You want to go on your cross country road trip?” Anna laughed. “Live out your fantasy.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Gabriel defended. “You wanted that once, too.” 

“I can’t sit around waiting for you to become Jack Kerouac,” Anna said after a long pause. “If I have to sit and wait for you to do all your high school dreams I’m never going to be a mother. Grow up, Gabriel; you’re over thirty. When are you going to realize we aren’t sixteen anymore?"

“You might be a great mother, Anna,” Gabriel said, sounding completely defeated. “But I never said I’d be a good father.”

That was all De needed to hear; she turned and made her way out the front door, back to Bobby’s car. She started to drive back to the house, but the further she got the closer she felt like she was about to have a complete mental breakdown.

 

Eventually she gave in and pulled the car off the highway and onto the shoulder, trying to control her breathing as memories of the events that had just transpired echoed through her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the sobs threatening to pour from her mouth, before everything, from her stupid father and his new lame family, to the fight with Cas, to the knowledge that her unborn child would now be raised in a broken home, suddenly became too much, and she snapped, screaming into the silence of the cab.

She brought her hand smashing down on the steering wheel, choked sobs escaping from her throat. It was her fault. Everything was. Didn't matter what Jody or Anna or Charlie or anyone said.

If De hadn't been so fucking determined to force herself into Gabriel's personal life and consequently forcing his marriage apart, if she didn't have this pathetic, destructive need to feel accepted and wanted, if she hadn't freaked out on Cas like some jealous paranoid girlfriend, hell, if she had swallowed her feelings in the first place and just fucking watched _Star Trek_ with Cas instead of humping him into that stupid ugly armchair, none of this would have happened.

Her tired body quaked with sobs as she pressed her hands into her face, trying to regain some level of self-control. But the knowledge and weight of all the shit she had caused over the past eight months was too much for her to deal with anymore.

It wasn't until she felt a shift in her abdomen that De finally ceased her hysterical crying and stared down at her rounded belly. The tiny body moved inside of her again, causing her to gasp as she felt a little foot kick up against her ribs.

And suddenly she was laughing soft, wet chuckles. Leave it to the friggin' fetus growing inside her to be the one who finally kicked some sense into her...literally. She laughed again, an exhausted, hoarse sound, and sighed, rubbing a hand over her abdomen.

"Thanks, kiddo," she whispered, before turning the key in the ignition and letting out a final shaky breath as she pulled back onto the highway.

xxx

De drove to a convenient store, all the crying had given her a craving for some cheesy nachos and an extra-large blue raspberry slush. She lay on the hood of the car; nacho’s balanced between her boobs. The only good thing about being this big was she had herself a nice little food shelf, it came in pretty handy sometimes. She contemplated what she should do now. Anna had to have had the same apple pie fantasy that she’d imagined. A sort of cute pink squirmy baby with a mom and dad living in suburbia with well-manicured lawns. This baby deserved to have parents that love it. It didn’t ask to be born into a shitty life, but the more De thought about it, the more De realized that with Anna, it wouldn’t be shitty. She’d grown up with one person keeping her grounded, one parental figure, whom she wasn’t even related to, she’d done just fine. She was fairly well-adjusted. She didn’t make the best decisions, but she could be a lot worse off. 

This baby would be best off with just Anna, she contemplated the best way to let Anna know this as she shoved the last of the wonderful fake cheese and stale tortilla ship into her mouth. As long as the little dude has _someone_ that wanted it, it would be safe, loved. De had another huge decision to make, the second big life altering decision in the last year. Could she trust Anna to give this child the life it deserved?

The answer to that, of course, was yes. 

As quickly as she could, she maneuvered herself off the hood of the car and back into the driver’s seat. She searched the glove box for an old receipt and something to write with, finding a blue sharpie on the floor. She hastily scribbled a message to Anna, a vow that, hopefully, Anna would take along with her. She folded it up like a note she’d be passing to Charlie or Jo in the hallway at school, then shoved the key back into the ignition and turned the car around, back toward Miltons.

xxx

To call the mood that hung over the Milton house sour, would be sugar coating it. Anna sat at the kitchen table, a large glass of red wine her hand; her dreams crumbled on the floor around her, a room full of baby stuff she’d bought on sale and therefore couldn’t return. 

Gabriel came softly down the stairs and stopped in the doorway. 

“I called Naomi,” he said softly. “She said she can represent both of us, collaborative divorce. They’re apparently all the rage these days. It should be fairly simple since we don’t have children.”

“Alright,” Anna whispered shaking her head. Those words stung worse than anything he’d done so far. They were so close to having a baby, so close to having everything. “Thanks for making the call I guess.”

Gabriel crossed the room and sat down across from her. “You’re welcome,” he mumbled.

“So this is really happening?” Anna shook her head. “It’s over.”

“Yeah,” Gabriel nodded. His hand hovered over Anna’s before pulling it away. 

“You have a place to stay?” Anna asked, half out of concern for a man she had loved so much, half because she couldn’t stand to look at him anymore.

“Yeah, a place in the city,” Gabriel replied.

“A motel?” Anna asked curiously.

“A loft,” Gabriel answered.

“Well,” Anna said coldly spinning the wine in her class. “Aren’t you just mister cool?”

They both fell silent, unsure what came next, until Anna just let go and started to sob into her hands.

“I just wanted a baby so badly.”

Gabriel wasn’t sure how to comfort her, so he just replied softly, “I know you did.”

A loud knock on the front door pulled them both out of the awkward moment at the table, they both jumped up to see who it was.

Gabriel reached the door first, opening it to see nothing but De waddling way. He couldn't help but think she was possibly the worst ding, dong, ditch player in the universe. Anna poked her head around him and looked around, finding a folded piece of paper on the stoop. She picked it up and unfolded it quickly.

“Looks like a receipt from an auto salvage place,” Gabriel scoffed. “Why on God’s green Earth would De leave an auto salvage receipt on the front step?”

“It’s a note,” Anna said, voice unable to hide the annoyance. “It’s for me.”


	7. Chapter 7

When De got home from school a few days after everything hit that proverbial fan and left everything she believed in pieces around her, she found Bobby sitting at the kitchen table cleaning guns ominously.

“What did Sam do?” De joked. 

“I ran into the Novak boy while I was grocery shopping earlier,” Bobby smiled. "Cleaning the guns eases the need to kick that little idjit in the balls.”

“Oh,” De sighed. “Well, thank you for not doing that. I’m sure Cas appreciates it.”

“I didn’t do it for him,” Bobby grumbled. “I think Jody would get a little bit too much excitement out of arresting me.”

“Umm, okay.” De chuckled. “Where’s Sammy?”

“He’s downtown,” Bobby answered, chuckling. “Showing off his skateboard skills to that blonde girl down the street. It’s kind of cute the way he’s so sweet on her.” 

“He shouldn’t have to change the way he is to get her to like him,” De sighed. “It’s annoying. And I’ve almost killed myself stepping on his skateboard, like, forty-five times this week. He should just be himself, or at least someone with a less dangerous hobby until I eject this thing," she said gesturing to her abdomen.

“What’s turned you in a philosopher all of a sudden?”

“Just dealing with things way outside my maturity level,” De answered rolling her eyes as she sat down across from her uncle. “I think I’m losing my faith in all of humanity.”

“Oh, that’s all,” Bobby smiled, as he put his rifle back together and laid it on the floor. “Want to narrow that down so I can help you out?”

“I guess...” De shook her head as she tried to find the right words. “I’m just, like, I was wondering if people ever stay together for good.”

“Like couples?” Bobby asked. 

De nodded. “Yeah, like does love last forever like it does in eighties sitcoms?”

“Are you having boy trouble?” Bobby asked skeptically. “I don’t really approve of you dating in your condition. It’s kind of messed up.”

“No, Uncle Bobby,” De backtracked quickly. 

“That’s sorta slutty?” Bobby said, presenting it like a question. “That’s the term now, right? Slutty or skanky?”

“Please stop,” De shook her head. “I’m one hundred percent _not_ talking about me. I’m not dating anyone. Not that anyone even looks at me without thinking I’m some kind of street walker open for business. I just want to know if there are people that are meant to be together forever, or if the Bradys are just a pipe dream.”

“If you remember, the Bradys were both on their second marriages,” Bobby said. 

“That wasn’t the point I was trying to make at all,” De said seriously. “I think I just watched my point fly over your head and land in the living room somewhere. Might have slid under your desk. I’d go get it, but I really shouldn’t be rolling around on the floor right now.”

“I understood just fine, smart-ass,” Bobby said shaking his head. “Making a relationship work is hard. Jody and I have been together for almost eight years, we’ve only been married for three of them, but we’re happy. We’ve had rough patches, but we’re very happy.”

“Yeah, but like,” De sighed uncertain what she was going to say. 

“Your Daddy’s been together with Kate now since, what, nearly ten years,” Bobby continued. “Your mom and daddy met when they were in high school, that worked out real good until...” he trailed off as De started to shake her head.

“When I think back really hard, and try to remember my mom,” De said. “I remember sitting at the kitchen table eating a PB and J while she argued with Dad on the phone because he’d moved out, trying to get him to come home. It wasn’t sunshine and rainbows like you and Dad have always tried to make it out to be.”

“They woulda worked it out,” Bobby said honestly. “I knew your folks for a long time, those kids always found a way to work it out.”

“Yeah, okay,” De nodded. “But does something always get in the way of forever?”

“Not always,” Bobby answered. “But I ain’t sayin that the road to happiness is a smooth newly paved piece of asphalt. Lots of times there’s bumpy, pothole filled, dirt detours that takes you way off the main drag and you run outta gas twenty miles from the nearest fill in station and you don’t think you’re gonna make it but ya do.”

“Thank you for the lengthy road metaphor,” De chuckled. “It was extremely necessary.”

“The way I look at it, kiddo,” Bobby smiled. “You gotta go out and find someone who will love ya for what you are. They don’t care that you look like a sea monster when you wake up, and don’t care what kind of mood you’re in but know when to step away and give you some air even though they don’t want to. If you find the right person, they’ll think that rainbows come out your ass, and if it’s really meant to be, you’ll be able to see the rainbows comin’ out of theirs too.”

“Huh,” De leaned back in her chair. She thought about how it was when she was with Cas, how his eyes lit up when he saw her, and how her heart pounded just a little bit faster when his hand would slide over hers during a biology lab. He always called her pretty, said he thought she was beautiful, and she could tell that he wasn’t just being an asshole, he meant it. 

“What?” Bobby asked. “I can hear those gears straining as you think over there.”

“Shut up, old man,” De rolled her eyes. “It’s just, I think... I think I might have found that guy.”

“Damn right,” Bobby smiled gesturing to himself. “Uncle Bobby. I’m always gonna be there, no matter how deep the shit you step in is.” He nodded toward the ever growing bump attached to her.

“Yes,” De replied. “It’s you, I’ve been planning our wedding since I was seven. I’m just waiting for the right time to tell Jody.”

“I thought so,” Bobby smirked.

“I gotta do something,” De said, pushing herself up out of the chair, this last month and a half was going to kill her. “Can I take one of the cars? I’ll be back before ten, I swear.”

“Go ahead,” Bobby answered. “Be careful.”

“I’m always careful, Uncle Bobby.”

De walked over and pressed a kiss into Bobby’s check before grabbing a set of keys off the hooks by the front door.

“My gun’s clean,” Bobby called after her. “I’m not afraid to shoot a teenager if I have to.”

xxx

“I need your help,” De said as soon as Charlie answered the door. “And, possibly a little of your money as well.”

Charlie smirked, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe. “Oh, this sounds ominous,” she said jokingly. De huffed and grabbed her friend’s arm, tugging her towards the car, barely giving Charlie time to close the front door behind her.

“Seriously, though, what’s going on?” Charlie demanded as soon as they were sat in the car. De turned the key in the ignition.

“How many containers of spearmint ice breaker mints do you think it would take to fill an entire mailbox?” De asked, pulling onto the street.

“Uhh probably like, five gas stations worth of stock on them?” Charlie laughed.

“Awesome,” De replied. “And doable. We need chalk as well. There’s something I gotta take care of.”

 

The next morning, Castiel woke as usual, pulled on sweatpants and his running shoes, microwaved a breakfast hot pocket, and afterwards brushed his teeth. He sighed as he walked towards the door, stretching his legs and arms as he went, completely determined to run until his thoughts stopped.

He stepped out of his house, pausing to look down as he noticed something bright green on the concrete next to the welcome mat. He tilted his head to the side as he read, in what was obviously De’s handwriting, the words Cas check the mail. Curiosity eating at him, now, he strolled over to the mailbox, brow furrowing as he tried to figure out what could possibly be going on.

What he wasn’t expecting, upon opening the latch, was for a near tidal wave of ice breaker mint cases to pour out of the mailbox and all over his feet. He stood in silent shock for a few seconds, trying to process what had just happened, before he laughed softly, looking around almost as if he expected De to be spying from behind a nearby tree with that mischievous grin on her face that Cas loves so much. He didn’t see her though, but it did nothing to lessen the warmth blooming in his chest.

xxx

After school, De waddled toward the track field where Cas was gearing up for the next big meet. She watched as he noticed her, leaning against the chain link that separated the track from the soccer field and deviated his course to come over to her. She smiled, tucking a fallen piece of hair behind her ear.

“Did you put, like, five million packs of ice breakers in my mailbox?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” De deadpanned. “That sounds like something a crazy person would do.”

“Why would you do that?” Cas smiled back. “That was completely unnecessary.”

“Because I know they’re your favorite,” De blushed. “I didn’t want you to run out, you know. I’ve watched addiction documentaries on TV and people going through withdrawals are bat-shit crazy. I wouldn’t want that to happen to you.”

“That’s very considerate,” Cas chuckled. “I think I’ll be good through the rest of high school now.”

“Good,” De nodded looking around the field; people were starting to look at them which made her very self conscious. “I mean, like, I want to apologize for being the biggest bitch in the universe. I know I didn’t really think about you with this whole baby thing, and maybe you, well, you definitely deserve way better.”

“It’s cool,” Cas shrugged. “I mean, I have no idea what you’re going through I know it can’t be easy.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” De blurted. That was not how she wanted it come out, but unless a spontaneous DeLorean appeared, there was no way to change it now. 

“Like... as _friends_?” Cas asked.

“No,” De smirked. “Like radio over my head, in love with you.”

“I don’t understand that reference,” Cas shook his head.

“ _Say Anything_?” De laughed. “It’s, like, the classic 80’s love story. John Cusack holds the radio over his head outside the girls window.”

Cas shook his head, clearly having no idea what De was talking about. 

“God, we’re gonna have to get you a Netflix account or something,” De chuckled. “You’re culturally deprived.”

“That’s why I keep you around,” Cas joked.

“This is why I love you,” De said. “You’re just funny without really trying.”

“I try really hard, actually,” Cas corrected. 

“No,” De shook her head. “Remember in Spanish last year when you wrote me that postcard and it was address to Deane M. Winchester third row, farthest seat back? And it said ‘I’m having such a great time in Seville. Wish you were here.’ and then you had a little winky face?”

“I was just bored,” Cas explained. “I think school is awesome, like, ninety-five percent of the time.” 

“And you always look at my face,” De continued. “Everyone else talks to the bump, even Bobby and Sam, but you... you talk to my face. And every time you do, the baby kicks a little bit.”

“Really,” Cas asked. 

De grabbed Cas’ hand and pressed it against where the future soccer star was currently aiming. 

“Oh _wow_ ,” Cas smiled. “That's really awesome.”

“I think it knows how I feel,” De shrugged. “Something to do with those annoying stomach butterflies.”

Cas chuckled as he let his hand fall back to his side.

“You’re my best friend, De,” Cas said. “Everything I could ever ask for. Even when you’re being the world’s biggest bitch.”

“I’m making a complete ass out of myself here, dude,” De said. “I’m telling you I love you and you’re just...”

She was cut off when Cas pressed his lips to hers. She melted into it, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him as close as the bump would allow. 

As the world slowly spun around them, De heard Charlie’s giggling getting closer.

“You can go into early labor with that kind of tongue wrestling,” she joked.

De let go of Cas’ face long enough to give Charlie the finger until she stopped laughing. Because nothing else mattered but the feel of Cas’ hands on her hips and the second hand taste of spearmint.

xxx

“Are you going to get much bigger?” Sam asked while De lay on Bobby’s couch running a toy Batmobile, a relic from her childhood, over her belly. “You look like you’re going to explode.”

“I got two weeks left,” De sighed. “So, I hope not. My belly button is going to pop out if I do.”

“That’s gross,” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Wanna see?” De asked, smirking, placing the Batmobile on the coffee table before she started to pull her shirt up over her the bump.

“No,” Sam whined. “Don’t be gross, keep your clothes on.”

“Your loss,” De shrugged. “Looks kinda cool if you ask me.”

“I’ve seen an outie belly button before, Deane,” Sam spat. “It’s not that exciting.”

“Where are you seeing belly buttons?” De asked, pushing herself up onto her elbows to look at her little brother. “Is it that Tyson Brady kid? I told you I don’t like the look of that guy."

“You know, around,” Sam shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“Sam,” De said in warning. “Just because I can barely move doesn’t mean I won’t tickle it out of you.”

“I’m twelve, not five,” Sam rolled his eyes. “You can’t tickle torture me.”

“I can just sit on you,” De replied. “Crush you until you spill.”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Sam whined. “And I can just run away, you’ll never be able to catch me.”

“Then tell me who’s showing you their belly buttons,” De demanded. “I don’t think you’re old enough to be seeing anyone’s midsection. And if it was one of your little weird friends you would have just said it. So, spill dude.”

“No,” Sam said blushing. “I’m allowed to have secrets.”

“Pft, whatever,” De chuckled. “How’s the skateboarding going?” 

“Bobby made me stop,” Sam shrugged. “I was trying to do a jump off the porch and he saw me and he said he was going to skin me alive if he ever saw me do that again. I don’t know how Jess is ever going to like me, now, because I keep doing all the things she likes and she doesn’t even notice most of the time.”

“Have you tried just being yourself?” De asked. 

“I’m _boring_ ,” Sam let his head fall back against the back of the chair he was sitting in. 

“No you’re not,” De comforted. “You’re smart, and you have a little bit of a sense of humor. You’re not entirely lame most of the time.”

“Yeah, but,” Sam sighed dramatically. “But I’m not cool enough.”

“If she thinks you’re not cool enough just the way you are,” De reasoned. “Then she’s not good enough for you.”

“But I really like her,” Sam replied. 

“I know you do,” De replied. “She’s all you’ve talked about for the better part of a year. But believe me, Sammy, if she’s worth it, she won’t care that you’re a shit magician that can’t skateboard. But she’ll like that you’re awesome at soccer and fastest in your grade on the track team, you know a whole bunch of weird stuff about urban legends. You can’t tell me girls don’t like hearing about urban legends. And you can use that to freak them out and then comfort them and protect them from monsters that don’t exist. Girls love that shit.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Sam shrugged. 

“You’re way too young to be worried about girls and what they like,” De continued. “Worry about it when you’re a little bit older. Maybe when you’re in high school she’ll change her mind, realize you’re not really a giant nerd freak.”

“Maybe,” Sam shrugged. 

“It’s worth waiting,” De smiled, absentmindedly rubbing a hand over her belly. “Believe me, Sammy, it’s worth waiting.”

xxx

De sat at the kitchen table shoveling in pancakes into her mouth on the last day of April as Jody rushed getting everyone ready for the day.

“Sam where’s your math book?” Jody asked.

“Upstairs,” Sam answered as he ate his breakfast.

“Doesn’t help you much at school if it’s in your room now does it?” Jody replied. “Go get it.”

Sam sighed and mumbled something about cold pancakes as he ran up the stairs.

“If you did what you were told last night, you won’t have a cold breakfast,” Jody yelled after him before turning to De. “Where’s your book bag?”

“It’s in the living room next to Bobby’s desk, but I’m not going to school,” De answered seriously as she shoveled pancake into her mouth.

“Yes you are,” Jody nodded. “Your condition isn’t a reason to skip school.”

“I’m due _tomorrow_ , Jody,” De argued. “The doctor said I could just, you know, pop in the middle of English class and have the kid right there. I really don’t think any of my teachers would like having blood and guts and embryonic fluid and whatever the hell else is going to come out of my vagina all over their floors. Not to mention the janitors. And they think I’m a big enough disruption to everyday class time without expelling children from my lady parts.”

“You’re going to school, Deane,” Jody replied forcefully. “First children are rarely born on their due date. You probably won’t have it before the weekend.”

“Jody,” De whined. “I don’t want to.”

“You want me to use my mom voice?” Jody sighed. “I’ll full out mom you ass, young lady.”

“I don’t fit in the desks,” De mumbled through a mouthful. “I have to sit at a table and everyone stares at me like I’m a leper.”

“Well,” Jody shook her head. “You’ll use a condom next time won’t you?”

“That’s totally not fair,” De rolled her eyes.

“Oh, it’s completely fair, you never got a proper yelling at,” Jody replied. “Finish your breakfast, get your book bag, and get in the car. You’re going to school. I got one of your overnight bags for the hospital in the cruiser and the other’s in Bobby’s truck just in case. The school nurse knows who to call if you go into labor. They’ll send you off to Lawrence Memorial in an ambulance if I’m on a call. Everyone knows Charlie’s on your birthing team and needs to go with you. You’ll be fine, and you’re not missing anymore school than you have to.”

“This is bullshit,” De mumbled as she cleared her plate.

“Deane,” Jody sighed. “Just do what I say, please. You’ll be out of school for three weeks starting Friday, three more days of school aren’t going to kill you.”

“Whatever,” De rolled her eyes. “This just just fucking sucks.”

“I know,” Jody nodded. “And you also know who’s fault that is.”

 

“I hope I pop in the middle of the lunchroom,” De mumbled to Cas as they walked to biology. “Big old fuck you to everyone for staring at me for seven months.”

“I think that would be really gross,” Cas laughed. “Please don’t do that. I have to eat in the lunchroom. And if you do that, all I’m going to think of is baby goo everywhere whenever I try to eat lunch.”

“When it happens I’m not crossing my legs,” De shrugged.

“Cuz that would be a first,” Alastair Felcher laughed as he walked in the opposite direction high fiving the people he was walking with like that was an original insult, like De hadn’t heard it millions of times since she started showing.

De turned to yell, but Cas grabbed her arm. 

“Don’t engage,” Cas whispered. “Just ignore it. You know he's not worth it.”

“You know,” De replied. “One of these days I’m just going to freak and start throwing punches.”

“Let’s wait til you give Anna the baby,” Cas suggested. “Then you can punch whomever you want.”

“Fine,” De sighed as she let Cas direct her to the biology room. “But only because you’re being so nice about it.”

 

She started to cramp in the middle of third period, but she didn’t really think much of it, she’d had a couple false alarms in the last few days. Jody told her that was normal being so close to her due date.

“Should I tell the teacher?” Charlie leaned over halfway through class. It had taken some convincing, but Charlie got most of their teachers to let her sit with De so she didn’t feel like such a reject. 

“No it’s fine,” De shook her head. “It’s been like this on and off for a couple days. Jody says it’s normal.”

“You look really uncomfortable,” Charlie replied.

“Wow,” De sighed. “Thank you for that _groundbreaking_ realization.”

“Don’t be a bitch, I’m trying to help,” Charlie replied, turning back to history lesson.

 

Instead of going to fifth period study hall, De got a pass to bathroom and just walked around the school for a while. For whatever reason she wanted to keep moving, she had more energy than she’d had since she found out she was with child. Normally, she’d be getting yelled at for taking a nap during study hall, but she today she just needed to move. Maybe, she figured, it was because she finally felt like she could breathe. The walking also made it quite a bit easier to make it to the bathroom without the embarrassment of asking to go pee every ten minutes.

 

In sixth period math, it happened.

“Fucking shit,” De breathed, just loud enough for Charlie to hear.

“What?” Charlie looked over to her. “You okay? More fake contractions?”

“No,” De shook her head letting out a long slow breath. “No.”

“Then what?” Charlie asked. “Heartburn? That spaghetti from lunch has been giving me some wicked old lady acid reflux.”

“No,” De shook her head. “Not that.”

“De,” Charlie placed her hand on her friend's shoulder and rubbed down her arm. “Oh fuck.”

“Miss Bradbury,” the teacher signed at the front of the room. “Don’t use that kind of language in my classroom.”

“I’m sorry,” Charlie answered. “It’s just De...”

“Shut up,” De warned. “Just shut up.”

“What’s wrong, Miss Winchester,” the teacher sighed.

“Nothing,” De shook her head. “Everything’s good. Just keep teaching.”

The teacher turned back to the board and her quadratic equations.

“I’m pretty sure you should go to the nurse,” Charlie whispered. 

“I’m not due ‘til tomorrow,” De whispered back. “Jody said first children are usually born late. And the doctor said that basically nobody feels their water break. It, like, happens in the shower and shit.”

“Well, either you’re peeing yourself in the middle of math class,” Charlie hissed.

“Girls!” the teacher called. “This is going to be on the final exam. I suggest you pay attention.”

“We have to go to the nurse,” Charlie said quickly. 

“I am not walking in front of the whole class with wet pants, Charlie,” De hissed. “I will stay here til the bell rings and then... ow... son of _bitch_.”

“Girls,” the teacher sighed. “Are you alright?”

“Yes!” De answered. “We’re fine. It’s nothing, braxton hick, you know. Charlie’s freaking out about nothing.”

“Please pay attention,” the teacher shook her head. “I know you have a lot going on, but at least try. Let everyone else learn.”

“Yes ma’am,” De nodded. “Sorry for the disruption.”

“No,” Charlie shook her head. “Now’s not really the time for modesty, Deane. Let’s go.”

“Can I wrap your sweatshirt around me?” De sighed giving in. 

“Yeah, sure,” Charlie pulled the sweatshirt over her head and handed it to De who placed it over her lap the best she could.

“I’ll get you a new one if I get baby juice on it,” De promised.

“It’ll wash out,” Charlie smiled. “I’m not worried about it.”

De waited another several minutes, waiting for the teacher to turn around and face the class for a moment before raising her hand.

“What now, Miss Winchester?” the teacher sighed. 

“I think I need to go to the nurse,” De answered. “I have to call my step mom.”

Every eye in the room turned to De and Charlie at their table on the side of the room. De felt the hot burn of embarrassment on her face as they stared.

“Are you okay?” the teacher asked again as she place the chalk back in the tray and made her way over.

De shook her head. “These are different from the braxton hicks and I’m, you know,” she lowered her voice to keep most of the class from hearing her. “I’m leaking.” 

“I’ll get the nurse,” the teacher replied, turning around and heading into the hallway.

“Do you have your phone?” De asked trying to turn away from everyone in the room. 

Charlie dug around in her book bag and pulled her phone, handing it to De. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Jody’s number and pressed call.

“Sheriff Mills,” the familiar voice answered.

“Jody,” De said calmly. “Thundercats are go.”


	8. Chapter 8

The drive to the hospital could have easily fit into a movie, that’s how comically unorganized it was. As soon as Jody whipped her police car into the school parking lot, De hurried out the doors as fast as she could, keeping a death grip on Charlie's hand as her best friend helped her down the steps.

Jody hopped out of the car and opened the back seat just as De and Charlie scrambled inside, slamming the door shut behind them before she ran back to the drivers side and sped off again, lights and sirens blaring from the car. De let out a forced chuckle through the screen separating the front from the back, trying to ignore the sweat that was beginning to break out across her forehead and neck.

"Wow, Jody, bet you've never arrested a pregnant woman before have y—," but the word was cut off with a scream as a contraction suddenly hit her, and she nearly folded completely into herself from the pain. Charlie wrapped an arm around her shoulder to hold her up, a gesture which De was grateful for because she knew without the support she probably would have collapsed into the floorboard.

“How far apart are the contractions?” Jody called to the girls.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to fuckin’ time it, Jody,” De moaned. “I just know it fucking hurts.”

“You gotta have some idea,” Jody replied, annoyed. “I have to tell your doctor when we get in there.”

“I friggin’ told you I shouldn’t go to school today,” De whined.

“I know,” Jody said rolling her eyes. “Now think for a second and tell me how far apart your contractions are.”

“The last one was in class right?” Charlie asked, trying to be the calmer head. “I think, like, fifteen minutes ago, at the earliest.”

“Yeah I think so,” De nodded, panting slightly. “That sounds about right. Right in the middle of ‘I’m not walking in front of the class after I pissed myself’ argument.”

"All right," Jody replied, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "All right. Now I called Bobby on my way to get you. He's gonna pick up Sam from school at the end of the day and meet us at the hospital."

"Oh great the whole entourage will be there to witness my vagina explode," De grumbled; though, secretly she was relieved to have her family be with her. A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she sat up straighter.

"Wait, did somebody call Anna yet?"

“Bobby’s taking care of that,” Jody answered, turning into the hospital parking lot. “Stay here, I’m going to get a wheelchair and a nurse.”

“Yeah, okay,” De panted, one hand pressed against her forehead. “Thanks. Could you, uh, open the back door first, though? It’s very possible I might barf in a minute.”

Jody nodded quickly and moved around to Deane's side, opening the door before running off towards the hospital entrance. De sighed as a breeze hit her face, evaporating some of the sweat now beading her hair.

“Do you want me to call Cas?” Charlie asked. “We kind of booked it out of school, so I’m sure he’ll hear, but you wanna tell him?”

“No,” De shook her head. “There’s a big meet today with Free State, I can’t let him miss it. It’ll screw up his scholarship chances.”

Charlie nodded in understanding, stroking De’s hair as she groaned from another contraction. Jody made her way back out to the car soon after, followed by a nurse pushing an empty wheelchair, which De immediately collapsed into when it was within reach. They made their way into the hospital, and De sighed in relief, letting her head fall back against the chair as her contractions passed for the time being.

 

“Girls,” Jody sighed as she watched Charlie push De around the corner into check in. “Can you pretend to be adults, please?”

“What’s the fun in that Jody?” Charlie laughed before making loud car noises and pushing De directly into the wall.

“Dude,” De laughed. “Fragile merchandise.”

“Get over here,” Jody hissed. “Stop fucking around. I’ll send Charlie home and let you push that baby out by yourself.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” De laughed shaking her head.

“Don’t be so sure,” Jody retorted, fixing De with one of her cold mom-stares.

“Right this way, please,” a nurse in burgundy scrubs said holding a door open.

Charlie pulled De backward so she’d be able to get a running start, but Jody stepped out in front of them.

“No.”

Charlie lowered her head and stepped away from the wheelchair. “I was just trying to have fun, Jody.”

“You can have fun later,” Jody snapped as she grabbed the handles of the chair and followed the smirking nurse to the elevator that would lead to the birthing suites.

 

The birthing suite was actually really nice when it came to hospital rooms. It had a pretty good view of the trees lining the parking lot, at least. Jody wheeled De up to the bed, followed by Charlie and the nurse.

“Just change into the gown on the bed, and I’ll send the doctor in a few minutes,” the nurse smiled. “You can leave the back open or tie it up, your choice. I’m Michelle if you need anything.”

“When do I get drugs?” De asked as she pushed herself out of the chair. “Cuz I mean, I’ve only had, like, three contractions, but they sucked.”

“You’ve probably been having them all day, you just started noticing them,” Jody sighed. “And not yet, not for a couple hours probably.”

“Hours?!” De whined. “What’s the point of good drugs if they don’t give ‘em to you?”

“You’ll be fine,” Michelle smiled sweetly. “Everyone tells me it’s not really as bad as the horror stories you hear.”

“Yeah, great,” De nodded. “I’m going to push a very large thing out of a very small hole. I want drugs.”

“Knock it off,” Jody warned. “We’ll take it from here, Michelle, thank you.”

“Are you part of the birthing team?” the nurse asked turning to Charlie.

“Left leg,” Charlie smiled.

“Alright,” Michelle nodded. “Is there anyone else coming that’s part of the birthing team? Just because right now, we’re going to keep traffic in and out of the suites to a minimum until you deliver.”

“My uncle and brother are coming,”  De answered. “But they are not getting a close up look at this situation.”

“Alright, when they arrive, I’ll send them to the waiting area.”

“Cool,” De gave Michelle a thumbs up before the nurse turned and left the room closing the door behind her. “Are you guys gonna leave while I change?”

“No,” Charlie said simply. “I’m gonna have my face all up in lady bits in a few hours, might as well get a sneak preview.”

“Leave,” De sighed. “Please.”

“You sure you don’t want help sweetheart?” Jody asked.

“Can you please, just, I don’t know,” De turned to look at Jody. “Can you just listen to me, please. I can undress myself. This is awkward enough without everyone I know seeing me naked.”

“Alright,” Jody smiled. “We’ll be back in a couple minutes. We’ll go get your bag from the car, get some water bottles, find the ice machine. Then we’ll be back. If the doctor comes, don’t be mean to her. Let her do her thing so we can do this.”

“I won’t be mean to the doctor,” De sighed. “Why would you think I’d be mean to the doctor?”

Jody just smiled and turned to leave. “Be back in ten minutes.”

De hurriedly shrugged out of her clothes, replacing them with the white gown just as the pain in her abdomen returned, causing her to groan and grab at the edge of the bed for support. She tried to focus on her breathing as her insides fought against her.

“This is going to be a long day,” she sighed as he tried to push herself on to the hospital bed to get ready for the doctor.  

 

“How the crap did women do this in the olden days?” De whined, passing back and forth next to the bed, gripping her iv stand. “This is the worst thing to ever happen.”

“Most of them died I think,” Charlie answered. “They just died from the pain.”

“Shut up,” De shook her head. “You’re not helping. When can I have the spinal tap thingy?”

“Not yet,” Jody answered. “And asking every six seconds isn’t going to change the answer. Just let the doctors do their jobs.”

“But I need it,” De whined, before her knees started to buckle from the pain of another contraction. “Fucking fuck.”

“I’ll see if I can get a nurse,” Jody said. “See if we can get you... something.”

“That would be awesome, thanks,” De panted as Jody disappeared into the hallway.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call Cas?” Charlie asked, playing with her cellphone in a chair in the corner of the room. “I’m sure he’d want to be here.”

De shook her head.

“I thought you guys were all good now?” Charlie asked.

“We are,” De answered. “It’s just... I don’t... he doesn’t... I don’t want more people here than there has to be, you know. I don’t want him to see me like this. And the big meet today. That’s more important. Right? He’d just be sitting with Bobby and Sam in the waiting room. So he should be out running, he wants to get a scholarship to Kansas State. You don’t get scholarships for skipping the biggest meet of the year to sit in a waiting room. And the scouts are supposed to be there, you know. It’s a big deal. If we were keeping the baby, I mean, maybe he’d be here. I don’t really know what the right thing is.”

“Whatever you want,” Charlie replied. “I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

“Do you think he should be here?” De asked. “I mean, if this was you, would you want him here?”

“I don’t know what I’d do,” Charlie answered honestly. “I don’t think there is a right answer. I mean, you and Cas, this whole thing is complicated.”

“Fuckin’ ow,” De breathed through gritted teeth. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll call him when it’s over, though. He can be here when it’s over. Can you help me back up on the bed? I think that might help, maybe.”

“Of course,” Charlie smiled standing up.     

“If he wants to meet it,” De panted as the two girls tried to maneuver De back onto the bed. “He can see it before Anna goes home. I mean, she said that we can spend time with the baby if we want until they leave the hospital.”

“That’s nice of her,” Charlie smiled.

“I don’t think I want to,” De mumbled. “It would just be crappy. Anna’s it’s mom. I’m just the vessel.”

“You might want to hold it for a minute after you push it out,” Charlie chuckled.

“Nurse is on her way,” Jody announced walking back into the room. “She’s going to see how dilated you are, then see if they can adjust your pain killers. She said the doctor wants you at four centimeters before they give you the epidural.”

De growled in frustration, rubbing a hand over her abdomen in a feeble attempt to ease the pain just as the nurse came in.

“Let’s take a look at how you’re progressing,” the nurse smiled.

De looked over the Jody and Charlie hoping they’d turn around or leave as she adjusted the hospital gown and the nurse pulled her legs apart, but no such luck.

“We’re getting there,” the nurse smiled. “Your mom said the pain is really bad?”

“Yeah, I guess,” De answered. “Just you know, when my insides start squeezing and try to expel this other being, and my back kind of hurts, it, like, aches I guess, and my feet, but I think that’s just because I’ve gotten so fat. My back’s been bothering me the last couple days though, but it’s real bad today.”

“I’ll relay to the doctor,” the nurse replied. “We might be able to do the epidural within the hour, you’re getting there, after that it should be too long before it’s time to push.”

“Oh yay!” De smiled sarcastically.

“We’re just going to ask you to try to stay laying down after we administer the epidural,” the nurse told her. “I’ll be back shortly.”

“Close to go time, kiddo,” Jody said excitedly as the nurse left the room.

“Guess so,” De sighed, worry she couldn’t explain overwhelming the buzz excitement in the room. “It’s almost all over.”

 

xxx

 

Out in the waiting room Bobby and Sam were playing Uno trying to keep themselves occupied. Bobby had what looked like half the deck in his hand.

“Can you teach me to play poker?” Sam asked. “De said she would, but then she got pregnant and forgot.”

“How about I teach you after,” Bobby suggested. “Me and De will teach ya. We’ll have a night of poker when Jody’s working late one of these nights coming up.”

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. “I guess. I don’t get what the big deal is, it’s just a card game.”

“De learned from your dad,” Bobby explained. “She wants to teach you. It means something to her to be the one to teach ya.”

“Whatever,” Sam shrugged placing his next card down on the pile. “Draw four. Where’s Cas?”    

“Don’t know, Squirt,” Bobby answered. “That’d be a question for your sister.”

“I thought they were getting along now,” Sam continued, tossing down two skips and a wild card. “I’m changing it to blue. He’s been at the house a couple times helpin’ her get ahead in biology.”

“I don’t know,” Bobby replied. “Deane’s been pretty tight lipped to me about the whole Castiel thing. Not something you really talk about with your uncle, I guess.”

“Do you think she’ll stop being annoying after she has the baby?” Sam asked seriously. “She keeps throwing stuff at me and making me get her stuff, like I’m her slave or something.”

“I’m pretty sure that’ll stop,” Bobby chuckled. “I’ll put an end to it right quick if it doesn't.”

“That would be greatly appreciated,” Sam nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything before because I figured it was just a baby thing, you know, draw two.”

“Yeah,” Bobby scratched at his beard as he picked up two more cards. “She’s kinda milkin’ it.”

Bobby looked up as someone new entered the waiting room; a frantic looking red headed woman carrying a green diaper bag with a large giraffe on the side.

“Mrs. Milton?” Bobby asked, recognizing her.  

“Mr. Singer,” Anna sighed deeply and took a few steps toward them. “Do you know anything yet? Has she had the baby?”

“Not as far as I know,” Bobby answered. “Just waiting for my wife to pop her head in and tell us anything. She said she’d let us know right before she started to push, I guess.”

Sam looked back and forth between Bobby and the woman he’d never seen before, but figured was the mother of De’s baby.

“You must be Sammy,” Anna smiled.

“Sam,” he corrected automatically.

“Your sister talks about you a lot,” Anna said.

“I know,” Sam nodded. “It’s because I’m cooler than her.”

Anna laughed, tension visibly leaving her. “Is it alright if I...” she gestured at the empty chair next to Bobby.

“‘Course,” Bobby nodded. “Want to be dealt in? Kid’ll kick your butt, but it helps pass the time.”

“Okay,” Anna said tentatively. “If you don’t mind, I mean I don’t want to be a bother.”

“We got a lot of doing nothing ahead of us,” Bobby replied. “Might as well do it together.”

Sam took Bobby’s cards from him as he shuffled the discard pile.

“It’s not fair to just deal her cards at this point,” Sam said. “We’ll just start over. We all know I won that round anyway.”

 

Sam was once again winning, like he had a horde of skips and draw fours in his pants pockets or something when Jody entered the waiting room.

“The doctor said it shouldn’t be too much longer before she starts pushing,” Jody announced as she approached them.

“This is Mrs. Milton,” Bobby pointed to Anna. “My wife, Jody.”

Anna smiled a hello.

“So about how long do you think?” Anna asked.

“If she keeps going at the rate she is,” Jody said trying to recall exactly what the doctor said. “She should be entering the second stage of labor in the next five minutes or so. They told Charlie and I to grab the ice and alert the waiting area. Who knows how long she’ll be pushing, but she’ll be pushing shortly.”

“So next time we see ya,” Bobby said scratching under his hat.

“You’ll be a mom,” Jody said, smiling at Anna. “I gotta get back. Don’t want them to start without me. You know De will kick me out if I’m not there on time.” She turned on her heels and walked back out of the room.

“Now’s the time to get nervous right?” Anna chuckled, searching through her hand to find a green five.

“You’re doing just fine,” Bobby answered as Sam placed a green reverse on the top of the discard pile. “Are you makin’ cards over there?”

Sam shrugged and looked over to Anna.

“Last chance to back out,” Anna took a deep breath.

Bobby placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder. “Deane’s very confident that you’ll be the best mother that kid could have. She might not have the greatest track record of makin’ good decisions, but on this one, I’m pretty sure she’s right. You’ll do just fine. It’s normal to be nervous, but you’ll be fine.”

Anna let out her breath and smiled at Bobby and then Sam. “Alright, yeah,” she sighed, then placed a green skip on the top of the pile.

Bobby shook his head and rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair with his cards.

 

xxx

 

Once the epidural was administered, things started to get going very quickly.

“My toes feel weird,”  De announced as the doctor looked under the hospital gown to check on her progress for the fifth time in the last hour.

“That’s normal,” the doctor smiled. “We’re almost there, okay? We gotta get you just a little bit bigger before we can start pushing.”

“Okay,” De gave the doctor a thumbs up.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” the doctor continued. “Keep moving your legs.”

“Invisible bicycle,” De smiled. “Got it.”

“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” the doctor chuckled.

“We gotta hurry this up,” De told Jody and Charlie. “There’s a new episode of Doctor Sexy on tonight. I can’t miss it.”

“I’m sure it’s being taped,” Jody shook her head.

“No,” De shook her head. “I don’t tape it. I don’t want Sammy to make fun of me.”

“Alright, then,” Jody shook her head. “We’ll figure it out later, okay. Let’s focus on one thing at time.”

“Baby first,” De nodded.

“These are some serious drugs,” Charlie laughed, massaging De’s calf like she’d been doing for the last half hour. “I might want to get my hands on some.”

“No!” De did her best to sit up and looked at Charlie with the most serious face she could. “Don’t do it. I am not a good role model.”

“I was kidding, De,” Charlie laughed. “Calm down. Not putting any buns in this oven any time, ever.”

“Good,” De replied, placing her head back down on the pillow. “Do we gotta move me so I’m sitting up?”

“When the doctor says,” Jody answered. “Probably next time she comes in we’ll start rearranging.

“Awesome,” De sighed and rubbed her hand over her belly. “See you soon little buddy.”

 

“We’re going to count to ten, and then I want you to push,” the doctor instructed. “Just like I told you, alright.”

“But what if I like...” De asked, making hand motions that didn’t convey any kind of logical continuation of her sentence.

“Don’t worry about it,” the doctor said. “You ready?”

De nodded, taking one of the deep breathes she’d learned about in the stupid breathing classes that Jody made her take. She clenched her eyes shut and pushed, feeling a strange pressure around her crotch.

“Keep going you’re doing really well, Deane,” the doctor encouraged as Jody and Charlie each pressed De’s legs back toward her chest. “Okay, now rest.”

“I really gotta pee,” De sighed, panting slightly.

“If you get up the baby will fall out,” Charlie said. “We can’t have that.”

“That’s sounds a whole fuck of a lot easier,” De replied.

“We’re almost there,” the doctor explained. “We got two more pushes tops before we have the head out, so we’re just going to stay where we are.”

“But I gotta pee,” De whined.

Jody took a washcloth out of the ice bucket next to the bed and place it on De’s forehead, wiping some of the sweat away.

“It’ll be okay,” Jody smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t want to pee on the doctor,” De whispered leaning close to Jody as she spoke.

“I’m sure the doctor has had worse things happen,” Jody answered wiping down the side of De’s face. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We’re going to start counting again,” the doctor continued when everyone was back in position. “Get ready to push.”

De took several deep breathes, getting ready for the next one. She began pushing again, her entire body tightening like a coil from the strain of it before she let out a hoarse yell just as the doctor told her she could rest.

When she hit the pillows behind her again, Jody was laughing harder than De had heard her laugh in a long time.

“You friggin’ pissed on me, bitch,” Charlie laughed.

“I warned you,” De chuckled. “Shoulda let me go.”

“One more time and we should have a baby,” the doctor said, smirk evident in her voice. “I can see the top of the baby’s head, so this is going to be a big one. We gotta get the shoulders out.”

“Okay,” De nodded. “I think I got it in me.”

“Good,” the doctor smiled. “I’ll give you a second and then we’re going to start counting.”

De took several deep breathes and gathered everything remaining in her for this last big push: all the anger she’s harbored about things she couldn’t control. As the doctor got down to one, she pushed abandonment issues and whatever the hell was going on between her and Cas out as hard as she could.

“Oh my God,” Charlie started to scream. “Oh my God, De I can see it! Woah this is _so_  freaky. There’s a head a real head.”

“Keeping going we’re almost there,” the doctor instructed. “Almost, just a little bit more.”

“Eyes,” Charlie laughed, pushing De’s leg back toward her body as hard as she could. “It has eyes! This is awesome.”

De responded simply by yelling through her clenched teeth, the muscles in her neck bulging with the strain of her efforts.

“Ten more seconds,” the doctor said. “You can do it, a little bit more.”

And then there was silence as De fell back against the pillows again, silence that seemed to last hours until there was a tiny crying scream.

In front of her in the doctor’s arms was tiny, shivering, covered in blood and whatever else was coming out of her, baby boy.

“You have to do one more push for me,” the doctor said handing the little baby off to the nurse.

“But it’s out,” De protested tiredly. “Job done.”

“Afterbirth, sweetheart,” Jody explained. “Just one more okay.”

“I guess.”    

De growled and gave one last heave, her muscles starting to ache with exhaustion.

“Do we got a name for him?” the nurse asked, returning with a cleaned off pink wrinkly baby in her arms.

“I don’t know,” De shook her head. “I didn’t ask.”

“You want to hold him?” the nurse stepped closer extending her arms and the tiny body toward Deane as she did so.

“I don’t know,” De answered. “Would it be okay? Just for a minute.”

“Yes,” Jody said authoritatively. “No one is going to tell you you can’t hold him.”

“Just for a minute,” De repeated as the nurse placed him into her arms. “Just a minute.”

There was something about that little wrinkled face that looked a lot like Castiel, maybe the tuft of dark hair on his head or the way his head was tilted to the side like he was confused. Everything about this tiny little being reminded her of Cas.

“Hi, baby,” she smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“Can I?” Charlie asked stepping forward.

“Yeah,” De answered holding him so Charlie to take him. “Hold his head so it doesn’t fall off.”

“That’s not what happens,” Charlie chuckled, repositioning so her left hand was under his head.   

“Don’t break him,” De replied. “I’m not giving Anna a defective child.”

Charlie did a little dance around the side of the bed, telling the baby how lucky he was.

“Do you want hold him Jody?” De asked. “Before Charlie drops him.”

“No,” Jody said softly, tears in her eyes. “I don’t think I’d be able to give him back.”

Charlie place him back down in De’s arms. “He’s perfect,” she concluded.

“Yeah, he his,” De nodded, brushing his cheek with her finger, then turned to the nurse “You can take him. Take him to wherever you have to take him so Anna gets him.”

“You’re sure,” the nurse asked stepping forward.

“Yeah,” De answered. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

 

xxx

 

Castiel stretched his calves by the side of the track, focusing on his breathing as he prepared for the race. He knew there were college recruiters in the crowd today, and he wanted to perform his absolute best so that he might have a chance at scholarships in the coming years. Taking another deep breath as the announcer called his name and number, Cas made his way to the starting line, risking a glance up into the stands. He could see his mom on the very back row with her video camera, one hand raised at him in a thumbs-up gesture.

He bit his lip, looking around in the rest of the stands for De. When he didn’t immediately spot her, he shoved down the slight anxiety that was threatening to worm its way into his throat and told himself that she was probably running late or simply sitting somewhere he was unable to see her easily. The announcer gave the direction for the racers to get into starting position, and Cas tore his eyes away from the crowd, gluing them instead onto the track, trying to focus his concentration on the race only.

Silence gathered just before the crack of the gunshot sliced through the air, and Cas shoved off from the ground and into a sprint, his lungs burning in exhilaration. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see himself pulling away from the rest of the runners, taking a position in the lead. He felt a small burst of pride in himself at this realization, using the newfound adrenaline to continue fueling his stamina, until he crossed the finish line, taking first place.

The crowd in the stands cheered his victory, but Cas’ eyes were once again scanning the mass of spectators for Deane. It didn’t take him long, now that he was able to concentrate on finding her, to realize that she was, in fact, not present at all. Not allowing himself to feel hurt, Castiel went back through his memory to the day before, when De had promised him she would come to his meet no matter what. She had then silenced his response with a firm kiss to the mouth, afterwards chuckling as the baby began kicking inside her.

And suddenly Castiel knew exactly why De hadn’t made it to his meet, and the realization almost made him trip over his feet as he sprinted, without thinking, through the stands and out of the field. He completely ignored the confused calls from his teammates and the crowd because nothing else mattered anymore except Cas getting to the hospital as soon as possible.

 

xxx

 

Anna stood in the doorway to the nursery looking over the newborns, when Jody walked into the waiting room, she didn’t even wait to hear what she had to say, she just stood up and walked out of the room, asking the nearest hospital employee where the nursery was.

“Mrs. Milton?” a nurse in burgundy scrubs asked.

“Yeah,” Anna answered, nodding.

“Would you like to meet your son?”

“I have a son?” Anna laughed.

“A very healthy, seven pound baby boy,” the nurse answered as Anna walked over to her. “Nice easy delivery.” She handed over the swaddled blue bundle to Anna’s eager arms.

“Ten fingers,” Anna chuckled, as the baby reached out of the blanket and toward her face. She turned to find Jody standing behind her, watching. “I have a son.”

“Yeah,” Jody smiled.

“How do I look?” Anna asked.

“Scared shitless,” Jody laughed. “Which if I remember right, is exactly how you should be looking.”

“Is De okay?” Anna questioned.

“She will be,” Jody replied. “She’s tired, drugged out, but she’ll be fine.”

“Good,” Anna nodded, unconsciously dancing in a tiny circle with the baby in her arms. “Does she want to see him? Anything she wants.”

“We had our moment,” Jody replied. “He’s yours.”

“If she needs anything,” Anna continued.

“Right now,” Jody smiled. “All Deane needs is to be go back to being a seventeen year old girl. It’s gonna take her a little bit, but we’ll get there. Don’t worry about her. You got enough on your plate.”

“I don’t know how to thank her,” Anna smiled down at the baby, tears in her eyes.

“Make him grow up right,” Jody answered. “Teach him right from wrong, good from bad, buy him a Batman t-shirt for his second birthday. Just do your best, and that’s all the thanks she’ll need.”

Anna looked up to respond, but Jody was gone, disappeared down the hall of the ward.

 

xxx

 

De laid curled on her side half asleep after the nurses came in and changed all the sheets. She was still numb, not just physically but emotionally. This act, this baby she’d just pushed out was going to have a wonderful life with Anna. She had to believe that. That belief was going to get her through the next few days as she recovered.  As she woke up, blinking into the florescent light of the birthing suite, Bobby pushed her hair away from her face.

“How you doing there, kiddo?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled honestly.

“You’ll be okay,” Bobby promised. “The hardest part is over. We just gotta put everything back together and move forward.”

“I know,” De nodded.

“You’ll be back here, someday,” he smiled down at her. “Ten years from now, maybe, when you’re all grown up. You’ll do this again, on your own terms. Might be with that Novak boy you’re so hung up on, or someone new. But you’ll be back, and it’ll will be a just as big a miracle.”

“I’ll already know what to do,” De smirked. “Just like riding a bike.”

Bobby chuckled, shaking his head. “You up for a game of poker? Sam’s been buggin’ me to teach him since we got here.”

De shook her head. “Not right now, Uncle Bobby, maybe later.”

In the hallway there was the unmistakable sound of squeaking sneakers, both turned expecting to see a nurse running by, another baby on its way, but when the footsteps stopped, a tall boy in a red and black track uniform stood panting in the doorway, his dark hair sticking up in messy tufts above his head.

“Is it over?” Cas asked looking between Bobby and De. De could help but start to laugh. Bobby looked over at her before standing up.

“I’m gonna go find Jody and your brother,” he announced. “Find some food. You want anything?”

“Pie,” De smirked. “Please bring back pie.”

“No problem.”  Bobby walked over to Cas. From the look on his face, he believed the older man was about to punch him, but Bobby placed his hands hard on both of Cas’ shoulders then tapped the side of his face before shaking his head and leaving the room.

“It’s all over?” Cas asked again.

“Yeah,” De nodded. “It’s all over.”

“Are you okay?” Cas asked as he stepped into the room.

“Yeah,” De smiled weakly. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” Cas replied walking closer. “I know you better than anyone. You can’t lie to me.”

She smiled weakly as he walked around the bed, climbed on, and curled right up against her, his face in her sweaty hair.

“You could have called me, I would have been here,” he whispered. “I know you weren’t alone, but I would have been here. I would have been there for everything.”

“You had a track meet,” De replied. “I didn’t want you to miss it. College recruiters. I didn’t want you to miss your chance at a scholarship.”

“You’re more important,” Cas whispered, pressing a kiss into the shell of her ear.

And with that, she broke down and started to cry. At first silent tears she could blink away, but it quickly built to an uncontrolled sob. Cas pulled her close, like she remembered Bobby doing when she was little, but instead of telling her to hush that everything would be okay, he just let her cry. There were no words spoken as they lay there, just months of unspoken pressure, broken promises, and the knowledge that from now on it would be different.

  
Cas decided he didn’t want to see the baby, De only saw him for those brief moments before she told the nurse to take him away. In the end, though, he never felt like theirs. He never had; he’d always been Anna’s.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RemingtonSteele: Hi everyone! First I would like to thank all of you who read, commented, left kudos, etc. It really means a lot to us to have people read and enjoy our work. As you may have noticed, we are almost to the end, but it has been a very wonderful journey. This chapter is fairly short, so apologies of you were expecting something larger, but next Friday will be the epilogue and then this story will be over. Once again, thanks to all of you for your support! xoxo
> 
> xxx
> 
> Tealpaperclip: I would just like to reiterate what RemingtonSteele said, this has been a crazy, fun journey writing this, and I'm awed by the support it's gotten. Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. It's been really awesome knowing that people reading this have enjoyed it.

**Summer**

In the custard colored nursery, Anna rocked her baby boy in an old rocking chair, his tiny little hand wrapped around her index finger as he took a bottle. For the first time that she can remember, she’s unshowered, exhausted. All the baby books  told her that she should sleep when the baby sleeps, but how is she supposed to do that when she has a million other things to do? She couldn’t remember that last time she ate something of substance, all her meals consisting only of handfuls of pretzels and slices of lunch meat while standing in the doorway of the refrigerator when she had a chance. But above it all, she’s happier than she’s been in a very long time.

When he finished the bottle, the baby started to fuss. Anna maneuvered them so he was lying over her shoulder across a  blue burp cloth with little trucks on it, tapping his back gently to get the gas out.

“You ready for a nap, little guy?” she asked after he seemed satisfied.

He blinked up at her from her lap, which Anna took for a yes and started rocking. She’d discovered the best way to him to fall asleep was rocking in that chair. After what seemed like hours of rocking, the baby had finally fallen back to sleep. She stood up slowly, doing her best not to disturb him, and walked over to the crib. She placed him down, took a step back, looked at the wall where she imagined the first family photo would go. In its place was a wrinkled, grease stained receipt from Singer Auto Salvage; scribbled across the back in De’s boyish hand writing it read:

_Anna,_  
 _If you’re still in, I’m still in._  
 _It was never anybody but you._  
 _-De_

xxx

 

“This summer reading list is complete bullshit,” De whined, propping her feet over Cas’ lap on her living room couch, _The Scarlet Letter_ open across her chest.

“I recall you saying the same thing every year since third grade,” Cas replied.

“I don’t want to do school shit outside of school,” De sighed.

“You read all the time,” Cas chuckled. “You have, like, a library in that attic bedroom of yours. I’ve seen all your Vonnegut and Tolkien up there.”

“That’s totally different,” De scoffed. “We shouldn’t have to do school work over the summer. Plus I got, like, a whole bunch of extra shit for US History I have to get done by the 15th of July to get credit for the spring semester of last year. And I gotta take this stupid ass summer school class. I was only out of school for three weeks. I didn’t miss that much. Every other teacher gave me the work ahead of time, I don’t get why Adler had to be such a huge asshole.”

“I don’t know,” Cas shrugged.

“I gotta get all this crap done if I want to start applying to schools when we go back.”

“Where were you thinking of applying?”

De shrugged as she pushed herself up in the couch. “Kansas, maybe, wherever you’re applying.”

“Don’t do that,” Cas shook his head. “Don’t be that girl.”

“What girl?” De asked.

“That one that just does what her boyfriend does,” Cas answered. “Don’t follow me to school. Go where you want, think about places that have things you’re interested in. You shouldn’t just bend like that. Haven’t you had that talk with Sam, like, six hundred times?”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t want to go to Kansas on my own?” De chuckled.

“Because you said ‘wherever you’re applying,’” Cas answered. “Have you even taken the SATs yet?”

“It’s on my list of things to do this summer,” De sighed. “I was a little busy when everyone else was taking them. I mean, I know I’m not a crazy brainiac like you, but I can do well enough on that test to get my in at any state school. Plus I got a _killer_ essay topic. Teenage moms are all the rage these days with those dumb ass MTV shows.”

“Exactly,” Cas replied, leaning across the couch to kiss her. “You can go anywhere. So apply other places besides where I apply.”

De sighed.”I don’t even know if I’m sure what I _want_ to do with my life,” she said, leaning over to rest her head on Cas’ lap, stretching her legs out over the arm of the couch.

“Well,” Cas replied, “What do you love? What are you good at? Those are usually the base questions for stuff like this.”

“I don’t know. I mean, you can’t get a degree in Batman comics.” She closed her eyes, rubbing a hand over her forehead. “I’ve always made the best grades in, like, math and physics and stuff, and so I’ve thought about engineering. But college is different, you know? The classes are harder, and the people you are in these classes with are smarter and better than how it is in high school. I just don’t know if I’m good enough for an engineering program.”

Cas threaded his fingers into her hair, massaging lightly. “You never know until you try,” he said. “I remember when my mom first wanted me to sign up for the track team, I was terrified because I didn’t think I’d be any good. And now I’ve won all these awards and scholarships and stuff, and it’s pretty much secured my future for me.” He smirked at De as she opened her eyes and looked up at him, a grin just barely visible around her lips.

“I’ll think about it...” De responded. “Maybe look around specifically at some colleges that have good engineering programs or something.”

“That’d be cool.”

“You wouldn’t get mad if I applied at schools up where my dad lives?” De asked.

“No,” Cas shook his head. “That would be great for you. If that’s where you want to go, that’s where you should go. I mean you guys have been talking recently, right?”

“Yeah, we have,” De nodded. “He doesn’t, you know, know _everything_ , but he hasn’t been a much of a dick as usual. It’s kinda nice actually. He wants me and Sammy to come up for Christmas, meet our brother. I guess the kid is kind of excited about us.”

“You should go,” Cas replied.

“If Sam wants to,” De smiled. “We will. Bobby and Jody think it’ll be a good idea. I mean, they probably would like some quiet time. They deserve it after what they’ve put up with this year.”

De sighed and shifted back upright, leaning instead halfway against Cas’ shoulder and the back of the couch, trying to read her book again. The whole ordeal had ended up working pretty well for her personal life. She had a boyfriend who adored her and she was pretty sure she loved, she _might_ actually be starting to have a plan for her future career, and she had started opening up communication with her father. It was nice, she figured, finally having things work out in her favor for the first time that she could remember.

The screen door slammed open as Sam busted through, laughing with the pretty blonde girl from down the street as they came to get popsicles from the freezer.

“Jody’s back,” Sam announced.

“Oh yay,” De rolled her eyes.

“They’re so cute, Deane,” Jess added. “You’ll love them.”

“Yeah,” De sighed.

“What is?” Cas whispered. “I missed something.”

“Jody adopted two kittens,” De explained. “Naming them Benadryl and Claritin.”

“She’s always wanted them right?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” De answered. “I’m allergic to them, though, but because I’m leaving for college and she had to put up with me being pregnant, we decided as a family that she could get them. I just have to get better allergy meds.”

“You’ll loved them!” Jess gushed from the kitchen. “They’re _so_ cute.”

“I’m sure,” De sighed. “Sam, hand me a popsicle. I want a blue one.”

“Get it yourself,” Sam answered. “I’m not your maid anymore, Bobby told you to stop being a jerk to me all the time.”

“You’re standing in front of the open the freezer!”

Sam closed the freezer and stuck his tongue out as he walked away, grabbing Jess’s hand and pulling her back outside.

“What a little bitch,” De grumbled, trying to hide her amused grin.

“You’re more than capable of getting your own snacks,” Cas shrugged.

“But I don’t want to get up,” De sighed. “And I don’t want to make you get it, because either way I have to move. I’ll just live popsicle-less.”

Cas shook his head and chuckled, resting the top of his head on hers.

“What?” De questioned.

“Nothing,” Cas chuckled. “You’re like the old you. I missed her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” De asked.

“Just that I missed this,” Cas explained. “Just me and you hanging out, you  being lazy and complaining about everything. It’s nice. I’m glad we got here.”

“Me too,” De said, stroking the side of his arm with her thumb.

 

Later, long after Cas went back home before his curfew, De sat with Jody on the floor playing with two tiny long-haired grey and white kittens. They may have had her sneeze, but they were about the cutest things De had come across in a while. She swung a feather on a string over one of their heads, giggling to herself as she watched the poor thing try to get it.

She was plagued with questions she needed answered, questions that she didn’t know if she could ask anyone. She didn’t have anyone else that had been through what she did, and it didn’t feel right asking Cas. Their relationship was still too new to her, she didn’t want to risk breaking it by bringing up things that he might think should be kept in the past. She looked at Jody, the closest thing she’d ever had to a mom. Maybe Jody wouldn’t think she was crazy, or maybe she’d tell her that she was, but at this point, she needed to know.

“Do you ever think about him?” De blurted.

“About who?” Jody asked glancing over at her sideways.

“They baby?” De mumbled. “I think about him a lot. Like sometimes, when I’m going to sleep, I think about if he likes hearing _Goodnight Moon_ or _Where the Wild Things Are_ , because those were my favorite when I was baby. I read them to Sam when I learned to read. I think about if he likes the baby food peaches, you know? I wanna know what his name is and stuff. I just wonder about him. Is that okay? I mean, I told Anna I didn’t want anything to do with him after it was all done and stuff, but now I’m not, you know _worried_ I’m just I don’t know, curious, I guess.”

“That’s normal,” Jody said simply. “Why wouldn’t you wonder about him?”

“I wasn’t sure if I was allowed.”

“Deane,” Jody smiled weakly, reaching out to pull De into a close hug. “Of course it’s allowed. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t. You’re allowed to wonder and daydream and think about him all you want. If you really want, you can write to Anna. Don’t go showing up at her house or anything, just write her a letter. Tell her that maybe you really do want a picture of him or something. I think she’ll do that.”

“I don’t know what I really want,” De mumbled. “I mean he’s not mine. He never felt like mine. He’s Anna’s but I just, you know, I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart,” Jody said seriously. “You’re seventeen years old, you had a baby two months ago, and did the most selfless amazing thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. You’re allowed to wonder if you did the right thing. You’re allowed to worry and wonder and everything you’re doing. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“Okay,” De nodded. “You think I can maybe talk to Cas about it?”

“You talk to Cas about anything you want,” Jody answered. “I’m gonna be frank though, because you cut him off, he might not feel the same way you do about the baby. But you can talk to me about it. I’ll listen. I don’t know what you’re going through, my situation is a lot different, but I understand.”

De sniffed to keep herself from crying, and pulled away from Jody.

“It will stop stinging so much,” Jody whispered. “It will, I promise.”

“Okay,” De nodded.

“I’d be worried if you didn't wonder about him to be honest,” Jody smiled.

“Why?” De asked.

“Worry makes you human,” Jody replied.

“Thanks, I think I’m gonna head up to bed, these new meds are taking it out of me.” De nodded as she stood up and started toward the stairs, she turned and added. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Jody.”

“I love you, too, kiddo,” Jody smirked. “Good night.”

  As she climbed the stairs, De felt better.

She would probably never write that letter, or maybe she would but she doubted she’d ever send it. She felt like her feelings were validated, like she wasn’t a crazy person obsessing over nothing. And after everything this past year had thrown at her, it was the best feeling in the world.


	10. Epilogue

**Three Years Later**

 

De had forgotten how crowded the mall got over the summer in the city. Going to school up north had essentially spoiled her, as there were fewer people in general, unless, of course, she went to the Mall of America; which to be honest, once was enough of that madness. She would never understand how her father’s wife could make that a monthly trip. De loved it back home in Kansas; she missed her friends, missed Cas, when she was away, but the overwhelming amount of people kind of freaked her out now.

“Wait up, Cas,” De called. “I can’t find my wallet.”

“Seriously?” Cas sighed. “You’d lose your head...” 

“It’s these stupid girl pants,” De replied, finding her way to a bench nearby and sitting down to dig through the bags of stuff she’d just bought. “They got no freaking pockets.”

“Scuse me,” a little voice said from beside her. 

De turned to see a little boy, no older than three with dark hair and bright green eyes wearing a Captain America t-shirt holding her wallet.

“You dropped this,” the little boy said. “On the floor by that store right there.” The little boy pointed to store she and Cas had just come out of. 

“Thanks,” De smiled, taking it from him. “Where’s your parents?”

“In the store,” he nodded. “I telled mom that I be right back.”

“Your mom is going to be freaked when she can’t find you,” De said standing up. “Let’s go bring you back okay?”

The little boy nodded and took De’s hand.

“Deane,” Cas said in a warning tone. “You can’t just wander off with a kid.”

“We’re looking for his mom, keep your pants on, Cas,” De shrugged. “I’m not kidnapping him. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Jesse,” he nodded. “My mommy’s right there. I see her.”

Jesse pointed to the woman at the register looking frantic, obviously freaked that she couldn’t find her son. 

“Let’s go,” De gestured, pulling the boy behind her toward the store. “Before she has a heart attack.”

They walked hand in hand across the hall to the store. 

“You like Captain America?” De asked, feeling intensely awkward holding his sweaty little hand.

“Not as much as Batman,” Jesse answered. “But my mom doesn’t really know the difference 'tween superheros. And it’s kinda hard to splain sometimes, so I just wear what she buys me. Captain America’s okay though.”

“I love Batman, too,” De told him. 

“We’ll find him ma’am,” the girl behind the register was saying as they approached. “If we can’t find him in the store; we’ll call mall security.”

“Hurry,” the fanatic woman said, shaking. “He’s only three.”

“I think this is who you’re looking for,” De interrupted. “I dropped my wallet and he brought it to me, just being a good Samaritan.”

“Jesse,” the mom practically yelled, kneeling down to hug the boy.

“I was gone for one minute,” Jesse mumbled. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“Sorry,” the mom nodded looking up to De. “Thank you for--” Her eyes suddenly grew twice as large as they had been a minute before.

“Anna,” De said in a barely audible whisper. “I’m...I’m sorry. He just wandered over. I dropped my wallet. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... I didn’t know...” De turned on her heels and tried to walk back over to where Cas was waiting for her.

This moment was one she dreaded for the longest time, ever since she handed the baby over in the birthing suite. She’d always wondered, day dreamed, about the baby boy she’d given a better life, but being honest with herself, Deane never wanted to come face to face with that little boy again. Especially not so soon. Maybe one day when he was old enough to understand, but that wound was still too fresh. 

“Wait,” Anna called, grabbing De’s shoulder. “De.” 

De turned back around slowly taking shallow breaths to keep from crying. She was shaking and felt as though she was going to throw up. _Oh wouldn’t that be splendid. I don’t see Anna or the baby for three years and the first thing I do when I see them again is puke on their shoes._ She couldn’t look at Anna or her little boy. She stared somewhere between them, toward the floor.

“I really have to go,” De said quickly. “I’m sorry, my boyfriend. I just...have to go. Cas is waiting for me.”

“Cas?” Anna asked. “Castiel?”

De nodded. “Yeah.”

“Your boyfriend,” Anna had a soft smile on her face. “I’d like to meet him. If that’s okay.”

“Really?” De let out a long slow breath. “I mean, you don’t think I’m like stalking you or nothing? I mean, I’m _not_. He just wandered over cuz I dropped my wallet.”

“Deane,” Anna chuckled. “He just turned three, and this is the first time I’ve seen you. We live a half hour apart. We’ve run into each other here before. It’s okay. But I would really _love_ to meet Castiel.”

“You knowed her?” Jesse asked. 

“She’s my friend,” Anna answered. “From before you were born. I’ll tell you all about her someday.”

“Okay,” Jesse nodded, squishing his eyebrows together, a face De had seen her little brother make so many times it almost made her laugh.

She turned and motioned for Cas to come over.

“So what’s been going on with your life?” Anna asked in an attempt to make conversation.

“Well, I live in Minnesota, now,” De mumbled, turning back to the redheaded woman. “I go to a school there, near where my dad lives. It has an engineering program. I’m really good at math and stuff, so I’m gonna do that, I think, after I graduate. Cas still lives in Lawrence though, goes to KU. Track star, you know.” 

“What?” Cas asked as he strolled up. “Everything okay? We didn’t... he just came over to us. We weren’t trying to kidnap him or anything... De just loses lots of stuff.”

“This is Anna,” De interjected. “Anna Milton and her son Jesse. It’s probably not Milton anymore, though...”

“That’s a joke right?” Cas cut off the rambling, his eyes locking with De’s. 

“Look at Jesse and tell me it’s a joke,” she whispered into his ear. “She lives in on the other side of Topeka. It was bound to happen eventually. Her words.” 

“Oh, well, it’s nice to meet you, Anna,” Cas said extending his hand, eyes glued on the little boy peeking out from between his mother’s legs.

“You’re still together,” Anna nodded. “That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you. Do you wanna grab a coffee, sit down for a minute?”

De felt Cas’ eyes on her as she shook her head no. “We can’t. I can’t.”

“Okay,” Anna nodded. “That’s fine, maybe another time.”

“Maybe,” De answered. “Nice to see you. He’s perfect.” She said gesturing to the child. “And Jesse’s a good name; I like it. Not too common. Just weird enough.”

“Good, I hoped you would,” Anna let a large smile cross her face. “Look, I have the same phone number, same address, if you want. It’s up to you. But I’d like to catch up. I mean, I’d like to know how you are. Tell you how he is; he’s growing up so fast.”

“I’ll think about,” De nodded. “Maybe.”

“Nice to see you, Deane,” Anna smiled before leaning down to pick Jesse up. “Good to meet you Castiel.”

“Yeah,” Cas nodded. “You too.”

And then she was gone, the little boy with Cas’s face and De’s eyes staring back at them and waving.

“I can’t breathe,” De said.

“It’s okay,” Cas replied, letting out a slightly shaky breath as if he was also trying to convince himself of his own words. “It’ll be okay. Now we know he’s okay. He’s doing fine.”

“He looks just like you,” De rubbed her forehead with one hand. “This is why I never wanted to see him. I mean, I always wondered and stuff, but I never thought he’d actually look _exactly_ like you. It’s freaky. And now Anna’s gonna think I’m friggin’ stalking her.”

“It was an accident,” Cas said rubbing her arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about him. You know he’s good. He’s fine. Anna, from the looks of things, wants you to get to know him.”

“He’s gonna get himself abducted trying to help strangers at a crowded mall,” De half chuckled.

“I’m sure Anna will give him a nice talking to when they get in the car,” Cas told her, stepping in front of her to wipe her tears. “Don’t worry. He’ll be fine. Remember when you ran away when you were five because your dad made you eat broccoli or something? Lived in my basement for three hours?”

De nodded. “My dad was so mad.”

“Yeah, well, the sense of adventure is seemingly genetic,” Cas pulled her into a tight hug.

“You’re embarrassing me,” De mumbled, pushing him away. “People are staring.”

“Ready to head out?” Cas asked rubbing his hand down her arms.

“Yeah, go find Charlie and let her know about mini Cas,” Dean forced a laugh. “She’ll enjoy the Harry Potter-ness of his appearance.”

“The what?” Cas cocked his head to the side.

“Looks like you but has my eyes,” De explained. “Really, Cas. That’s like... how have you _not_ read _Harry Potter_. There are literally unborn children who have Harry Potter knowledge.”

Cas shrugged and intertwined their fingers, pulling her along with him.

“You should call Anna sometime,” Cas suggested. “Take that cup of coffee. I mean, she seemed into it. Could be good for you. You know, you won’t have to worry about him or anything.”

“He’s not mine,” De said shaking her head as they started off toward the exit. “I mean, he’s Anna’s. I don’t want to confuse him. I didn’t want to have to explain what I did to a three year old.” 

“ _You_ wouldn’t have to,” Cas replied when they reached the doors. “That’s Anna’s decision, I think. Anna gets to decide what he knows. He’s a baby still. He’d only see you as his mom’s friend. You don’t have to explain anything to him. I mean, when he’s older, he’ll probably have questions for you, and me, probably, but that’s years off still.”

“I’ll figure out what I want to do about it out later,” De said. “I don’t want to watch him grow up. I never did. I told her that upfront.”

“Deane,” Cas said seriously, causing her to turn and met his eyes. “You run into people you know at the mall. It happens.”

“Now I’m gonna worry about him all the time,” De sighed. “He’s gonna get kidnapped wandering off. I’m gonna have to start watching the news for Amber Alerts and shit.”

“ _Deane_ ,” Cas said again, squeezing her hand in an attempt to ground her. “No you don’t. You don’t have to worry about him. You know he’s fine. He has Anna, you chose Anna for him, and you knew you were doing the right thing with that.”

“It’s different for you,” De whined. “You don’t feel that parental pull thing that I do,” she almost stopped the rant when she saw Cas flinch slightly at her statement, but continued on anyways, trying to maneuver her words more carefully. “I mean, that’s my fault too, but still, I _constantly_ worry about him. Well, maybe not worry, but I think about him a lot. Jody says it’s normal. It just means that I love him. And I know that you must feel something for him; at least I _hope_ , but I never stop thinking about him. And it’s different having this vision of a little boy that looks like you and acts like me running around in my head, and then to see that image handing you your wallet at the mall. It’s just...” She sighed.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the mall exit, her sentence remaining unfinished, and they were heading toward Cas' car before De spoke again.

“It’s like a piece is missing,” she explained. “But after a while, I felt like I could live without that piece. I found ways to work around it, I guess. But today, that little piece walked up to me and talked to me, and held my hand. And watching him wave to me as she carried him away, felt exactly the same as it did when I handed him the nurse when he was born. That’s why I have fifteen unmailed letters to Anna in desk at my dad’s house. I didn’t send them because I knew that if I did, she’d send me a picture. And I’d have to look at it, or explain who that little kid was to my roommate at school, or my fuckin’ father, who still doesn’t even freakin’ know I had a kid.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said, unlocking his car and opening De’s door for her. “I wish I could make it better.”

“I don’t want you to try to make it better,” De replied as she slipped into the passenger seat. “You can’t really, anyways. This is all on me.”

“Well, what do you want me to do then?” Cas sighed, moving into the driver’s side and turning on the ignition. “We’ve had this fight a hundred times, De. Nothing changes what happened. If he wasn’t born, we wouldn’t be where we are now. There wouldn’t be an us. Is that what this is? Are you still mad at me about that? Because, honestly, if that’s…”

“No,” De whispered, cutting him off. “I’m happy that he exists, I’m happy that there’s an us. I just don’t… He has a name now, he’s real, and that’s new. And maybe I need a little bit to process it. Maybe it’s just that I know I could never give him what Anna has. Knowing it and seeing it in front of you is completely different, I guess. But he _did_ look happy.” 

“Yeah,” Cas nodded maneuvering the car onto the highway to head back to Lawrence. “He did. And I could tell he meant the world to Anna. He looks like he’ll be a good kid.”

“Hellraiser,” De chuckled, wiping the stray tear that escaped during her rant. 

“A genius hellraiser,” Cas smirked catching De’s eye. “A sweet, smart, adorable, hellraiser who can’t help but go out of his way to help people.”

“I feel like I should have warned her,” De laughed. “She didn’t really know what she was getting into. Putting the two of us together usually doesn’t have good consequences.”

“We did one thing right, I think,” Cas nodded.

“Yeah,” De agreed. “I think we did.”

Cas chuckled softly in response before reaching down to turn the volume up on his ipod. As soon as the music of a new song began, De couldn’t help but laugh out loud at how cliché it seemed her life was destined to be.

_If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee_

She glanced sideways at Cas, who was still watching the road as he drove, but his mouth was turned up in an amused grin. Fucking Cas and his fucking folk music. De laughed again, deciding that maybe some clichés had their benefits, and started singing along with the music.

_If you were the winter I know I'd be the snow just as long as you were with me when the cold wind blows_

She propped her feet up on the dashboard of the car, singing off key while Cas laughed at her, and she felt as though a great weight had been lifted. Maybe meeting that little boy was exactly what she needed to start feeling normal again; to feel whole again. She figured it out, slowly, that having and letting go of Jesse was the best thing she’d ever done, almost as if she had found herself in the child. Maybe it was seeing him, hearing his voice, looking into his eyes, and holding his hand, that made her realize it. Maybe her and Cas had gone about the whole thing a little bit backward; they probably should have dated before procreating, but without that child, Deane was pretty sure they wouldn’t be where they were now.

_And if you were a castle I'd be your moat and if you were an ocean I'd learn to float_

The emotional rollercoaster she’d been on, though she couldn’t see the end of it any time soon, taught her how to be happy. And honestly, she thought, reaching over to brush her fingers lightly over Cas’ knee, that was worth fucking up the whole beginning.

_All I want is you will you be my bride take me by the hand and stand by my side. All I want is you will you stay with me hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TCP: Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, don't be afraid to let us know what you think. We would love to hear it. This has been an amazing journey writing this.


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